The real Lorraine
by Blue-Bird-Sings
Summary: Lorraine is a hard nut, the kind who never shows her emotions. Find out where it all began and how her relationship with Nikki grows.
1. Chapter 1

I stare at the digital clock on my phone, it's already 6 am, I need to get up. With a sigh to my breath I get up and try to balance upon my unsteady feet. I stayed at Sonia's last night, we had sister time. Sounds extremely stupid, when I put it that way. A rough day yesterday left me with dark circles underneath my eyes. It's time to get ready, even though I'm not ready to face another batch of emotions; emotions are hard for me to convey. I get to the bathroom without falling over, the mirror now reflecting my dull complexion. It's time to face the world.

The red Ferrari enters the school car park, the sheen on that could make any shoe shiner envious. The warm sun hitting the bonnet.

Lorraine slowly gets out of the car, she had made herself look half decent and had concealed her lifeless skin. Beneath the mask was a longing, a longing that yesterday would be here today and she could start with a better beginning. The reminder that gave her shivers through her aching bones. Nikki was one of the good things she had going on in her life, but she had to go and mess that up too.

Without thinking twice, she took her bag and walked into the office.

"Hello campers" Lorraine smirked

The other teachers now looking at her as though they were the pupils. It was kind of true, Lorraine was the benefactor and they were all her minions. Nikki looked up with a distant glare, her eyes red from crying the previous day. Lorraine took a deep breathe in and started her speech.

"I expect you all to be on your best behaviour today, I need this school to shine. There's a new pupil coming today, so I hope you've got your engines ready"

The teachers of Waterloo Road never listened to Lorraine, tolerated her yes, but listen; never.

Brooklyn Lerenn walked through the gates of Waterloo Road. Her hair dark, extremely long and she had the greenest eyes. Taking a deep breathe in and a longer sigh out, she walked up the stairs and towards the doors. With a pull to the doors they opened, she had now entered into a bright and intriguing corridor. A sofa sat in the middle of the plastic floor and there were lockers all around. Brooklyn had no idea where she had to go, so she sat nervously on the sofa, hoping someone would come along and show her the ropes. After ten minutes of waiting and twiddling her thumbs, someone came and stood over the sofa where she sat. It was Nikki Boston, a respected deputy head at Waterloo Road.

"Hello are you waiting for someone or something?" Nikki asked

"Er, yes I'm new here and I have no idea where the hell I'm supposed to be" Brooklyn answered

"Oh, don't worry, I will take you to Mr Byrne's office" Nikki gave a wave of her arm, as if to say follow me.

It was only five minutes to the office and Nikki could hear Michael and Lorraine arguing over the school once again. Nikki nocked on the door and the shouting stopped. All of a sudden she heard

"come in!"

Without hesitation she opened the door and said

"There's a new pupil not knowing where she's supposed to be"

"Bring her in" Michael suggested

Nikki brought Brooklyn in and left the room.

Lorraine sat in her chair with the back of it turned facing Brooklyn and Michael. Michael was about to speak, when Lorraine turned around to leave the room. Lorraine twirled her chair round and froze in horror. Her mouth dropped open a little as her eyes glazed over with tears and suppressed memories. Brooklyn looked in shock at Lorraine, she knew the woman.

"Michael, can you give us a minute, I know her mother" Lorraine asked bluntly; it was a lie of course, well sort of.

Michael nodded his head and left the office.

Before Lorraine could get a word out, Brooklyn was letting tears fall down her new uniform and held her mouth tightly; she was going to be sick. Brooklyn ran to the nearest thing she could find, which was a small bin and threw up violently.

"Brooklyn!" Lorraine went over to put her hand on Brooklyn's back to see if she was ok, but Brooklyn shouted and edged away.

"No, no don't touch me. They told me" Brooklyn let out a cry and looked Lorraine in the eyes.

"Told you what?" Lorraine asked

"THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE DEAD!" The scream was defining, Lorraine thought how could such a loud scream come from such a small frame.

Brooklyn continued

"It wasn't enough for my mother to send me away, but for them to tell me you were dead, that's sick! I mourned you every day, every night I'd cry into my pillow. I used to think it was cliche, but now I know what it feels like. Why did they do that?"

Lorraine just stared at Brooklyn longing to hold her, they had a history and people never agreed with the relationship they had, they never liked the age gap.

They shared memories and secrets, they also shared the same intellect. They were both on the same level as each other, in love.

"What, what do you mean they said I was dead" Lorraine confused

"I laid a white rose in this small stream every Sunday, yeah it's really not you, even me, but I was lost. I had no one left, nothing." Brooklyn still crying fell to the floor, distraught and weak.

Lorraine rushed to the side of her holding her arm. Then it happened, a flashback.

I walked into that bar with my head held high, I was confident and a little cocky. I moved over to the bar, just hoping some guy would get me a drink. The bar man came over and passed me a drink, I hadn't even ordered, then words left his mouth. A tall, dark handsome guy had just bought me a drink, jackpot I thought. Yes, I liked the attention, but not the men. My type is far from any tall, dark handsome guy. I laughed to myself as I thought about how no one could tell, how everyone assumed. I took a sip of my ice cold Jack Daniels, the guy could have known me; JD was my favourite. I took another sip of my drink and then my eyes caught a glimpse of the most piercing eyes I'd ever seen. Her hair dark and thick, it was extremely beautiful. She was wearing black skinny jeans and a see through cream blouse, I liked the fact you could see her bra. She was hot and that's all that went through my head. I took another sip of my drink, trying to think how I'd get her attention. I casually took my drink over to the table near to where she was sitting. She didn't even notice me, I found that hard to believe; I was wearing red! I was looking at how she took small breathes in, her chest rising, she looked nervous. A guy walked over to her and she smiled sweetly, looked him in the eyes. She didn't know him, because she sunk a little into her chair as he leant over. She nodded her head, to silently say no and he left her. His hands were in his pockets and his smile had completely disappeared from his mouth. It couldn't have been good news. She fiddled with her drink on the table and tucked one side of her hair behind her ear. She looked so innocent, as though she was intimidated by all the strong men around. She finally looked up and over at me, I'd finally caught her eye. She looked me in the eye and giggled, suddenly looking away. I laughed also looking down, but tilted my head up to see if she'd look again. Her eyes were now drifting all around, on everything but me. I felt disappointed and hoped she would come over, but she never did. I had finished my drink, when the urge came to piss. I got up left my seat plus my empty glass and went to find the toilets.

Pulling the toilet roll to wipe, I heard the door creek open. I thanked god for letting me finish before someone came in ( I hate pissing in public) I opened the cubical door and went to wash my hands, next to me stood the girl with the beautiful eyes, well beautiful everything. She was looking into the mirror, slowly fixing her hair as I watched. I smiled at her, she smiled back and asked me what label I was wearing. I told her Gucci proudly. She didn't seem shocked at the fact I had money. I had a lot of money and always had men drooling over that very fact. I hated the way men could be, but women were just as bad. She looked over at me and discreetly looked at my dress and the way it hugged my figure. She told me I looked nice, her voice warm and welcoming. She had a husky tinge to her London accent. I thanked her and she started to apply lip gloss to her cupids bow. I was about to walk away when I had this sudden boost of confidence, yes I'm confident, but she made me a little nervous. I turned around and asked if she would like to join me for a drink, she looked surprised, but agreed. I felt a hot buzz ride through my body as she smiled cheekily at me. I'm sure I was blushing.

We both got to the table I sat at and I told her I'd get her a drink. She asked for a coke, I then remembered I didn't even know her name. I got back and passed Brooklyn her drink, that name was edgy and I found it kind of sexy. Her name really did suit her. She thanked me and I told her it was no problem. Her lips touched the glass as I tapped my hands on the table. We sat at that table for hours, telling each other about one another. She had my attention from the very beginning, she was so interesting and when she was passionate about a topic, she glistened. I loved the way she smiled, she had two dimples on her cheeks and two underneath her bottom lip. Her smile made me smile, it was infectious. We soon got kicked out of the pub, due to it being closing time. The hours truly did feel like minutes. We left and stood outside the pub doors, she was about to trail off into the darkness, the night swallowing up the surroundings. I couldn't let her walk home, not walk home alone. I offered her a lift and she accepted, even though she took some convincing. I drove to her address, pulling up to this magnificent house. It was huge, she obviously had money, no wonder she took no interest in the label of my dress. I gasped a little as she was such a down to earth being, who wasn't the kind to flash the cash; unlike me. She looked at me and said goodnight, I didn't know whether this was a good time to lean in for a kiss, but I don't even know her sexual orientation. I don't even want to consider myself as gay, let alone guess about someone else's sexuality. I left it at that and we exchanged numbers, I was going to meet with her for a coffee the following week. This was only the second time I'd gotten a girls number, sounds stupid, but only men seemed to be interested. It's hard not wanting to be 'out', but at the same time, it doesn't help your love life.

She was twenty, her name was Brooklyn and now nothing else was sitting on my mind. I got home and had a quick shower before putting my shorts and tank top on, all ready for bed. How was I supposed to sleep, when all I could think about was her. I stared at my bedroom ceiling for what felt like forever, next week was too far away, I wanted to see her sooner. I pulled my phone over to me and scrolled through the contacts, Brooklyn came up and I had an urge to call, but ended up texting her. Said something about meeting earlier and she texted back straight away, as though she was staring at her bedroom ceiling. We were now seeing each other Sunday, it was Friday.

Sunday came around, the weekend seemed to drag. I had just gotten up and went to run the bath. I liked my baths super hot and steamy, I liked the way it made me feel like I had worked out, but without the work. I laid in the crystal water, the water still with no bubbles. I laid my head on the side without the taps, laid it down to stare at yet another ceiling; this was becoming a habit. I'm a confident, independent woman, but meeting Brooklyn in three hours, made my body tingle. I was surprisingly nervous, nervous about everything. What if I messed this up and I still didn't even know if she was gay. My mind had just about given me all the scenarios it could, when I found myself looking into the long mirror in my bedroom. I was wearing tight trousers, that were cropped at the ankles, they were in black. I had a white shirt with an emerald tailored jacket, I was also wearing a black tie. I loved this outfit, although I wasn't sure whether it made me seem a bit office worker. I had black heels, I always wore heels, I'm 5' 1. I think Brooklyn must be about the same height as me, which was a bonus. Why was I even thinking about how that would affect our kissing? I don't even know if she likes me like that, but what if she is a lesbian, blimey I'm such an idiot.

I finally got into my car, it took exactly two hours to get myself ready. I had too many thoughts swarming my tired mind, so I decided to put some music on. I don't look like the type, but I do love a bit of W.A.S.P. I had the music blaring and it was a hot day, so the windows were rolled down. I had a cigarette in one hand, to try and calm my nerves, but before I knew it, I was at the Fat Cat cafe. I took some gum out of my jacket pocket and popped it into my mouth like a druggie to pills. I got out of the car and walked over to the entrance of the cafe. I knew this cafe well, me and my best friend used to come here, they were good memories.

I walked into the glass doors into the light sitting area, I figured if I sat near the window, Brooklyn would be able to see me. I sat patiently waiting, putting my gum into some tissue, when a girl in dungarees suddenly sat opposite me.

"Hey" she lightly said

It was Brooklyn, she looked so different from the other night. She was wearing denim dungarees with a white t shirt and Dr Martins. Her hair was up, a curly mess with a scarf wrapped around her head. She looked hip and young, well she was. I greeted her with a smile and asked what she would like to drink. I went over to the till and asked if I could have two hot chocolates, I casually looked back and asked if she wanted marshmallows; I definitely did. After I had paid for the hot chocolates, I walked over to where we were sitting. We both smiled at each other and started chatting. We had barely gotten five minutes into the conversation, when the cafe guy brought our drinks over.

"Thank you for the hot chocolate, you really didn't need to pay" Brooklyn sat blowing on her drink to cool it down.

"Honestly it's fine and looking at the size of the house I took you back to, I know you're not going to want me for my money"

What the hell was I saying? She wasn't even my girlfriend and I barely knew her, half of my problems were due to being too blunt. She looked taken aback, because if my stupid words. I smiled at her awkwardly and asked her what she did for a living. Her eyes lit up like a little puppy when you're eating dinner.

"I'm a musician" she replied

I had an idea that she was creative, because of her outfit, but being a musician definitely sat well with me. It was kind of a turn on after hearing she was a classically trained pianist. I told her I'd have to watch her perform someday and she accepted. I was excited, I could only think about how she had agreed to a possible second date. Why do I always get ahead of myself, maybe she was just being friendly.

The cafe had just gotten a little crazy, with it being Sunday you'd think it would be quite, but this is London after all. I asked if she would like to get out of this place, we had finished our drinks a while ago and I couldn't stand being in the crowded cafe. We both left and she suggested some place I'd never heard of. I asked if she had come by car and she said she couldn't drive, so we ended up in my car driving to the most beautiful location. I pulled up to where she said I could park and we both got out, it was breathtaking. She had directed me to a hillside, away from the hustle and bustle of the city. We took a seat on the grass, I took my jacket off and sat on it. I felt a little bad that I had something to sit on and she didn't, so I offered her the jacket, but she replied with

"It's only a little bit of dirt, it's fine."

I looked away, a little embarrassed at how stupid I was being, all down to the fact these trousers were designer. I looked out into the distance, at the scorching sun hitting the buildings, it was truly one of the most beautiful views I'd ever seen. We sat in silence for a while, then the silence broke.

"I forgot to mention, that you look really pretty today" Brooklyn's warm voice laid in the depths of my ears, she was such a down to earth girl. She had money, but without the snobbery. I replied with a thank you and shyly looked down to the grass before us.

"So how many guys have you taken here then?" my London accent sounded so broad even to myself.

She giggled and replied with an embarrassing

"Um well guys aren't really... My thing, er I'm a lesbian, but you're the first girl I've taken here"

Subconsciously I knew it, I knew she accepted my offer of coming out, because she liked me. I was so fearful of rejection, but there really was nothing to worry about.

"I know what you mean" I laughed

She looked at me flirtatiously, I didn't know whether in that moment I should kiss her. She was biting her bottom lip a little and before I could swoop in, she looked away. It left me wanting to kiss her even more, she suddenly got up and held her hand out to grab mine. She pulled me up and we were soon walking across the hill, I was still admiring the view. I let go of her hand, but she grabbed hold of it and pulled me backwards. I was now standing right in front of her, so close I could feel her heartbeat. I was sure that she could feel mine too, mine was rapidly beating as though I'd ran for miles. I looked into her sea green eyes and she looked into mine.

"Wow, you're really beautiful" she mumbled

I smiled and looked down at the floor, I felt like a sixteen year old teenager. I looked up again and her eyes locked onto mine once again, she was stroking my hair away from my face and her touch sent electricity through my flesh. I'd never had that before, this felt as though I'd just gotten hit by lightning. She leant in and that was the moment I knew it was ok to kiss her. Our faces just millimetres away from each others, her breath soft and low. I leant in more, she was the one who pulled me in, but now all of a sudden she seemed nervous. I went in even further, pulled her head towards mine, cupping her face. She had her hands around my waist, it felt good, it felt comforting. Our lips were now intertwined and our hearts beating to the same rhythm. Our kiss got slowly more passionate and then our tongues were touching, the taste of warm chocolate still engrave on her lips. I pulled away my breath slightly panting, as that kiss was so hot. We both smiled like kids at each other and I took her hands from my waist and locked my fingers in hers.

We spent the rest of the day there, we sat curled into each other, silent bliss. It was soon nightfall and I knew I needed to get home for work the next day. I could see the sadness and disappointment in her eyes as I told her I needed to leave. I drove her home yet again, trying no to get a fine for being too fast, I had a need for speed. I pulled beside her place and thanked her for joining me.

"It was really nice, today was really nice" Brooklyn's voice so low I could barely hear her. I looked over at her and kissed her again, her lips creasing a little, because a smile wanted to creep up. We said goodnight and I watched her slowly unlock her door and go in. I felt so alone in that moment, it felt so good having her beside me and now to go back to an empty apartment, it felt so cold.

I unlocked the door to my apartment and stepped inside, I was right it did feel cold. I couldn't be bothered to have a bath, not even a shower. I sat on the edge of my bed, trying to unbutton my shirt, getting frustrated at how they seemed too tiny. I was soon laying semi naked on my crisp white sheets. I had messed the duvet cover, by lumping down onto the bed. I really couldn't give a shit, I was so tired. I had only my lace knickers on and my blonde curls fell neatly down just above my breasts. I needed to get inside the duvet instead of laying on the outside, but I couldn't even manage that. What had gotten into me? I felt wrecked, although I admit I didn't sleep the previous night, due to nerves consuming my whole body. I laid there for about twenty minutes and then I couldn't remember the rest.

"Lorraine?" Brooklyn asked

Lorraine had finally snapped out of her own memories and realised where she was, her eyes glistened with tears. Lorraine looked back at Brooklyn and sharply told her to get out of the office.

"What?! So now that I've found out you're alive, you're not going to even sit down and speak to me" tears still streaming Brooklyn's face.

"Get out!" The tone of Lorraine's voice now cold and bitter.

Brooklyn did as she was told and left the room, left Lorraine leaning over her own desk in disbelief. Lorraine felt confused and numb.

Sent from my iPhone


	2. Chapter 2

Lorraine looked outside, just staring into the distance, not much of a view. There was a knock at the office door, Lorraine quickly wiped her tears and opened the door.

"Hey sis, was that Brooklyn Lerenn I just saw running out" Sonia knew all too well who Brooklyn was, she had always supported her sister's decisions.

"Leave it Son, now really is not the time" Lorraine tried fighting back the tears, Sonia rested one hand on her sister's arm and reassured her it's going to be ok.

"Look Son, tell Michael I've got some errands to run, if he asks questions, tell him it's important" Lorraine left swiftly from the room and found her way out of the maze she called Waterloo Road.

Brooklyn had found a teacher to show her where she was supposed to be, the kind and old teacher directed her to the PRU, even she had no idea where Brooklyn was supposed to be. They entered the room and Nikki Boston looked up from her papers she had on her desk.

"I have no idea where this poor wee girl should be" Mrs Mcfall politely said

"I just left her in Michael's office a while ago, are you telling me no one told her where she's supposed to be? Ridiculous" Nikki trailed off and told Brooklyn to take a seat. Brooklyn walked over to the table with the least pupils around it, she sat next to Rhiannon and admired her crimson red hair.

"Thank you Audrey" Nikki went to close the door behind Audrey and then came over to Brooklyn.

"So, why don't you just write 400 words telling me about you" Brooklyn looked at Nikki as if the teacher were crazy. Brooklyn did as she was told, but writing down words to explain who she was, felt uncomfortable and difficult, but she proceeded.

Lorraine had just gotten to her house after a short journey in her expensive car. She pulled in her drive way and got out.

Carrying her bag and the even heavier feelings, she made it up the steps outside her front door. She fiddled to find the right key to get in, finally found it and made her way into her lavish house. She crept not even a foot in and crashed to the floor in tears, the heavy load on her shoulders crashing down with her. She couldn't keep her emotions at bay, but she was alone so let it all come out. Lorraine looked around her empty house, that never felt like a home. Lorraine got up from the floor and decided to get in her car again, this time not knowing where she was going, just to drive to anywhere; to nowhere.

Lorraine drove for three hours in total, even circling the same places she had just driven past. She didn't care whether Michael would have a go, she was used to it anyway. She had just past a little shop, when she thought it would be a good idea to go in and get a drink and something to eat, Lorraine hadn't eaten anything all day and was starting to feel queasy. She walked in through the shop door, her heels clicking on the cold flooring. Lorraine looked in the fridge where they kept the sandwiches, but nothing took her fancy, she finally resorted to a bag of Walkers crisps and a cherry Cola. She got to the till and paid the shopkeeper, barely saying a word, she managed a thank you. Lorraine felt so blank and emotionless, even though there was so many things going through her head. Lorraine got back into her car to drive to somewhere quiet, where she could enjoy her snacks. Lorraine found a quiet place by what looked like an abandoned park, it really did look as if no one had used it for years. There were swings that were intact, they were usable, so she got out and went to sit on the swings. Lorraine rocked bak and forth, trying to force herself to eat, as her empty stomach was now rumbling. It felt nice to feel the breeze on her hot face, her cheeks slightly pink from crying. The cool air hit Lorraine's face, making her feel more at home even though she wasn't at home. Memories running through her mind, twirling round like a tornado; causing destruction. The thoughts became almost impossible to ignore, every inch if Lorraine twitched with fear, because remembering the good and the bad times, made Lorraine want to run away from who she was even more. She had to face them, she had to look back, for her own sake.

I woke to the sound of birds chirping outside my window, they sounded as if they were making their own album out there. I giggled to myself, also at myself for how pathetic I sounded. I rose from the now tangled sheets and the first thought that entered my head was Brooklyn. Her lips on mine, mine on hers, bliss. We had been dating for about a month, things were going great. I went to turn the shower on, cold so I could create a layer that made me no longer feel. I grabbed the towel and moved myself towards my bedroom, opening the wardrobes, which was difficult considering my towel was hanging on me loosely. I grabbed the nicest clothes I could find, which happened to be a pencil skirt and a blouse. I got dried and dressed, then sorted my wet and messy hair out. I'd only just gotten into the kitchen to make myself a coffee, (strong and black) when I noticed I hadn't even checked my phone. I went into the bedroom where i'd left it on charge and unlocked it. There were messages from work and my sister, then one lonely message from Brooklyn. My heart literally jumped out of my chest, hands shaking as I struggled to open the message. It read

"Hey Lorraine, just wondered how you were doing. Id love to see your morning smile right now. I hope we can meet soon, as there something I need to tell you.

Brooklyn xx"

I read the message over and over, worrying about what she had to tell me. I put it to the back of my mind for the rest of the day, I had to be professional. It was soon the end of the day, but the meetings dragged on, more than I'd have liked them to. I said goodbye to my colleagues and left. I got into my car and pulled my phone out of my bag and began to ring Brooklyn.

"Hey how are you, you seemed concerned and needed to tell me something" I tried not to sound desperate for the truth, but I like to know everything.

"Oh yeah hey Lorraine, I wanted to tell you in person, it's a little awkward over the phone" she sounded nervous, so I agreed to meet her that night.

"How does 7pm sound?" I asked lightly

She accepted and I hung up.

I pulled up just around the corner from her house, for some reason she always liked me to park a bit further away from her house. I walked up towards her drive way, but she was already standing outside. She smiled awkwardly and asked if we could go and sit in my car. We both got to my car, then got in. It went silent for a while, I was begging for something to break the silence, so I did.

"So what was it you wanted to tell me?"

"Ok, Lorraine please don't be mad. I can't lie anymore" her words echoed in the silence as they made the hairs on my arms stand up. She carried on

"Lorraine I'm so sorry, but I'm not actually twenty" she started to cry, I turned my head away to look out of the window.

"So what are you then? 18, 19?" I asked trying not to sound angry, It wasn't working.

"No, ugh Lorraine. I'm 16 ok!" Her words cut like a jagged edge. My blood ran cold and I saw my skin turn pale in the rearview mirrors. She's 16! I had been with this girl a month and obviously we had slept together, I know she's legal, but I felt so dirty. I couldn't even look her in the eyes.

"Lorraine?!" She started crying more hysterically, I really wanted to hold her, but the thought of me and her made me sick. I was so much older than her. She played me, she told me she was twenty and looked twenty. I met her in a bar for goodness sake! I couldn't get a word out, I couldn't move. I stayed still in shock staring out the window.

"Lorraine please, just listen." I couldn't even hear her words anymore, I couldn't take it all in. I felt like I was dreaming and I was going to wake up from this nightmare. I finally had the courage to look her dead in the eye and told her to leave. It hurt like a burn to skin, I knew what I had just said and a part of me died a little. I watched her look distraught walking slowly back to her house. She's just someone's teenager who obviously doesn't want her mum to know about me, because I was parked around the corner. I wouldn't blame her mum if she wanted to murder me, I felt disgusting.

Her words were still echoing in my mind when I got home, 'I'm 16' kept going round and round. I had even taken a bath four times, just to make me feel clean. Even though I felt so disgusting and guilty, I had such love for this girl. I think I'd fallen for her, hard. We spent nearly every night and free day that I had together. I got to know her, I let her in. I let her into my heart, I never let anyone past my locked gates. I felt violated, played, just like the men who wanted to get into my knickers, just because I have money. Betrayed is a strong word, but I hate people who lie, I'm the worlds bluntest woman. I cupped my head in my hands, sitting on my plush sofa, it didn't even feel comfortable anymore. I didn't know what to do. A month isn't that long, but it's long enough to get to know someone inside and out. She didn't lie about who she was, just her age, but it was still wrong.

I needed that glass of wine I poured myself, the dry crimson liquid sliding fast down my throat. I liked my whiskey and I liked my wine, but wine went to my head faster, good in situations like these I thought. I brought the bottle over to where I was siting on the sofa and put it down on the coffee table. The liquid becoming less visible as I drank more and more. My vision blurred slightly, I was drunk it was safe to say. I hobbled over to my kitchen cupboards to find something to eat. Alcohol makes me so hungry, I fancied a take away, but that greasy shit made me think about my figure. I avoided all the takeout menus I had and opted for a tuna sandwich, I have no idea how I managed to make it. I had just eaten the sandwich, when I thought it would be a great idea to turn the radio on. Music blared out, swimming around all of the rooms, my ears filled with joy. I soon dropped to the floor laughing to myself and at myself, I felt a little sleepy also dizzy. My head began to spin and the walls now became abstract, I closed my eyes to stop the feeling, then I woke up with the sun shining into my face. I had forgotten to close the curtains and the sun was now blinding. My face was slightly stuck to my wooden floor and I rubbed my head to soothe the splitting headache I had. I wish I had never of woken up, because everything was now coming back to me. What to do?


	3. Chapter 3 sorry it's short guys!

I didn't even bother to have a bath or shower, yes I had both, I have money. I remembered nothing of the night, just awaking to opened tins of tuna, why did I opt for tuna? I stared blankly and confusingly at the tin, trying to make sense of such a small detail. I then cleaned up my place, something I never liked doing, but it really did look a mess. Cleaning helped clear my mind for at least forty five minutes, but the pain slowly crept up behind me, like a shadow in the sun. I leant over with my elbows touching the work tops, I just watched the drip from the tap fall to the sink, the more I watched, the louder it got. I suppose it was time to face it, face what's bothering me, face her.

I asked her to come round, I needed to talk things over with her. It was nearly 4pm and she still wasn't here, we said 3:45 and I liked people to be precise. I kept mumbling to myself, why say 3:45 when it's now bloody four. I was about to give up, when I could hear a faint knock on the door. I went to the door and looked through the spy hole, you can never be too careful. It was Brooklyn, standing there like a shy kid, but that's just it, she's just a kid.

I let her in, my face emotionless and bitter. I don't know whether she could tell I was pissed off, probably, well I was. We walked into my living room, both sitting down on the sofa, I didn't know what to say. Our bodies so tense and even though not even a metre apart, it felt like our bodies were in two different continents.

"Look Lorraine, I didn't mean to lie, I just, I.." Brooklyn's voice broke and she ended up looking away from me.

"How could you tell me you were 20?! We met in a bar, you look older!" I couldn't contain my anger any longer, I ripped into her so hard. We were both now crying, I could even cry in front of her, that's how much I trusted her!

"Lorraine, I love you y'know" her tears clogging up the back of her throat. This was the first time she had said that to me, she looked straight in my eyes and there's no way she was lying. How was I supposed to say it back, I'm shit with emotions and I'm normally forced to put myself in a mask.

"Brooklyn, I, I..." I trailed off to the look of disappointment in her eyes, but I looked back at her and then out of the blue

"I love you too Bickie" how stupid did I sound, Bickie was my lame nickname for her, but that's not what surprised me, I said 'I love you'.

Next thing you know our lips were touching, caressing the other's, her soft pink lips on mine once again. It had felt like forever since I last kissed her, but this felt different, it felt like it really meant something. Her hand on the back of my neck pulling me in closer, how close did she want me to be? Our eyes closed, noses touching, lips wild. The way she kissed me, was the best I'd ever had, so passionate. We soon moved into the bedroom, both struggling to even make one foot in the door due to still kissing each other. I stopped for a moment, smiled cheekily and grabbed her hand. I pulled her into my bedroom without a second thought, her biting her bottom lip knowing what was literally around the corner. We both fell to the bed, hitting it softly, me on her. She was fumbling with my shirt, I wasn't dressed fancy, I was cleaning earlier. She seemed to get frustrated at the fact the buttons weren't undoing quickly enough, so I started to help her. My shirt was off, bare skin with her hands all over. My bra laced with black, her clothes were already off, she looked so hot in her matching white underwear. Soon our whole bodies were bare, skin to skin. I softy kissed her Cupid bow lips, biting down on her bottom lip, tongues then touching. I laid more soft kisses down her neck, down to her collar bone, watching her chest rise and fall. Breathing became heavier as she felt the touch of my fingers. Lightly grabbing the sheets, faster, gripping harder. My hands now on her thighs, tight, digging my nails lightly into her silky skin. I was now in-between slowly up and down, the same rhythm as her body rising. I looked up at her, smiling she looked so beautiful. In that moment I didn't care that she was young, we were making love, something I've never experienced. I got gradually faster, her breath now turning into loud moans, screams. "Lorraine!" I heard as I pulled her in more towards me, making sure I tasted every part of her. Her hands now turning white as she grabbed the sheets even harder. Her body started shaking, twitching, her moans now at the loudest I'd ever heard them, then with another arch to her back she came. Her breathing started slowing down, her panting turning me on. I moved up towards her face and kissed her hard on the lips.

"Fuck Lorraine" she could barely get a word out, her breath still trying to become regular. I smiled warmly at her and laid beside her. She really did look beautiful, even if we were both covered in a thin layer of sweat. Her hair tangled, but still looked perfect to me. I took hold of her hand, propped myself onto one of my elbows and stared at her beauty.

"What are you looking at?" She giggled with a slight concerned tone in her voice

"Nothing" and with that I kissed her and once again told her I loved her, what was I becoming? I never let my walls down, even for my sister, yet she was breaking through and it's the best feeling in the world.

I woke to her watching me, I smiled and she stroked the front of my hair behind my ear. Her touch was soft and made me tingle all over, goosebumps surfacing my skin. The sun seeping thought the curtains onto her face, the glow made her look as though she was an angel. I didn't regret anything, I don't regret anything. Last night ended too quickly, but I reassured myself that this wasn't going to be a one time thing. I really loved her, I was slowly getting used to me saying it or even thinking it, but I always had the urge to let her know. We stayed glued to that same spot for a few hours more, I called in sick, I didn't care. Brooklyn brought out the wild side in me that I hadn't seen for years. I used to be fun and laid back, but those were the school days. I liked how she made me feel so at home, so at ease and I knew she loved me, it was in her eyes.

Lorraine woke up from remembering, smiling at the thought of good memories, of course they hurt, but it was good to look back. Lorraine hadn't even eaten her snacks, she had no appetite from worrying. She had now become tired of sitting on some swings and told herself to get a grip. Lorraine got off of the swings and back into her car, sitting for a moment before driving. It felt like a roller coaster being in her car, all her emotions running up as down. Finally there stood the gates to Waterloo Road, here she was again.

Before Lorraine knew it, she was walking up the stairs to the entrance of the school, she had no idea why she wanted to come back. She tried putting her thoughts to the back of her mind, but they still nagged at her brain. Lorraine was soon walking to the office, but a gut instinct made her want to go to the PRU, she needed Nikki. It was the last lesson of the day, Lorraine had been gone all those hours and it only felt like minutes. Lorraine got to the door leading in to the PRU, she opened the door and asked Nikki if she could have a word. Nikki told the students to carry on with their work and left the room along with Lorraine.

"Hey Nik, I just needed to talk" Lorraine's eyes glazed with a slight hint of sadness.

"Hey, what's up?" Nikki rested her hand on Lorraine's arm and squeezed it tightly.

"I, I just, I've had a rough day and I bet I look about 50" Lorraine giggled, knowing Nikki would respond with a compliment

"You never look bad, you look good. To me" Nikki looked down at the floor like an embarrassed teenager and asked again what was wrong.

"I don't know what to..." Lorraine felt the room spin a little, she grabbed onto the wall to steady herself.

"Lorraine! Are you ok?" Nikki now concerned watching the frail woman wobble.

"Yeah, yeah I'm..." Lorraine didn't get to finish her sentence, she collapsed to the floor, her blonde curls covering her face. Nikki fell down beside her and tried waking her up, it wasn't working. Nikki ran into the PRU

"Rhiannon! Go get Mr Byrne, now!" Nikki now desperate to get help, she then ran back out to where Lorraine was on the floor. Nikki had tears in her eyes, she was worried to the point of shaking.

"Lorraine please wake up" she moved Lorraine's curls out of her face and grabbed her phone from her pocket.

"Can I have an ambulance please. Hurry!" Nikki tried not to drop her phone, her voice laced with worry and she felt slightly sick. Mr Byrne soon heard the news of what happened and came to sit by Lorraine's side and waited patiently for the ambulance to arrive. Even he couldn't keep worry at bay, his face frowned and concerned. He's know Lorraine for years, yet never seen her like this, it hurt.

The ambulance soon arrived, Michael and Nikki still by Lorraine's side. It was the end of the day and hardly any pupils were in school. The paramedics put an oxygen mask on Lorraine and wheeled her away on a stretcher. Michael told Nikki to go in the ambulance with her and he would follow behind in his car. Nikki had just gotten in the ambulance, sitting by Lorraine now fully crying. Not many pupils left, but one in particular caught Lorraine in the corner of her eye. Brooklyn rushed towards Michael and asked what had happened.

"Look Brooklyn, get home and don't worry" Michael tried to calm Brooklyn down, but she knew it was Lorraine in the back of the ambulance.

"Brooklyn go home!" Michael shouted, so Brooklyn wondered off out of the gates and didn't care where she ended up


	4. Chapter 4

Brooklyn started walking, didn't care where she was going or where she would end up. She walked and walked and ended up at a bridge. Brooklyn stopped and leant on the bridge, it wasn't one of those massive bridges, it was a small brick one down a quiet country lane. The weather had been horrible earlier, but now the sun shone down making everything appear nicer than it was. Brooklyn breathed in the fresh air and stood in silence. Everything was quiet, it felt good to be alone too. Suddenly the silence broke, two boys rid past on their bikes. Brooklyn stayed put and thought they would just pass through, but she couldn't have been more wrong.

"Hey beautiful" one boy said as they both got off of their bikes and walked closer to Brooklyn.

Brooklyn tried to ignore them, she found both of them disgusting.

"Well aren't you a beautiful thing" the boy now had a sickening grin across his face, the kind that disturbed Brooklyn.

The two boys walked up, now close to Brooklyn, one played with her hair wrapping it around their fingers. Brooklyn froze in horror

"I'll call the police" Brooklyn manage to get a sentence out, but the boys just laughed.

"Haha! What are the pigs gonna do?" His laughter as sickening as the grin across his face. The other boy pulled his phone out of his pocket and started to record everything.

The boy without the phone, stopped playing with Brooklyn's hair and pulled her closer. He stroked her face still grinning and kissed her, Brooklyn tried pushing him away, but he was too strong.

"Come on beautiful, don't be like that" the boy now squeezing her cheeks tightly forcing her to look at the camera, his grip nearly lost due to tears streaming down Brooklyn's face.

"Please" Brooklyn sobbed and they both let out a laugh, like evil twins. The boy took his hand away from Brooklyn's face and put it on her neck, his grip loose. Brooklyn pushed him once more, his grip now released and she ran. They both grabbed their bikes and chased after her, she didn't have a chance. They caught up with Brooklyn, the one who kissed her grabbed her arm and they both fell to the floor. The dirt dry on Brooklyn's skin, he pinned her down, holding her arms, he was now on top of her. He tore at her shirt breaking the buttons, showing her bra. Brooklyn felt sick as his hand was on her bare skin.

"Haha you can't get away now" his face full with sweat, looking at her as if she were meat.

Brooklyn tried pushing him and pushing him, he soon got angry and with one swing the back of his hand hit Brooklyn's face. Brooklyn felt a surge of pain and slight burning on her cheek. The boy then tried to get at her belt, but something could be heard in the background.

Brooklyn couldn't make out what it was.

"Oi what the hell are you doing?!"

A woman's voice echoed in the distance. The guys both got up, grabbed their bikes and peddled off. Brooklyn sat up abruptly and wrapped her broken shirt around her flesh. A woman with a dog came over, dressed in what looked like workout clothes.

"Hey what did they do to you, are you ok?" She had a warmth to her voice and Brooklyn let out a sob.

"Oh lass come here" the woman opened her arms and pulled Brooklyn in, hugging her so tightly, Brooklyn still crying.

"Here you go" the woman wrapped her hoodie around Brooklyn and zipped it up. They both got off the floor and she asked Brooklyn where she wanted to go.

"Waterloo road, my car is parked there" the woman found it weird that a school girl of her age could drive, let alone afford a car.

"Ok, we'll I'll take you there, my name is Jenny by the way" Kenny have a warm smile to Brooklyn and they both started to walk. Brooklyn had asked Jenny if she could hold the lead, the dog small and fluffy.

"Yeah sure, she's called Dorothy" Brooklyn giggled at the name, her cheek stinging as her cheek bones lifted. It wasn't long before they arrived at the gates of Waterloo Road, Brooklyn was surprised it was still open, but also relived.

"Well this is me, thank you for bringing me back" Brooklyn smiled and patted Dorothy on the head.

"It's ok sweets, so which one is yours?" Jenny asking about the car that Brooklyn had parked. Brooklyn pointed over to a vintage 1966 cream Ford Mustang convertible.

"You're kidding right?" Jenny in shock at how a young girl could afford that.

"Yeah I was kind of born into money" Brooklyn being able to read Jenny's expressions.

"Ah so it was mummy and daddy" Jenny laughed

"Er no, just mother" Brooklyn looked down at then floor and thanked Jenny once again.

"Ok I better be off, I have school tomorrow" Brooklyn hugged Jenny, gave her mobile number to her and walked towards her car. Brooklyn got in and watched Jenny walk away with her dog. The realisation coming back of why she was in the middle of nowhere in the first place. Brooklyn gripped the steering wheel and hit it, angry and upset at the fact she couldn't be there for Lorraine. A burning sensation then came across her face, she remembered that she had been hit, hard. Brooklyn pulled down the visor and looked into the mirror attached to it. Her cheek red raw and a little bruised, with a deep cut engraved. He must have been wearing a ring, no way could his hand do this Brooklyn thought. She sat for what felt like forever and decided it was time to head home, even if she didn't want to.

Brooklyn finally pulled up to her apartment, it was a 30 minute drive to her flat from Waterloo road. She was exhausted, but knew she had to eat. She fixed herself a sandwich and sat down to eat it. Her mind was on Lorraine and if she was on, she didn't even know what had happened, but she couldn't go to the hospital. Brooklyn decided it was a good time to have a bath and head to bed, even if it was only eight, she was wrecked.

Nikki and Michael had been by Lorraine's side for hours at the hospital, waiting outside in the waiting area to see what was happening. They had said Lorraine was dehydrated, but not as severely as it could have been. Lorraine had come round a while back, but they kept her in to make sure she drank a solution which had potassium, sodium salts and glucose in it. The doctors had told Lorraine she didn't need to be in over night, as her fainting was due to exhaustion, worrying and slight dehydration. Nikki and Michael stayed even though they weren't supposed to be there, visiting hours were over at 4pm and it was now 8. Lorraine had to wait a long time and had blood tests to make sure she was ok.

"I've been here for four bloody hours, I'm starving and I need a hot bath" it was safe to say Lorraine seemed to be her usual self.

"Well, Can I go?" Lorraine asked, agitated and annoyed that they had kept her in for so long, when there was nothing wrong.

The doctor said it was ok for her to go and her heels clicked on the hard floor. Lorraine happy she could now go home, she walked out of the ward and saw Michael plus Nikki sitting waiting.

"Hey everything's fine, no need to worry, so you can both go" Lorraine smiled at both of them, Michael frowning a little, grabbing his jacket to leave.

"Ok, see you tomorrow" Michael left walking fast out of the hospital.

Lorraine grabbed Nikki's arm and told her to wait.

"I wanted Michael gone before I asked you" Lorraine now staring into Nikki's eyes.

"As you know, I'm not good with emotions, but this shook me up a little and I need to talk with you privately anyway, so I was wondering" Lorraine trailed off already sounding disappointed, before she even asked Nikki the question.

"I was wondering if you wouldn't mind staying tonight" Lorraine now embarrassed looking down at the floor. Nikki pulled Lorraine's chin up and responded with

"I told you didn't I? I'm here"

Lorraine smiled and with that, both woman left to get a taxi to Lorraine's.

"Wait, um Nikki can we stay at yours?" Lorraine asked

"Mine just feels too big and empty" Nikki could now see the sadness etched across Lorraine's face.

"Sure" Nikki whispered and they got in the taxi to go to Nikki's.

The taxi pulled up outside Nikki's house, Lorraine looked out of the widow as Nikki paid the taxi driver. They both got out and walked towards the front door, Lorraine behind Nikki. Nikki unlocked the front door and led Lorraine in. Lorraine looked around, the hall had white walls, one with a sun shaped mirror on it. There was a door opposite the front door which was also white, that was closed. Nikki slid past Lorraine to lock the front door.

"You can go in" Nikki smiled, Lorraine walked through a doorway without a door, she came to the living room. The walls were cream, but there was one feature wall opposite Lorraine. It was wallpaper that had blue birds, branches and bird cages on it. There was a big window to the left and the tv sat in the corner near it. Lorraine seemed tense and nervous.  
"Lorraine, relax" Nikki came behind Lorraine and squeezed her shoulders with the right amount of pressure. "Ugh I could do with a massage, today has been a roller coaster" Lorraine smirked and Nikki followed. Nikki brushed past Lorraine again and went to the kitchen, which was just basically a massive hole through the living room wall; open plan.  
"Drink?" Nikki asked  
"Cuppa would be nice" Lorraine smiled and a few moments later was handed her tea. Nikki knew just how Lorraine liked it, strong and sweet, just like Lorraine. Nikki laughed to herself at the thought of her calling Lorraine sweet, she was underneath about 10,000 layers.  
"What're you laughing at" Lorraine asked confused with a crease in her forehead  
"Nothing" Nikki looked at Lorraine and the two woman burst out laughing. The fact that Lorraine was so serious, made them both laugh. At least Nikki was laughing with Lorraine and not at her, even Lorraine knew how she could be.  
"So what's this big thing you have to tell me, or that we have to talk about?" Nikki's eyes filled with anticipation, whilst Lorraine's smile had just drained from her face.  
"Look Nik, I care, I do" Nikki interrupted Lorraine  
"You could have fooled me" she laughed, but Lorraine was trying to be serious and carried on.  
"I care, even though I may not show it. I like you Nikki, a lot. I trust you, you're the only one I trust out of those nuts at Waterloo. I need to tell you, it's stressing me out and I can't keep it in any longer" Nikki now listening to Lorraine's every word, she felt on edge.  
"Look, it's about Brooklyn Lerenn" Lorraine now pausing for a moment  
"I know her, she, we" Lorraine now trailing off, finding it hard to choose the right words.  
"Me and her. We, we were together as a couple and before you judge or think badly of me, hear me out" Lorraine looking Nikki in the eyes, looking at how Nikki's face was emotionless.  
"We were dating, I met her in a bar. She told me she was twenty, I believed her, why wouldn't I? It was a month after we had been dating when she told me her real age, but by then I had feelings for her. She brought out my younger side, I loved her, but loved, I couldn't ever again. After what happened, I couldn't ever be with her" Lorraine's eyes glazed with tears, one rolled down her cheek. Nikki could see how upset Lorraine was, just when Nikki was about to say something Lorraine spoke.  
"I didn't know! I swear I didn't know and I had fallen for her when I found out she was only 16" Nikki then spoke up  
"16 bloody hell Lorraine" Nikki's voice now echoing in Lorraine's mind. Nikki then realised that Lorraine really did love Brooklyn, she grabbed Lorraine and pulled her close.  
"It's not your fault Lorraine, but why didn't you call it off?" Nikki's words cut through Lorraine's sobbing.  
"I tried ignoring it, it lasted a day. Look I don't need you to understand, nobody ever did" Lorraine now pulling away from Nikki's grasp, her words blunt.  
"I don't just let anyone in Nikki, I keep people at arms length. It was different. It wasn't the guys that I never fancied, who always wanted my money or just sex. It wasn't those one night stands, where you grab your clothes and you leave whilst they're sleeping. This was something I never had, a relationship" Nikki now getting to understand why Lorraine was the way she was.  
"Ok, so just tell me. Tell me what happened. Lorraine I'm here" Nikki laid a hand on Lorraine's knee. Lorraine felt warm and fuzzy, ready to open up to Nikki. It was time she thought.


	5. Chapter 5

**I was at work, but didn't have work on my mind. I had Brooklyn, Brooklyn and I were going great, even if we did have to keep it a secret. I felt wrong, yeah I did, but who could really put an age on love? The thought of her being young did put me off, but somehow I shrugged it off; like most of my unwanted emotions. I couldn't really think straight, why was I even at work? Ever since I had been with Brooklyn, I didn't, well couldn't think about anything but her. I picked up my papers, I didn't even know what they had on them, I was the one who had written them. It was stressing me out, the thought of her being my dirty little secret. I liked my privacy, yes I really did, but going behind Brooklyn's own mother; it was wrong. I needed to leave the room, panic sinking in, I needed to get out! My palms started to get sweaty, my head light, my body cold and tingly. The room just seemed a little hazy, I felt like I was dreaming. The feeling of sickness was overwhelming.  
I needed to escape, my staff were looking at me funny. They could tell something was up, that made me panic even more.  
"Are you ok Lorraine?" He looked at me as though I was a wounded animal. I'm anything but!  
"I'm fine, excuse me for a moment" I left the room, the air cooler as I stepped out of the door. The toilets would be empty I thought, I needed somewhere to run to. The toilets are quite nice in here, the ladies painted a stereotypical pink. I locked myself in one of the cubicles, my head filled with guilt and worry. Me and Brooklyn had been together for a long time now, six months was long for me anyway. I had never had one successful relationship, just one night stands with guys and a few with girls. I wasn't the loving type, I'm not the loving type, but Brooklyn made me see differently, like all was clear. All this time and we were still hiding, hiding from what people would say. Sonia knew, she was the only one, I told her. I liked the fact someone knew, the fact Sonia knew, meant I wasn't alone and if I needed to talk, she was there. We had a bond, me and Sonia were close, but I didn't seem to have time for her and didn't even make time for her. The one thing I love about my sister is, no matter how blunt or nasty I can be, she's always there for me; a heart of gold. I had almost forgotten where I was, then realisation hit me, I was at work. The sickness feeling was getting worse, a lot worse. I could feel it, the metallic taste in my throat making an appearance. My head now over the basin, looking down into a toilet wasn't exactly where I wanted to be, but it was coming and then I couldn't stop. I was sick, my insides churning, gagging. I couldn't stop, I just kept being sick, my head banging. I hated being sick, it made me upset. Tears started to fall along with more sick, what was happening? I'm not ill, am I? Maybe the stress was becoming too much, the thought of going home with Brooklyn and knowing that when I stepped through the front door, I was only then allowed to hold her hand; to hold her. It got to me, obviously it got to me. It was making me sick, I know that when I'm stressed, I get physical symptoms. I hate the fact it brings me out with whatever it feels like. I had finally stopped being sick, my stomach now felt empty and my head felt sore. There was a knock on the cubicle door (so much for my theory of 'nobody comes in here')  
"Hello? Are you ok in there" someone had heard me being sick, why else would they ask if I was ok?  
"Yeah I'm fine thanks" my tone sounded a little bitter, I didn't mean it to. I got off the floor, wiped my mouth with some tissue and unlocked the door.  
"Lorraine you look like shit" Shirley was standing outside staring at me, shocked as I always tried to look decent.  
"Yeah I know, I look like shit and feel like it" I laughed, but I really did feel like crap.  
"Lorraine go home, I'll explain why you're not there" Shirley was a sweet soul, unlike me.  
"Thanks" I smiled and left, I nearly forgot my bag, I had laid it on the floor in the cubicle I was in, but thankfully Shirley noticed.  
"Thank you, you're a life saver" I nodded and left the toilets.  
My head felt like it was about to explode, I needed to get home and get my arse some paracetamol. The drive was long and made me feel even worse, the bumps making me want to throw up. I got home safely, I was worried I could have been sick in the car; that would not have been good! I got into my flat and even though it was Brooklyn who made me worry, it was Brooklyn who I wanted. She was at school for goodness sake, the word 'school' being the operative one. The sound of the word became abnormal as I repeated it in my head, why did I have to fall for her? Why couldn't I just have a happy relationship, they all seem to fuck up. Brooklyn even had her own key to my flat! I was really losing the plot. I got the paracetamol out of the bathroom cabinet, blimey I really did look rough. I took the box of pills to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water to take them with. I popped out two and swallowed the hard bullets. The thought did cross my mind, the thought that maybe two wasn't enough, that I had whiskey in my cupboard, the combination lethal. I'm going crazy, maybe I am crazy. I needed the whiskey, but I felt like utter shit. I needed more than a fucking drink, I needed all of it to disappear. What am I saying? I truly feel numb, I truly feel helpless. A bath was calling my name, I avoided the disturbing thoughts, the whiskey and the pills, I ran a nice hot bath. I had a feeling it would relax me, that it would make my ill self feel a tiny bit better. The warm liquid ran over my body, the bubbles caressing every inch of the flesh that covered my aching bones. My hair was up, my neck touching the back of the bath, my legs stretched out. It was nice, my breasts fully submerged, the water high; deep. The soap left the bottle and hit my hand, cold to the touch, I needed to shave my legs. The silky peach shower gel lathered all over my legs, I reached to get the razor sitting at the end where my legs touched the bath. It didn't take long to shave them, the razor now back in it's place. I was still laying, my legs slightly open, I was alone, very alone. My hands laid on my thighs, the stress being swept away by the touch of my own hands on my own legs. I was now moving my hand over my abdomen, up to my breasts, the touch of my fingers made my nipples stand. The stress seemed to be lifting, It felt good. My hand glided down between my legs, the left one. The other hand gripping the side of the bath tub, the worries disappearing. I was now biting my lip, the taste of my raspberry chapstick sour on my tongue. My eyes closed, thoughts drifting around my head, sexual thoughts. It felt good, it felt really good, but the sudden drifting thought of Brooklyn and what we had, made me stop. I stopped and lifted my body up, I was now sitting. I did feel good, but now I was back to square one. I had lost the urge, that annoyed me a little. I stared at the walls for ages, the cream was incredibly boring, why did I decorate my place with such boring colours? My eyes then caught sight of the razor, it's blades seemed to glimmer in the dim light. Before I could think about what I was doing, I was driving the sharp blades into my soft skin. My thighs were bleeding, but it didn't hurt, it relieved. I kept on digging it in, tears falling to the water tinted red. I had enough of the cutting, I stopped and stared at the walls again, the bath water was more colourful than my bathroom. It didn't seem like much when I was doing it, but after I sat down in the bright light of my bedroom, I saw them. My thigh was red raw, not the whole of it, but there was a lot of cuts. What had I done to myself, I'd become a nervous, manic wreck. They didn't hurt when I was doing it, but now they stung like a bitch. I needed something to clover them, no one could know. I had nothing to cover them, as they were pretty deep and still bleeding. I tied a tea towel around my leg, put some baggy bottoms on and left the house. The nearest chemist was five minutes in the car and I needed bandages. Hospitals would lock me up and others would call me mental. I wasn't crazy, just stressed. This isn't crazy, this is just a phase. The chemist was empty when I got there, no I lied, there was one other customer in there. I grabbed some bandages, some medical tape and paid. I left and was home before I knew it. It really did hurt like a bitch, I was cleaning the wounds, which made my eyes water. I didn't know whether I should put my whiskey to some sort of good use, but that made me cringe, warm water would be fine. I then took the bandages and started wrapping them around my thigh. I used all of the roll as I wanted to make sure the blood didn't seep. I forgot to buy some of those things they use in hospitals, the things with sticky edges, blimey you could really tell I was educated. I just hoped the bandage would work, I then secured the bandage with the medical tape I bought. All done, I was no doctor, but I done a pretty good job. I put some pj bottoms on and a white tank top, I still felt like shit. The car made me feel sick once again, toast is the best thing to eat, I soon had the toaster on. Dry toast wasn't that nice, but I really couldn't bare being sick again. I needed to occupy myself, I turned the tv on and relaxed on the sofa. I could feel my eyes closing, then I fell asleep.**

"So that's what those scars were on your leg. I saw them, when we... I just didn't want to say anything" Nikki couldn't believe Lorraine felt that low, that hurting herself was the only escape. Lorraine looked down, this was a big step for her, letting Nikki know about her past and about her ghosts was more than a big step, it was a milestone.  
"Look Lorraine you really don't have to tell me more, I understand if you don't want to" Nikki squeezed Lorraine's arm tightly and Lorraine fell into her arms. The women were now cradling each other, Lorraine's tears wetting Nikki's shirt.  
"It's ok, I told you that I'm here" Nikki cupping the back of Lorraine head with her hand, her chin on the top of Lorraine's head. Nikki had never seen Lorraine like this, but now understood why she had never seen Lorraine like this. Lorraine's nails were digging into Nikki's back, as though she never wanted to be let go. Lorraine now lifted her head to look Nikki in the eyes, she looked deep into Nikki's eyes, her hand lifting to Nikki's face. Lorraine kissed Nikki, she then went to kiss her again, but Nikki pushed Lorraine away.  
"Not like this" Nikki cupped Lorraine's face and kissed her on the forehead. Lorraine laid her head on Nikki's chest, she now wanted to tell Nikki everything.

I woke to a kiss on the cheek, a kiss also planted on my nose. I opened my eyes to see Brooklyn leant over me.  
"What's the time?" Wow I sounded desperate and shocked to see her.  
"It's 5, Lorraine are you ok, you don't look well" Brooklyn looked at me with concern in her eyes, I stroked her face and told her I was fine, she looked as thought she didn't believe me, but yet never questioned me.  
"I brought food" she beamed, now wasn't really the time for take away food. I felt Ill, I was worried she would notice my leg even if it was covered up and I liked to eat healthily.  
"Come on then" she passed me a plate with an Indian curry on it, complete with naan bread and samosas. The thought of even one mouthful made me feel sick.  
"Babe I don't know if I can eat it, I was sick earlier"  
"What?! When?! Why didn't you call me, I could have skipped a few lessons" her voice concerned and her eyes wide. I wanted to spill all to her, but I couldn't.  
"I'm fine Bick, honestly" I grabbed her arm and lied, a part of me felt horrible for lying, but the real reason I was feeling this way, was because of her. As much as I loved her, as much as I wanted her, the thought of us made me feel wrong. Was this wrong? I started to question my own feelings for her. I loved her, I held back the tears as her eyes moved from me to her plate of food.  
"Well do you want me to save yours?" Brooklyn was playing with her food, I had made her feel bad, why do I have a habit of doing that.  
"Here I'll put it in the microwave and I promise I will eat it later" here I go again, lying, promising to eat the food she had bought, but I didn't want to eat anything. Brooklyn nodded her head and started to eat what was on her plate. Time soon passed and Brooklyn stood over the sink washing up her dirty plate, she looked down, probably because of me. I felt bad in every single way possible, maybe I should tell her to go.  
"Brooke I'm sorry I didn't eat, I just really feel ill" I was now being honest, I really did feel ill.  
"It's ok, you just seem odd. With me" her voice breaking, as if she was too scared to say the sentence.  
It was true, I had things on my mind, I had cuts on my leg.  
"No, it's nothing. I just feel down, probably because I feel ill" I smiled to hide the cracks that were forming. I didn't want our relationship to end, but if it was making me this ill... I asked If she could make me a cup of tea, she grinned and made me one. She really didn't seem sixteen, she was really mature for her age, but it didn't make it right. She passed me the cup of tea and sat beside me.  
"Come here" she pulled me with her arm, put my tea on the coffee table and held me. It was nice, it felt amazing. We sat watching stupid soaps, I've never liked them, they don't hold my interest. Brooklyn like them, she also cried a lot at them. I just laughed at how emotional she could get, over something that wasn't even real. I wasn't one to cry in front of people, I was one to bottle things up, pretend and then cry alone not wanting help. I liked the fact I felt comfortable with her, even though it was silent. One minute I loved being with her, the next I couldn't even look at her. I thought that it was about time to at least talk to her, even if I really didn't want to.  
"Hey, can we talk" her face looked confused, her now sitting up to listen to me.  
"What about, Is something wrong?" Brooklyn now had fear written all over her face  
"It's just I've been worrying and all this worrying is making me ill. I don't know what to do, about... Us" the words that left my mouth didn't seem real, they left a horrid taste in my mouth.  
"What about us? Oh god you want to break up don't you!" Brooklyn now on the edge of the sofa, her body tense.  
"I don't know what I want, I just want a normal relationship, where I can go out with my girlfriend knowing it's ok to hold her hand and meet her mother" my voice now sounding distant and cold. She had tears in her eyes, she wasn't afraid to show her emotion, that's partly why I loved her. She couldn't look at me, my words cutting her, but without the blades.  
"Brooklyn?" I didn't know what else to say, she just stared into nothing.  
"So you're scared, that's basically what you're saying. You know I'd tell my mother if I could, you know how she is" I felt so bad, it was true, I knew how her mum could be, she told me how she reacted to Brooklyn being gay and what she done when her ex best friend told her mum everything.  
"It's also the age gap, It just sometimes feels wrong" I didn't want to say it, but it was the truth.  
"So does this feel wrong then" she now looked at me and next thing you know, our lips were locked. Goosebumps all over my body, shivering. I really did love the way she kissed me, soft and when we got more into it; passionate. She leant into me her hand on my thigh, her hand was on my thigh. A burning sensation went through my whole thigh.  
"Fuck!" I couldn't hold it in any longer, the pain was unbearable, as now her whole body weight was upon my thigh.  
"What's wrong?" Brooklyn looked at me puzzled, me holding my leg, it killed.  
"What happened, why are you holding your leg?" That dreaded question I wanted to avoid, the question that sent shivers through my spine.  
"Nothing has happened and I'm fine" lying wasn't working, she could see right through it.  
"Lorraine what happened? Please, just tell me" I'd never heard so much concern in her voice, her eyes wide and watery.  
"Brooklyn leave it!" I snapped at her, she was taken aback at how moody I sounded.  
"If you're not gonna tell me, I'll find out" she started looking all over my flat, looking for something to explain my odd behaviour. She looked high and low, in the cupboards. I sat and watched her hysterically ruffle through my things.  
"What are you even trying to find, I'm fine" I smirked to try and hide the lies.  
She then made her way from the kitchen into my bedroom, I didn't follow her, I just sat and waited for her to be disappointed with finding nothing.  
"What's this?!" Brooklyn came storming back through to where I was sitting, she was holding up the bandage packet and tape I had used.  
"I had an accident earlier, it's no big deal" yet again trying to shrug this whole situation to one side.  
"What kind of accident? Show me" now I was worried, she wanted to see the wound, well I had wounds.  
"I've bandaged it, I can't just bloody undo it" I'm not very convincing, she still wanted me to show her.  
"This is ridiculous, what is so bad about showing me"  
"Leave it Brooklyn!" Now I was angry, I hated people telling me what to do and what I should do. I think I made her angry too, she took her stuff and left, once again I was alone.

"Oh Lorraine" Nikki couldn't believe what she had heard, she felt grateful in a way too, Lorraine never opens up to anyone.  
"Yeah well at least now you know about some of my past; a part of it" Lorraine wiped the tears from her face and looked away embarrassed of showing her true feelings to Nikki.  
"Look I'll run you a bath and make sure there's bubbles" Nikki smiled at Lorraine and went upstairs to run her a bath. Lorraine couldn't believe how open she was to Nikki, she wasn't sure if she regretted it or whether it felt like a weight had been lifted. Lorraine hadn't even brought anything with her to Nikki's, not even any extra underwear.  
"Here you can wear this" Nikki came back downstairs and passed Lorraine a white long sleeved top and some jogging bottoms.  
"I don't know whether they'll fit, let's face it you're petite" Nikki laughed at something that really wasn't amusing.  
"Are you complimenting my 'petite' figure, or taking the mick" Lorraine gave Nikki a cheeky side smile, because she knew exactly what Nikki meant.  
"Your body is... Great as it is" Nikki looked down at the floor, making sure she avoided eye contact with Lorraine. Lorraine now knew Nikki cared, that Nikki could make her happy, she did make her happy. The two women flirted till Lorraine got into the bath, with bubbles like Nikki promised.  
The thought of Lorraine digging the razor into her skin made Nikki shudder, she really did like Lorraine, maybe even loved her.  
"Hey, thank you for letting me stay" Lorraine came through with what Nikki had leant her, Nikki liked the dressed down Lorraine, she seemed more real and relaxed.  
"No problem, anytime" Lorraine smiled as Nikki warmed her heart with that very sentence. The two woman sat on Nikki's sofa, both in silence, not knowing what to say to the other. Then both women started to speak at the same time, interrupting one another.  
"Haha no you go" Nikki told Lorraine  
"How do you feel about me Nikki" Lorraine now serious, her face frowned.  
Nikki grabbed Lorraine's hand  
"You know how I feel Lorraine, it's just a shame you gave up at the first hurdle" Nikki didn't like what she was saying, but it was the truth.  
"Well what if I told you I was stupid, I didn't mean to hurt you. I miss you Nikki, I want.. Us back" Lorraine now taking Nikki's hand and rubbing the back of it with her thumb. Nikki sat there not really knowing what to think, not knowing what to do. Nikki also didn't want to feel like she was taking advantage of the situation, as Lorraine had told her some pretty deep stuff.  
"Lor.." Nikki started, but didn't finish. Lorraine had planted a kiss on her cheek, her lips soft and without lip gloss for the first time. They both looked at each other, anticipation in both of their eyes. Neither of them knew what was going to happen, but they soon locked lips. The passion swimming around the two, their hands fumbling all over one another. The moment then became heated.


	6. Chapter 6

Lorraine and Nikki were now all over one another, Nikki lifting Lorraine up. Nikki now between Lorraine legs, they were kissing each other. This was different Lorraine thought, in a good way, as Lorraine knew that Nikki was around her age and she could at least meet the parents. Nikki was in control and Lorraine loved that, it felt good to not be the boss for once. Nikki's hands were still gripping Lorraine's legs, the two of them on the sofa. Lorraine sitting upright, legs open and Nikki on top. Lorraine had the white top and jogging bottoms on Nikki had leant her, the top soon came off. Lorraine had no bra on, so her bare breasts were showing, Nikki's lips now on Lorraine's neck. Soft, tingly, hot kisses glided downwards. Lorraine holding the back of the sofa, her breathing making her chest rise and fall rapidly. Soon the two women were naked, now laying on the sofa, Nikki still on top, she really knew what she was doing Lorraine thought. Skin to skin, the warmth of Lorraine's skin on Nikki's.  
"Shit you've got to be kidding me" Nikki got off of Lorraine, there was someone at the door. Both women looking at each other, both disappointed at the fact they couldn't finish what they had just started. Lorraine grabbed the clothes she was wearing and hurried getting dressed, Nikki also done the same, she couldn't answer the door naked. Nikki got to the door, hot and flustered.  
"Michael? What are you doing here, it's late" Nikki couldn't believe who was standing on her doorstep.  
"I was looking for Lorraine. I went to her house and she wasn't there, I figured she'd be here" Michael's Scottish accent broad and low.  
"Oh, yeah she's here. Do you want to come in?" Nikki asked  
"No, I just wanted to make sure she was ok and it was a good excuse to use to get away from Christine" Michael chuckled and smiled and Nikki, then Nikki felt something behind her, it was Lorraine.  
"Michael I'm fine, really. Nikki is looking after me" Lorraine had a way of being cheeky, her smirk said it all. Michael nodded and left. Nikki closed the door and turned to Lorraine.  
"Because that wasn't weird at all" it was weird for Michael to be standing on her property, he had never been before. He did say Christine was doing his head in, maybe he needed space. He also had the stress of Lorraine wanting to turn Waterloo Road into a fee paying school. Lorraine always thought she knew best, but sometimes money was more of a priority than the kids; even if she did say she cared more about the kids.  
"So you want to finish what we started" Lorraine whispered in Nikki's ear, her breath tickling the inside of it. Nikki smiled and led her back to the living room, both giggling like school children.

"Hello beautiful" Nikki took a piece of Lorraine's hair out of her big blue eyes and stared into them.  
"Hi" Lorraine smiled at Nikki, she felt so at home, so comfortable. They had gotten to bed last night quite late after they had... Had their fun. It was 6am, the usual time Nikki set her alarm.  
"I suppose we better get ready then" Lorraine sat up in bed, the cover over her naked body. Nikki got out of bed and started walking towards her on suite bathroom. Lorraine admired Nikki's really nice and pert arse, her athletic shape and her chestnut brown hair that glowed in the morning sun seeping through the cracked curtains.  
"You coming then?" Nikki asked with a flirtatious tone that Lorraine couldn't resist. They had a shower together, it was nice, Lorraine couldn't believe what she was doing, but it felt right.  
"We might have to order a taxi, I left my car at Waterloo" Nikki had left her car at the school as she went in the ambulance with Lorraine and there was no other way of getting into the school. Nikki ordered the taxi and made her and Lorraine a cup of coffee.  
"Thank you for letting me stay, I couldn't face my empty house" Lorraine looked into her coffee, pretending, trying to put on a brave face.  
"Lorraine will you stop it, it's no trouble and you're my..." Nikki stopped in her tracks, too afraid to say the word.  
"I'm your girlfriend" Lorraine smiled, the word girlfriend making Nikki grin from ear to ear.

It was already 9pm I hadn't heard from Brooklyn since she left, I felt guilty in a way, but I wasn't the type to lie. My leg was now in even more pain, the cuts were deep, I had no idea if they were still bleeding. I didn't want to look at them, they reminded me of everything I wanted to avoid. I needed to take the bandage off, they were so sore, taking the bandage off took my breath away, I panicked as the bandage had slightly stuck to the cuts. Fuck they fucking hurt, I really shouldn't have done it, I should have left it; put my feelings aside. Putting my feelings aside was what i usually did, otherwise this happens. The light shone on the cuts, deep red and seeping. The blood cold. How was I supposed to stop this bleeding, why were they still bleeding? Maybe I should call Brooklyn, maybe she would know, no I'm being stupid. I picked up my phone, now with tears streaming down my face, I didn't realise how bad I'd actually cut myself.  
"Brooklyn please come back, I need you" I hated to admit it, but I needed someone and anyone but my sister.  
"Forget it Lorraine! You didn't want me earlier, what's so different now " her voice laced with anger  
"No, please listen.." Then she interrupted me  
"Lorraine I listened to you and for what? For you to tell me you don't think we're right together" I had really angered her, I've never heard her like this before  
"It's my leg!" I didn't know what else to say, it just came out. There was silence between us, then..  
"Why what's happened?" Her voice still angry, but this time with more concern.  
"Please.. Ju.. Just come here" I was now crying, my leg was sore and I couldn't believe what I had done; it wasn't me.  
"Ok, I will try and get out. Be there in ten" she was coming over, thank goodness, I needed her.  
In that moment I finally realised, that she was the only person I trusted, the only person who I could turn to. No one had ever made me feel like this, no one. My leg was still bleeding a bit, it had calmed down, but was still seeping. I tried putting my leg over the bath, whilst bathing my leg in cold water. It really didn't help, it just made the pain worse. I am such an idiot, such a fucking idiot! I made my way to the living room, I also held a towel on my leg. I didn't want to go to the hospital, but if they were going to be like this all night, I might have to go.  
"Hey" I felt a hand on my shoulder, touching it softly. I turned to face Brooklyn (I was turned to the side of the sofa, I had my back against the arm of it)  
"Hey Bik, thank you for coming"  
"It's no worry Lorraine, so what's wrong?" She still seemed pissed and she looked uncomfortable, just because she was there in the same room as me. I already felt like shit and now I felt even shitter.  
"Yeah well it's my leg, I.." I didn't say anymore, instead I decided to just show her. I took the towel off to reveal the deep cuts on my leg. Some of the cuts overlapped, making the wounds bigger in parts.  
"Fuck! How the, what?! Did you do this?" She knelt down on the floor, scanning the cuts with her eyes. Brooklyn then touched my sore leg, running her fingers over it, but only around the cuts. Yes it was around the cuts, but fuck it still hurt.  
"Thhhssst" I gritted my teeth as the pain was too much, even if her touch was as light as a feather.  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you" Brooklyn's eyes were glued to my face, looking at every line etched in my skin, the frown that escaped to my forehead, as the tears stung my eyes; eyes red. She grabbed the back of my head, her hand intertwined in my long locks, her forehead touching mine. The warmth of her breath on my lips, the tingle I got from her nails in my scalp.  
"Lorraine, please never do that again.. Promise me" she stared into my eyes, she stared into the depths of my very being. I finally knew that I couldn't give her up, I couldn't lose her; we had something. She stayed by my side the whole night, me sleeping on the sofa, her on the floor. I was glad I had someone there, the bleeding had also finally stopped. Brooklyn used an old T-shirt of mine to wrap around the open wounds, just so there was pressure on them. I also noticed she would check on me every so often, she would check my leg and then cover it again. She done it for the whole night, she must have been exhausted. Brooklyn deserved a cooked breakfast or lunch, she probably wasn't going to be up early. I had phoned work, made some excuse about having family problems and needing the week off; nobody suspected. Brooklyn had missed school as it was now 10 am. Ok, so I need to get food, food for a fry up. I got ready and left the house, I snuck a kiss on Brooklyn's forehead, she was out for the count, didn't even flinch. I made it to Tesco, Asda was too far away, I know I had a car, but I didn't want to leave Brooklyn for long. Sausages, eggs, bacon, tomatoes, the whole lot. I smiled to myself as I made a mental list in my head. The queue wasn't long, probably as it was early; I paid. I think the guy behind the counter fancied me, he blushed a little too; never gonna happen! I tried not to giggle at my own thoughts, if I giggled I might have made him wet himself. Ok, now I have to laugh, good thing I was back in my car, shopping next to me in the passenger seat. On my way home I noticed the sun was starting to get out, I felt good about things for the first time, in a long time.

The sausages were in the pan, along with the bacon. I felt two arms wrap around my waist, Brooklyn stood behind me, her chin on my shoulder.  
"Smells nice" she smiled  
"Well lets hope it tastes nice too" I couldn't stop myself from sounding cheeky, it was in my nature. I could make a lot of things sound seductive, even if it was about a few sausages...  
We sat together at the breakfast bar, the TV on in the background. The plates were soon cleared, it was a nice meal.  
"Hey Lorraine I need to go back to mine for a few" Brooklyn twiddled her fork around her fingers and stared at her empty plate.  
"Yeah sure" so much for us spending the day in chilling, as I really didn't want to do much. I took her plate and washed up, the suds covering my pale hands; bubbles popping.  
"Ok, I will be back later" her voice echoed in the hall way and she was gone. The door slammed shut, the sound deafening, don't think she meant to shut it that hard. This was the moment I wished I was at work, because another day alone wasn't what I had planned. I decided to go into town, making sure I looked nothing but perfect before I went. I txt Brooklyn and told her to just let herself in and wait for me, who knew how long she'd be. I paid for a parking ticket in the car park. I fancied a bit of shopping to make me feel better. I wasn't a fan of Primark, my market is more high end thank high street. I liked my Prada, Gucci and so on, I also had the money to buy those sorts of things; expensive things. I walked into Burberry on Chatham Pl. I saw the most gorgeous bag, sleek black leather. I had to smell it, take in the smell that I adored most. I glared down at the price tag, a little scared about how much. Lets just say it was in the three zero mark. I bought it, I walked up to the counter, my shoes clicking and paid for it, by card not cash. If I was to carry around hundreds of pounds, I would get mugged. I liked spending my money on myself, but I wanted to get something nice for Bickie. I went over to the dresses, all colour coordinated. Brooklyn would look amazing in red I thought, there was one which was red tartan, with white cuffs at the sleeves as a white collar. Brooklyn would look really nice in that, the sleeves were long and the dress just above knee length. She was quirky, so the dress fitted her style nicely, the price was high, but I didn't give a shit. I bought another expensive item, one for me and one for her. I had, had enough of walking around. I had trousers on, which I wasn't used to, I liked my pencil skirts, but I couldn't risk anyone seeing my leg, even if the skirts were quite long. I got back in my car a drove home. I got back, but still heard nothing from Brooklyn. No calls, no texts, nothing. I got in the door, called for Brooklyn, but no answer. I put my bags down on the kitchen counter, thought I'd turn the radio on and sit for a while, hoping Brooke would turn up soon. The minutes soon turned into hours and I was still sitting in the same position, the sun wanting to set, but it wasn't quite there yet. I was starting to get worried, Brooklyn would normally text or call, I would have thought she'd be here by now. It was getting late and I was getting restless, to the point of pacing up and down the room. I tried calling, I left about 28 voice mails and even more texts. I needed to go round to hers, even if her mother was there. I didn't care, I just needed to know she was ok, this was out of character. I got in my car once again, in the hope I'd find out what was going on. I got to Brooklyn's after twenty minutes of driving. The sun getting lower, the moon wanting to rise. I could make out some of the stars. I walked towards the front door of her house, I was shaking as I had no idea what to expect. Three knocks and I waited. The door creaked open, there behind the crack was Brooklyn. Only showing half of her face, the other half behind the heavy door.  
"What are you doing here?! Go Lorraine!" She literally shouted at me, but you could tell she had been crying.  
"Broo.." I didn't finish, there was a female voice in the distance, asking who it was.  
"Go Lorraine!" Her voice desperate, it felt shit that she didn't want me there. Something wasn't right, something didn't feel right.  
"Brooklyn just tell me what's wrong" I spat the words through my teeth, trying hard not to be heard. The door opened fully now, a woman with dark hair stood at the door.  
"Is this her?" She looked at Brooklyn with anger in her eyes. She knew, I had a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, I'm sure I turned a lighter shade of pale.  
"I should go" I managed a smile and started to walk, ignoring the shouting behind me.  
"Mum no!" Brooklyn screamed, I knew something was about to happen.  
"Oi you, you vermin. You've been sleeping with my daughter! Tell me why I shouldn't call the police" now I must have looked like a ghost as my blood ran cold, this was my worst nightmare. I tried to keep on walking, but she grabbed my arm, tightly. Then with force she slapped me, now that stung like a bitch, the burn nearly as painful as my cuts.  
"NO STOP!" Brooklyn screamed at the top of her voice, the neighbours must have heard.  
"Get inside Brooklyn, NOW!" Something told me Brooklyn never even tried crossing her mother, she ran inside and looked back at me one last time.  
"You better get off my property, go back to wherever your kind come from and never, I repeat never come back" her mouth now close to my ear, whispering the last few words of the sentence. Tears were falling, but why would she care, she had every right to be mad at me. I nodded my head, looked at Brooklyn's house and left.

I got back to my apartment, got in and what greeted me made me fall to the floor, it was the dress I had bought Brooklyn. I was on the edge, I couldn't breathe. My breath quick and heavy, pacing, my hand on the wall, the other on my chest. The pain in my chest was severe, it felt like I had been running for miles, yet I was still. I was sweating, but my hands were stone cold, I also had tingling in my hands. My head felt light, the worse I felt, the worse it got as I panicked more. I need her, why was my mind so fucked up, her mother just had a go at me and I was wanting to ring her! My phone dialled the number, I dialled the number, yet it felt like I hadn't. It rang and rang, then a faint voice said my name.  
"Lorraine, I'm so sorry, she just.. Are you ok?" Brooklyn could hear me breathing heavily.  
"Brook, I.. I.. I can't.. Help" I burst out, so many emotions in my words.  
"Lo calm down, I'm coming round" she told me she would be here soon and hung up. I was scared that her mother would call the police, but I needed her, I loved her. I tried getting a glass of water, but my hands shook too much, why isn't this ending? Stop for goodness sake, I need to keep composure; I always keep my composure. I'm usually the one that's got it together, yet here I am bending over with my forehead on the wall.

"Shit Lorraine!" It was Brooklyn she had a key to my flat and let herself In, she saw me laying on the floor. I was on my side, crying and curled up into a ball. Never has this happened, but I guess it was all leading to this.

She cradled me for hours, I sobbed in her arms for almost all of those hours. The quiet weeping heard in the air, I'd become a wreck, the thing I most feared, was to be perceived as weak and in that moment I, well, was weak. We didn't move for a good few hours, her warm arms wrapped around my whole body, her grip tight, but soft.  
I rested my head on her chest and after those three hours of not moving, I lifted my head to look at her, to look in her eyes. She planted a feather soft kiss on my lips, told me she would never leave me.

Another hour had passed, she passed me a piping hot cup of tea and a plate full of biscuits.  
"Babe I'm not hungry" all the crying had made me tired and queasy.  
"Lo you need sugar, just eat them will you" she spoke with lightness to her voice, I smiled and dipped one digestive into my tea. After carefully trying to dip my biscuits without making them too soggy, so they wouldn't break, I noticed Brooklyn's cheek was red. Her left cheek was darker than her right and it looked a little bruised.  
"What happened to your cheek?" I had to ask.  
"What? Nothing why?" Her voice shaky, I could tell she was lying.  
"Come on, I know when you're lying. You can tell me" I tried to be as calm as possible, because mostly I was too blunt and cocky.  
"Mum, when she found out. Don't worry it's not always, this is the first time she's actually hit me. Well she hit both of us haha" she looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and looked to the floor. I cupped her face, making sure I got the right cheek and then started stroking it with my thumb. I can't believe her mum done that to her, I mean yeah be angry, but don't hit your own daughter.  
"Oh! I have something for you" I beamed, maybe a little too excited, but I hadn't had a chance to give Brooklyn the dress I bought her.  
I gave her the bag with the expensive dress in it.  
"Lo! You shouldn't have" a smile danced across her face as she lifted the dress from the bag. I shyly looked away, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden.  
"It's no bother" I tried to sound cool and not so idiot like. She came forward and kissed me, those type of kisses where one peck leads to passion. In that moment, even though I had the shittest day, this was bliss.

It was soon that time where you need sleep, but can't be bothered to move as you're too comfy.  
"Pull me up" I asked cheekily with a sigh, acting like a ten year old. It make Brooklyn smile though, that's a bonus. She heaved me up and we went to bed, both sleeping naked next to each other, cradling each other. I had a weird dream that I woke to see everyone I've ever met surrounding me, poking me and judging me for being with Brooklyn. The nightmare woke me up, there I was sweating and panting, trying to grasp what was reality. Brooklyn was still asleep, I quietly got out of bed and made myself a cup of tea. The days seemed to merge together, I wasn't at work and felt as if I needed a new direction, I just didn't know what it was yet.

Nikki walked towards her office, the thought of officially being Lorraine's girlfriend made her grin.  
"What's putting a smile on your face? Good night?" It was Audrey, the beaming glow Nikki had on her face said it all. The truth was, that Nikki had the best night and shared that very night with Lorraine.  
"You could say that" Nikki smiled at Audrey  
"Ahhh Lorraine" Audrey suggested, that's when Nikki's smile dropped.  
"Oh don't worry, I won't tell" Audrey's smile now more prominent. Nikki walked always worrying in case everyone knew, if Christine found out, she would eat her alive.  
Lorraine had arrived at the entrance to the staff room when Christine stopped her in her tracks.  
"You and Nikki are getting a bit close" she smirked  
"Me and Nikki is none of your business" Lorraine annoyed at the fact Christine was mocking her  
"So there is a you and Nikki then" Christine smiled and walked off leaving Lorraine with her cold words. Lorraine rolled her eyes and unfortunately followed Christine into the staff room.  
"Hello all, if you haven't heard already, you're now going to hear it from me" Lorraine announced, then began to speak again.  
"I'm turning Waterloo Road into a fee paying school. I'm throwing money at this place and nothing is coming back in. Before any of you say anything, it's my school, you're either in or you can collect your P45 at the end of the day" her words blunt as usual, the teachers were all taken aback by how serious she was. Lorraine left the room with a sway to her hips.

"So now your girlfriend is ruining kids lives!" Christine hit Nikki with a left hook of words. Nikki didn't want to side with anyone, even if she was behind Lorraine, but she loved the kids and they were the most important thing about Waterloo Road.

Lorraine was walking down the corridor with her folders and accidentally dropped some of them.  
"Hey let me help" a soft and husky voice she recognised said.  
Brooklyn bent down alongside Lorraine and helped with picking up the folders.  
"Really there's no need" Lorraine said  
"I don't mind it's fine" her voice made Lorraine's spine tingle.  
"It's fine!" Lorraine snapped and picked up the remaining folders.  
Both girls now standing in front of each other.  
"Sorry, I was only trying to help" Brooklyn's voice was low and quiet.  
"Jesus what happened to you?" Lorraine had noticed Brooklyn's cheek, which was bruised and scratched.  
"What? Nothing, honestly" Brooklyn ignored Lorraine's kindness.  
Before Lorraine could say anymore, Brooklyn walked away. Lorraine felt a bit of guilt creep up inside of her, the fact she cared about both Nikki and Brooklyn made her feel bad. She carried on her way and stuck out another long day at Waterloo Road.

It was soon the end of the day and Lorraine had asked Nikki back to hers for he night. Brooklyn was standing next to her car and Lorraine thought to go over and see her. Brooklyn looked down, like he was upset, she looked as though she had been crying.  
"Hey tiger, you alright?" Lorraine asked with a hint of laughter.  
"Yeah, yeah in fine" Brooklyn's face looked so pale in the natural lighting.  
"Bik, I can tell when you're lying. I know you" Lorraine's hand now on Brooklyn's shoulder, her eyes wide and sincere.  
"It's just being alone, the house empty. My mum doesn't even want to know" Brooklyn's voice shaky, tears started streaming.  
"Hey, hey come here" Lorraine grabbed Brooklyn and pulled her into her arms. The two hugging each other tightly. Lorraine span her head around, just to make sure no one was around, her hugging a pupil wouldn't look good, especially if Barry Barry was around.  
"Come on, you can come to mine for a bit if like?" Lorraine sincerely asked Brooklyn round, even though she knew Nikki was coming at around 8.  
"I don't want to be a bother Lorraine" Brooklyn holding back the tears.  
"Look, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't mean it" Lorraine's smile really was heart warming, it was one of her best features. Brooklyn nodded, smiled and got into Lorraine's car. The drive silent, neither of them knowing what to really say to the other. The radio was on, it was at just the right volume. Then "I wanna dance with somebody" came on.  
"Aha! Lorraine remember this?!" Brooklyn beamed at the memory that had just came to her.  
"Haha yeah, yeah I do" Lorraine's perfect white teeth gleaming.  
"We used to dance to this! Can you remember when we were cleaning your place and this came on? Your dance moves were awful!" Brooklyn was nearly wetting herself at the thought of Lorraine's cardboard moves.  
"Oi you, I'll have you know, my dancing has improved" Lorraine winked at Brooklyn, her long lashes batted.  
"Oh really, well maybe you should show me sometime" Brooklyn flirted with Lorraine, it being natural.  
Lorraine smiled, then it hit her. Brooklyn was her past, Nikki is who she wanted to spend her future with.


	7. Chapter 7

The two arrived at Lorraine's, entering the front door.  
"Nice place" Brooklyn smiled  
"Thanks, it can be" Lorraine smiled back  
Brooklyn had no idea what Lorraine meant by that, but shrugged it off. Lorraine passed Brooklyn a glass of wine, one surely wouldn't hurt. The two sitting on Lorraine's plush sofa, drinking wine and reminiscing.  
"You remember that time we went to the beach? When we held hands and watched the sunset, wow that doesn't sound cheesy at all haha" Lorraine grabbing a pretzel from the snack bowel she'd brought through.  
"Yeah the only time we could be a proper couple, the times we got away to where no one knew us" Brooklyn looking at Lorraine innocently, but her words reminded Lorraine of the struggle they had been though. One glass of wine turned into many glasses of wine.  
"No more, I'm not allowed to give you drink" Lorraine not even tipsy, but the same couldn't be said for Brooklyn.  
"I'm not a pussy, I can handle my dribk. I shouldn't evben be driwinkin this" Brooklyn slurred her words and laughed.  
"What do you mean? You shouldn't be drinking?" Lorraine's frown in her forehead deep, her voice angry and concerned all at the same time.  
"It's my pills, hahaha. Stupid pwilllss, Fukin gon in the heaad" Brooklyn still laughing at herself.  
"Why what pills, are you ok?" Lorraine firmly asked  
"Dwous it evben matter? No it dobsonet" Brooklyn now trying to down wine from the bottle.  
"Stop, just stop" Lorraine pulled the bottle away from her, dropping a little wine on the floor. It was now half 7 and Nikki was due to be round at 8.

"Brooklyn get up, and drink the fucking coffee" Lorraine having trouble trying to get Brooklyn sober. She needed her sober, so she could take her home and get back in time for Nikki.  
"I don't want coffee, I love you Lo. Like really love you" Brooklyn slurring her words even more now and was becoming even worse to handle. Lorraine couldn't do anything, she had tidied around Brooklyn, she had tried making her sober, but nothing was working, Brooklyn was being stupid; A stupid teenager Lorraine thought. A sudden knock on the door made Lorraine jump. "Shit Brooklyn, why did you do this? I told you Nikki was coming. You never told me you were on meds. You stupid girl!" Lorraine couldn't do anything, but answer the door to a what sounded like a frustrated Nikki.  
She opened the door.  
"Hey Nikki" Lorraine now crying, suddenly in the door way.  
"Hey what's wrong?" Nikki soothed  
Then in the background all you could hear was a young girl shouting party.  
"Who's that?" Nikki pulled away from Lorraine's grip.  
"It's Brooklyn, I let her come round as she looked upset and I give her one glass of wine and she drank more than half the bottle. She then decides to tell me she's on medication and, and..." Nikki could see how distraught Lorraine was, how upset and guilty she looked.  
"Look we will get some coffee down her, get her to bed and then we can chill, yeah?" Nikki seemed so calm and collected  
"She won't even drink the coffee I gave her" Lorraine's tears now dry, but her cheeks sticky.  
"Lorraine, if I can handle Barry Barry, I'm sure I can handle a stupid teenage girl" Nikki said, grabbing Lorraine's arm.  
Lorraine and Nikki both walked into the living room where Brooklyn was now dancing to no music.  
"Hey!" Nikki shouted, she grabbed Brooklyn's arm and brought her to the sink. She ran the tap and shoved Brooklyn's head underneath the stone cold running water. Brooklyn's arms waving around, trying to shout through the water that fell in her mouth. Nikki lifted Brooklyn up again whilst Lorraine watched in horror.  
"What the fvuck! You stupid cow, I could get you dvune" Brooklyn's words still a little slurred, the cold water had stunned her. Brooklyn was soaked, even her top was wet.  
"Look little girl, listen. Lorraine was only trying to be nice, but you took advantage of the situation. You're not her girlfriend anymore" Nikki's words harsh. She still had hold of Brooklyn, her face close to hers, almost touching.  
"Lorraine make some fresh coffee" Nikki looked back at lorraine her tone completely changed, it was warm and soothing.  
Lorraine made fresh coffee, black no sugar, She passed it to Nikki.  
"You drink, you go upstairs and you sleep. Brooklyn you need sleep" Nikki being firm, but reasonable.  
Brooklyn took the coffee, sat on the sofa and started drinking it.

"Thank you so much, she just wouldn't listen to me" Lorraine's hand on Nikki's, stroking the back of it.  
"She knows you, she thought she could get away with it" Nikki's eyes fixed on Brooklyn making sure she drank the whole cup. Nikki and Lorraine stood in the kitchen watching Brooklyn slowly drink the hot liquid. They kept their voice low, so Brooklyn wouldn't hear them. Brooklyn had finished her coffee and turned to Nikki and Lorraine.  
"I'm now gonna go to bed" Brooklyn's words finally not slurring.  
"Go up, it's the last door on the left" Lorraine told Brooklyn where the spare room was, refusing to look Brooklyn in the eyes. Brooklyn got up and left to go upstairs.  
"Wow,I thought you were a handful" Nikki joked, Lorraine laughing.  
"Right I doubt you've eaten, so Chinese? With no wine" Nikki grabbed her phone and called for food.  
"Yes please, no wine!" Lorraine giggled

The Chinese arrived, Lorraine and Nikki sat down together to eat. Nikki turned Lorraine's big TV on, the two women watched re-runs of Birds Of A Feather, both laughing at the comedy. Then a sound came from the front porch, a crashing sound. The two woman jumped, then looked at each other with confused glares.  
"What the fuck was that?!" Nikki whispered  
"How am I supposed to know, all I want to do is finish my Chinese" Lorraine's face serious, half a noodle hanging out of her mouth.  
"Lorraine! We need to go and check it out" Nikki looked scared out of her wits.  
"Ok, ok Miss" Lorraine put her plate down, laughing at the fact she called Nikki Miss. Nikki gave Lorraine the look, the look that put Lorraine in her place, even though she hadn't spoken a word. Lorraine went first, Nikki pushed her to go first, so she really didn't have a choice.  
"You wuss, you handle the PRU kids daily and you're scared of a little bump" Lorraine chuckled. Nikki wasn't impressed, but knew Lorraine was joking.  
"What was that?!" Nikki grabbed hold of Lorraine's arm, squeezing it tightly.  
"Ouch, I'm not completely numb y'know" Lorraine pulled Nikki's hand off of her arm and carried on walking closer to where the noise was coming from.  
The closer they got, the louder the noise was. The two women crept up to the front door.  
"What's that?!" Nikki screeched  
There was a tall dark shadow figure, that could be seen moving in the windows. The front door had two big windows either side, frosted, but you could still make out shadows. Lorraine went to turn the door handle.  
"Lorraine, what if it's a burglar" Nikki's face now white as she gulped on her own saliva.  
"Don't be stupid, it's probably nothing" Lorraine turned the knob and opened the door quickly.  
"Oi!" Lorraine shouted, but the person dressed in all black ran away, neither of the women could make out their face.  
"What the...?" Nikki scratched her head and held onto Lorraine once again.  
"Look, whoever that was they're gone now, so lets just not worry and carry on with our evening. My Chinese is getting cold" it was as if Lorraine was oblivious to what the two had just witnessed. They both returned to the living room, Nikki petrified still.  
"Before we go to bed, I will check to see if anything has gone. They probably thought, big house; nice things" Lorraine sat to carry on eating, the fact someone had been to her house, didn't seem to phase her.

Lorraine checked everywhere, Brooklyn was still asleep and Nikki waited downstairs. It look her a little while to look, as Lorraine had a pretty big house.  
"Nothing has been taken" Lorraine told Nikki.  
"What the hell did they want then?!" Nikki concerned, what would someone be doing at Lorraine's?

It was soon the next day, Lorraine and Nikki had woken up at the usual time. Lorraine had made them both coffee after a nice swim in her pool. The two weren't intimate the night before, just cuddles and kisses. Nikki still had last night on her mind, who would be creeping around outside Lorraine's? The thought still scared her.  
Lorraine passed Nikki her coffee.  
"Hey, what's wrong. You look pale" Lorraine asked  
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. After this cup of coffee, I should be as right as rain" Nikki quavered, her tone filled with uncertainty.  
"I better get Brooklyn up" Lorraine pulled herself up off of the chair that sat in her kitchen and made her way upstairs. Lorraine got to the room where Brooklyn was sleeping, she opened the door, but there was no one there. The room was empty and the bed had been made, it looked as though nobody had been there.  
"Everybody can't wait to get away from me" Lorraine huffed to herself.  
Nikki called up to Lorraine as it was time to leave for Waterloo Road.  
Lorraine got downstairs, Nikki expecting a smile to be on Lorraine's face, but just a sadness danced across.  
"Is she up?" Nikki asked  
"She's not there, she probably decided to leg it instead of facing us" Lorraine moved her body towards the front door, her hands shook for no reason and avoided every chance of eye contact with Nikki. Her nerves twitched in her eyelid, cold sweat appeared on her hands. Lorraine had always suffered with anxiety, but she pushed it aside most of the time; part of the reason she keeps relationships with anyone at bay. The cold sweat stuck to the door handle, then it reminded Lorraine.


	8. Chapter 8

Brooklyn had gotten up, I was dressed and ready to go, but she still sat in her pyjamas at 12:30. I made her a cup of tea, her smile beamed across the room. The beauty her face contained was surreal, how could someone be so beautiful and not know it? Her eyes shone grey in the light, I loved how they changed. Like a chameleon to its background, her eyes to the light; different shades of perfect.  
I walked over and gave her a kiss on the lips, the sweet taste of tea lined them.  
"You ok babe" she asked me, yesterday was shit, but today I felt happy for once.  
"Yes, as long as I have you" I sounded way too cliché. It was completely true though, I'm honest and I only say what I mean. She smiled at me, probably because of what I had just said, the pathetic words that had left my mouth.  
"Come here" Brooklyn pulled me in towards her and kissed me, I felt a hot rush down my spine.  
There was a loud sudden knock on the door, I don't have many friends and my family don't really visit; who the hell is it.  
"Don't answer it" I whispered to Brooklyn as she went towards the door. Then a booming voice cut off my words.  
"It's the police, open up" a man's voice echoed outside the door.  
"Shit, what the fuck!" I tried to keep my voice as low as possible.  
"This is mum, Lo come here" Brooklyn and I crouched down in the corner, keeping as quiet as a mouse. She cupped my face, tears down my face as I knew that I could be in trouble.  
"Look, I will get my stuff together. I have bits here and I will get some money somehow. I will get the train somewhere, a seaside town, somewhere small" her words echoed more than the officers, I knew what she wanted to do, but had to ask again what she meant.  
"Look if I go and the police come here, I won't be here and you won't be in trouble. Trust me." I trusted her, but I didn't want her to leave. I might not see her ever again.  
"No, we can figure this out. I will come with you" what was I saying? I had work and my reputation. I loved the girl though I'd do anything to be with her.  
"Lorraine, stop! It will be ok" she kissed me on the forehead and started to get ready. The police had gone and Brooklyn was soon to be gone. Her bag had been packed, all her things in one back pack she left here once. She hadn't got much, it was really nothing; I was scared.  
"Here" I handed her money I had stored in a pot, that I kept in one of the cupboards.  
"It's in case of an emergency and I have nothing left. Take it" I handed it to her, there was around eight hundred pounds.  
"No, Lorraine" Brooklyn tried giving it back, but I could easily replace that sort of money. Brooklyn was loaded herself, but she couldn't exactly get it.  
"I will try and sneak into mine, mum will be at work. I can get my card and draw it all out, just so they can't trace me" Brooklyn had it all planned out and I had to go along with it, we really didn't have a choice.  
"Ok, but all of the money? You will definitely get mugged" my joke wasn't funny and there was some truth to it. She side eyed me and then rolled them, her hand touched mine.  
"Bye Lo, I love you" her words hurt like a bitch. I couldn't say anything except "I love you too" and then she was gone. I sat with a glass of white and coloured in my sofa with cold tears. I couldn't believe she was gone, all the fighting all we had done to make it work, was now sailing on a broken boat. I left my house to get some fresh air, I needed it. I felt like I'd been cooped up like a chicken for way too long. The air was crisp, one of those rainy days that drew self portraits on the floor. I had a coat on as the air was crisp and chilly. I had a river near mine, so I walked along there, watching the ripples of water crash against the side. I wanted to drift away like the unwanted crisp packets floating along. Pollution is a shit thing, relationships are shit period. I need a doctor and some ace pills; antidepressants. In a way I felt guilty, because I felt relieved. I was relieved that I wouldn't get into trouble, did that make me selfish? I am a selfish sod, nasty at times, sometimes I avoid the mirror completely. It's a good thing Brooklyn got away, got away from me. Stop feeling sorry for yourself Lorraine! I am a pathetic excuse for a human being, this situation is bringing my hidden self hatred out. I wonder where she is? Where she's gone and if she has a warm roof over her head. Too many worries, just concentrate on the river I thought. It was overcast and pretty dark, but it was actually beautiful. My phone was ringing, an unknown number. I put the phone to my ear, my hands like icicles, the phone nearly slipping from my grip.  
"Hello?" I really had no idea who was going to answer on the other end.  
"Lo! It's me" Brooklyn's husky voice replied  
"Hey! How are you, where are you" I wanted to know all.  
"I'm in Norfolk, a seaside town called Yarmouth. It's small, but nice. I am in a BnB at the moment, it's lovely. I'm just glad you're ok. You can come visit me, no one knows me here" her excitement shining through, she seemed happy.  
"Yeah of course" I tried to stay as upbeat as her, fooling people was something I did regularly.  
"Have the police been again?" She asked  
"No, I'm actually out at the moment. Needed air" my voice still light and airy, hopefully she couldn't tell I was dying on the inside.  
"Oh good, hopefully they won't bother you, but at least I'm not there" she seemed happier than normal, like a weight had been lifted.  
"Ok, I better go, on a pay phone" I wanted to hold her, for her to hold me. Why? Why am I saying goodbye twice in one day? I stood alone my phone back in my pocket, dreading the thought of going home. It was raining, my perfect curls straight and dark. I was soaked to the core, the water running off of my cold face. I didn't know where to go, Sonia didn't live that far from me. It's not far to walk, I can't go home and I can't be bothered to drive. That sounded silly, can't be bothered to drive?! Yet I can be bothered to walk all the way. I'm more messed up than I thought, well the fresh air might do me some good. I walked along the river till I came to a slope that attached the mud path, to a concrete path. The walk was nice, the rain hitting the cars and windows, the sounds bouncing around. There wasn't many people around, but I looked a bit of an idiot without an umbrella. The shops I passed were closed, some take away places were open. The street lights started to flicker on, the dark approaching. I was nearly there, still walking with my heels on; I'm stupid. I got to a block of flats, council flats. I offered to pay for something a little more upmarket for Sonia, but she refused. I pay her rent, it's the least I can do. She has a job, a part time job in the city. I miss her, we were close when we were little, then it fizzled out as we grew; the way we grew as people. We are two completely different people, you wouldn't know we were sisters by looking at us. I have a lot of respect for her, even if I never show it. I guess our relationship took its toll when our mum was put in a home, I made sure it was a lovely home, but I never visit. In a way I leave the emotional bits to Sonia, she has a bigger heart.

I arrived at the front door, a lift to floor three and I was there. I was scared, scared to even say hello. I knocked, I have no idea where my confidence came from, but it decide to show.  
The door creaked open, the kind of sound when the door is too heavy to open and it sticks to the frame.  
"Hey" I said quietly  
"Blimey what happened to you!? Did you walk all the way here?" Sonia pulled my wet coat in and along came me with it.  
I nodded, what else could I do. I hadn't spoken since Brooklyn left. There was no one to talk to and I had nothing to say anyway.  
"Here lets get those wet clothes off" she pulled me into her bedroom, making sure I stood and didn't sit. Sonia pulled out a long t shirt, it was quite baggy.  
"I will run you a hot bath" her warm grin softened my tense shoulders.  
The hot bath soothed my aching legs, the cuts hurting still, but they had scabbed over. I ran bubbles over the cuts, to disguise them; they looked disgusting. I emerged from the water, only to realise I had to let Sonia know everything. She had only given me a t shirt, my legs would be on show. She's my sister, surely she would understand.  
I plucked up the courage to leave the bathroom and head to the sitting room where Sonia was.  
"Hey" I stood behind one of the sofas leaning onto the back of it. My legs were hidden behind the sofa, but I wanted to say something before she could ask.  
"Hey, can we talk. There's something I need to tell you"  
"Yeah of course, anything. What's up?" My sister really did have a heart of gold, her face made me feel at ease and I spilled everything.  
"Oh Lo, come ere" her cockney accent shining through.  
We hugged till I couldn't breathe, it was nice to have human contact. We sat and watched TV, ice cream and chocolate at the ready. I needed the sugar rush, I needed to scoff crap. The crap slid down my throat easily, without hesitation.  
"Hey do you wanna watch Miss Congeniality?" Sonia was a fan of those stupid chick flicks, I preferred the dramas and Sci-Fi films. If you were to look at me walking down the street, you wouldn't have guessed I loved Sci-Fi, but I do love an alien or two.  
"Yeah go on then" I smiled, but I can't stand those types of films.  
We had gotten an hour into the film, me still scoffing, when there was a knock at the door.  
"Who the bloody hell, at this time too" Sonia getting up from the sofa to answer the door.  
"It's probably some crack head, wanting to know if you'd like to buy some smack" I laughed at my own joke, but Sonia didn't look impressed.  
"If I thought like that, I'd never answer the door" she got closer to the door  
"Yeah, well, don't say I didn't offer" my offer of a nice home in a nice and safe neighbourhood still stood.  
The door shut and Sonia came back into the living room, but not alone.  
"Lo this police officer wants a chat" those words, my stomach, the lump in my throat.  
"Hello Miss Donnagen, we have come to believe, that you may know the whereabouts of Brooklyn Lerenn" I stared him in the pupils, trying to make out I had nothing to hide. With a warm smile,  
"I honestly couldn't tell you, I haven't heard from her. You can search my house if you'd like?"  
"That won't be necessary, but her mother did say you had a close relationship with her daughter. Some would say a little too close" his tone changed and his eyes widened, I was only guilty of one thing; falling in love.  
"Well it's not what her mother thinks, we are two girls who are upper class and have more in common than Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders. It's merely a close friendship, she felt like she hadn't got anyone to relate to. Her mother is constantly at work and I first met her in a bar, anyone would think a girl in a bar was at least twenty" the last sentence was true, but the rest was total bullshit. I didn't want to ruin myself, so lies were the best thing I had.  
"Ok, that will be all Miss Donnegan. Thank you for your time" he took down my details and that was that, he also gave me a number to call if I saw her. Of course I knew where she was, but it would ruin everything. I thought to myself it was the perfect time for a holiday, somewhere with a beach; maybe Yarmouth.


	9. Chapter 9

The road was long, very long. I had Sonia's singing in my ears for the whole journey, she convinced me to put Grease The Soundtrack on. I regretted it, the moment the first song played.  
"Can you please keep it down" I felt bad, but her singing was awful. If I wanted to listen to her, I would have asked.  
"Alright, who twisted your knickers" Sonia's face screwed up and turned a little red. We had gotten to Yarmouth safe and (too much) sound. I had booked us into the Sunnyside Bed And Breakfast, yes the name was a little too optimistic for me, I know. We arrived in the lobby to get the keys to our room, I had gotten a room to share, I couldn't handle being on my own. Room 6, there weren't many rooms in this place, I wasn't used to such a small building. I liked to stay in five star hotels, but I wanted to stay low key.  
The room was a decent size, two beds with nice bedding. There was a nice smell of vanilla in the room and complimentary chocolates on both the pillows.  
"Oh chockies!" Sonia beamed, she'd had a whole bag of Revels on the way here and still got excited at the sight of chocolate. I couldn't eat anything on the way here, I felt sick to the stomach knowing I was seeing Brooklyn. I was excited and scared someone would find out. I needed food, I could smell fish and chips from our bedroom. The smell wafted in through the open window, Sonia too hot for some odd reason; it wasn't exactly hot weather. I left Sonia in the room telling her I'd get tea in. I left the BnB and walked up towards the chip shop. I was about to go in, when I noticed the beach. I decided to walk over, the sea a dark grey and sand a mustard yellow. The air was fresher down here, it made a change from being in a busy city. I watched the seagulls flying past looking for tit bits people had left behind. I didn't want to keep Sonia any longer, she was probably wondering where I'd gotten to. I got the chips and got back to the BnB.  
"Must have been a right riot in there" that voice popping up as I entered.  
"Yeah, a lot of people. I had to wait for your fish to cook too" excuses, excuses. Even though I had people around me, even having Brooklyn; I still seemed to sit in solitude most of the time.  
"Here. I made sure they put loads of vinegar on" she loved vinegar  
"Thanks sis" I loved Sonia and all of her little ways, although I moaned a lot about them. I needed Brooklyn to at least call me, I had no idea where she was and she doesn't have a phone. The chips were nice, it made a change from always eating healthily, yet I can't remember the last time I ate properly. I have always preferred brown sauce to ketchup, it's tangy and a little spicy. I guess the sauce was a little like me, me and my spiciness. I sat there laughing at what I had just thought, whilst Sonia stared at me with a chip in her hand and mouth wide open.  
"What's so funny?" Thinking I was laughing at her, which wasn't the case.  
"Nothing, I just remembered something" I smiled and scrunched up the paper that had, had my chips in. The bin was small in our room, so our remains filled it.  
"So what are we gonna do tomorrow?" To be honest I had no idea, so had no idea what to say to Sonia. I had told her why we were here and she understood completely. She'd tell me if I was in the wrong, if I didn't agree, but never got in the way of love. That's all Sonia really wanted, was to be loved. She's such a gem, yet all she seemed to bag were bastards and nobody hurts my sis.  
"We should go and explore or something. I've never been here and neither have you. It'd be nice to hang out again" it actually would be really nice to hang out with my sister again. When we were younger, we were attached by the hip.  
"Sounds great sis" her cheeky smile beaming, her dimples made me grin.

I had gotten a shower and was now cleansing my face. I always cleansed it, Clinique was my favourite. It was the only thing that kept me from breaking out. I had even gotten Sonia into it, she swore by it; that's what sisters are for. I had finished and let Sonia at the sink, I didn't know whether I'd sleep, as I liked own bed too much, but anyone would be the same. The bed was actually quite comfortable, Sonia was snoring in the background, loud and irritating. I was drifting off when my phone rang, I answered and guess who, Brooklyn; God must have heard me.  
"Hey, are you ok to talk?" Her voice didn't sound like usual, it was like the life had been drained out of her.  
"Yeah it's fine, what's wrong. Bik?" I had now perched myself up and was sitting. Trying not to wake Sonia, I got out of bed and sat on the toilet.  
"Nothing is, I miss you" she was lying, I knew when she was lying.  
"No, what's wrong?" I was now firm with my tone, I didn't want any secrets between us.  
"It's; I nee to see you. I'd rather tell you in person" the sound in the background was nearly cutting off the sound of her voice.  
"Yeah, anything. You want to meet at the beach?" I hadn't even told her I was in the same town as her, I hadn't even gotten a chance. Things would be easier if she had a phone.  
"Beach? What?" I heard change clang as she hung on to the phone hoping it wouldn't hang up.  
"I'm here Bik, in Yarmouth. I couldn't tell you though. I just took a chance and came here" I was starting to get excited at the fact I'd get to see her again.  
"You're kidding right? I'm near yours. Your fucking house Lo, what the?!" My face dropped, I felt as though someone had hit me with a sledge hammer, twice.  
"What?! You're telling me I came all this way, for nothing!" I started to weep, tears filling my eyes. Shake it off you wet flower!  
"I knew it, nothing goes right. Everything I touch turns to shit, so why fucking bother" I couldn't have been more angry at myself if I tried.  
"I was missing you too much, yeah it's only been a week, but I couldn't stay there. The place was a dive and I knew no one" I wish I could hold her, my anger turned to sadness. In the pit of my stomach I could feel a darkness, a hole. I was missing too many pieces to actually be able to think straight.  
"Ok, so I will come back. It's not like I've just paid for a weeks stay in this place" I saw red, I was angry again. I couldn't help it, it's the way I am.  
"Fine Lo, if that's what I am, a disappointment" before I could say anything else, she hung up and I threw my phone across the room. Screaming into the pillow doesn't do shit, maybe drowning myself in the bath would make me feel a little less. I had enough of this stupid thing, that was supposedly called a fucking relationship.

I woke Sonia up and explained what had happened, we hadn't even had a night in this place and I was already wanting to go. I couldn't leave it till tomorrow, tomorrow I would change my mind and not want to leave here. I wouldn't want to face the misery of home. We were in the car, Sonia had fallen asleep and I was listening to sad music to cry to. The road blurry as my tears hit my bare legs. I needed to keep focus, I didn't want to end up killing Sonia in the process of being upset. I pulled all the loose strings together and tied them. I sat up straight, put some Gaga on and sang along. It was now my turn to sound bad all the way through this journey. It was more than a two hour drive from Yarmouth to London. I was wide awake, the thoughts of Brooklyn keeping me up. It was a good and bad thing; me being able to keep up, but the reason for it, being her. I pulled up at Sonia's, I didn't want to go home. It's the obvious place of where I'd be. It was early hours in the morning when we got back, I put Sonia to bed, yes I made sure she got tucked in too. I made a coffee, the strong kind that hit the nostrils from 50 yards away. I sat and watched the hands of the clock move to the rhythm of the second hand. It was calming, soothing and made me concentrate on something other than the shit.

The rain was hitting the widows hard, I woke to another rainy day. It was 9am, I hadn't had a lot of sleep, I didn't feel tired which was surprising considering the circumstances. Sonia was gone, I had no idea where to. I also didn't even know what day it was, I'd lost track. I think it's Monday, I'm really not sure. I wasn't in work, my short holiday turned into sick leave. It was partly true, I did suffer with depression and anxiety, yet I ignored the doctors advice of taking medication. I couldn't care less about my mental welfare, I knew I needed them; I didn't want them. I was still dressed in my clothes from the night before. I had pyjamas on, but changed when we left the BnB. I smelt rough, not exactly lady like. I need to run myself a bath, why is it, I seem to have a lot of baths. I probably had nothing else to do with my time, so a soak in the bath would kill some time. My phone rang, an unknown number; Brooklyn. I answered.  
"Hey, I'm sorry about the other night" why was she apologising to me? I was the one who was out of order and angry towards her.  
"No, don't say sorry. Where are you?" I still sounded stern even though I didn't mean to.  
"I'm at mine, I just went home"  
I couldn't believe what she was telling me, my blood boiled as we'd gone through all this shit for nothing. Her mother would never let her out of the house again.  
"So that's the end of us then" I was pissed and I wasn't going to let her mess with my already fucked up head.  
"Lo. It's not the end for fuck sake. We can still see each other"  
"Oh yeah, when your mum had the police out after me. What you think she's gonna let you see me, or even let you leave the house?" She must think that her mum is a complete idiot, she sounded like an idiot. I was fed up with all the shit she was giving me, I was only thinking about me.  
"Just ring me when you're free" I didn't know what else to say, I couldn't say anything else.  
"Yeah, ok, well this is my new number"  
Ugh her mum had even bought her a new phone, Brooklyn had probably told her mum she hated my guts and I was a waste of space. I couldn't give a shit, I'm going to go for a nice long walk to nowhere. Walks were the only thing I had to do, my friends would all be at work. I felt as if I had no life; I didn't, come to think of it.

Lorraine's flash back had finished, the sweat nearly dripping off of her palm. The door handle was wet, but Nikki didn't seem to notice.  
"Well come on then, what are you waiting for" Nikki's voice interrupted Lorraine's thoughts.  
Lorraine opened the door without responding to Nikki and left towards her car. The two women took their own cars into work, it was as if they'd be taking separate paths, yet they'd end up in the same destination; like they were separating themselves from each other. The engine was loud, Lorraine pulled into the road before Nikki and sped off. Lorraine left Nikki quite stunned, Nikki knew something was niggling at Lorraine's brain. Nikki didn't know whether to ask Lorraine what was up, because normally Lorraine would say she's fine even when she's not. They both arrived at Waterloo Road just minutes apart, it wasn't obvious they had spent the night together. Lorraine got out of her car and Nikki did the same.  
"Well lets hope today will bring happiness and sunshine" Nikki beamed, jokingly.  
"You're kidding right? This place brings dread and anger, there's nothing peaceful about it" Lorraine walked off leaving Nikki standing alone. Something was up with Lorraine, she was always as blunt as a knife from the cutlery pack, but something wasn't right. Her face seemed cold and distant, like she was hiding something. Nikki was at a loss, she didn't like seeing Lorraine like this and knew Lorraine was a hard shell to crack.  
Nikki looked across the car park and saw Brooklyn. She walked over to ask her why she'd left Lorraine's.  
"Hello stranger, why didn't you greet us with your presence this morning. You disappeared on us" Nikki was a caring person, even if Brooklyn was a handful the night before. Nikki was the type of woman who would support anyone whatever their problem, she really did care about the pupils of Waterloo Road.  
"Sorry. Didn't think you two would want me there" Brooklyn stared and the ground, both hands holding each other. The girl looked terrified, her eyes looked tearful.  
"Brooklyn are you ok? Anytime you need a chat, I'm here" A soothing voice left Nikki's mouth.  
"Look I'm fine, I'm just sorry I got in your way last night" Brooklyn left Nikki standing alone, just like Lorraine had.  
Nikki wanted to get behind those eyes and see Brooklyn's soul, it was obviously a broken one. Sometimes the best thing anyone can do, is talk to another human. Nikki left it, she only wanted to know what Brooklyn meant by pills, as Lorraine had told her Brooklyn was on medication.

Lorraine entered her office, the smell of sweet coffee filled the air, it's a wonder the smell didn't reach the whole school out through the vents, it was that pungent. Lorraine enjoyed the smell, it calmed her nerves and soothed her mind. She sat in her chair only to have Tom walk in.  
"Oh hey Lorraine. You ok? You look a bit peaky" Tom was a lovely fellow, he was caring like Nikki, probably why they got on so well; minds alike.  
"Yeah I'm fine thanks Tom. How was your night?" Lorraine put on a brave face, fooling the world.  
"It was good thanks, I made a meal for four"  
"Oooh look at you, you'll have to make me something some time" Lorraine inviting herself to a home cooked meal, Tom didn't have a choice, but to agree.  
"Of course" Tom laughed  
"Well I better get off to teach my lot" Tom left the room and Lorraine was alone, it gave her a chance to catchup on the heavy work load she had. She had a meeting coming up in London, but right now she had papers to go through, projects to overlook.  
Lunch time had come around and the teachers had crowded themselves in the staff room. Lorraine walking down the halls to find Nikki to ask her to lunch. She finally found Nikki who had been looking for Lorraine. Nikki looked like she'd been running around for about twenty minutes straight.  
"Have you seen this?!" Nikki passed a piece of paper to Lorraine.  
"Shit!" Lorraine burst out.  
The paper had a picture of Nikki and Lorraine kissing. Lorraine had a picture of them in one of her draws, she didn't display it, it was one she had taken on her iPhone and printed. It was from a time they had spent together out with both of their friends. Lorraine had a few in her draw. The paper had written on it 'the secret life of a teacher called dyke'  
"That little bitch!" Lorraine screamed down the hall way.  
"What? It's not her Lorraine. It's probably whoever we saw leaving your property last night" Nikki being the voice of reason.  
"What? You think we wouldn't have heard whoever that was creeping around?! We caught them before they came in! That's why she left early, to print these out" Lorraine's furious lines etched in her skin.  
"Lorraine how could she have gotten the picture if we were in your bedroom?" Nikki really didn't believe it was Brooklyn, if it was anyone it was the behaviour of Barry Barry.  
"Whoever got this picture, obviously went in before we were even in bed. Don't you have a brain?" Lorraine was now taking it out on Nikki who was just as upset about the picture as Lorraine.  
"Fine, sort this shit out on your own. It's not me who's ashamed to be gay. Yeah Lorraine I said it, we're both gay aren't we? You're only bothered about your reputation, I'm bothered about catching whoever done this. You need to get your priorities straight" Nikki didn't bother to claim the paper back as there were more from where the paper came from. The halls near the entrance were covered, whoever it was, wasn't alone. How could one person stick more than 100 posters around, without getting caught?  
Lorraine stormed, heels clicking vigorously, the sound echoed. She found Brooklyn, her face scared the kids talking to Brooklyn, so they scattered.  
"You!" Lorraine grabbed Brooklyn tightly around the arm, pulling her to one side where there weren't any witnesses to see what she was about to do.  
"What, Lorraine you're hurting me!" Brooklyn's face white with fear.  
"Good! I don't care, I know it was you Brooklyn. Cut the innocent and lost child crap!" Lorraine shoved the piece of paper hard into Brooklyn's chest.  
Brooklyn looked down at the picture of Nikki and Lorraine sharing an intimate moment.  
"So you got it then. I honestly think it's a nice picture of you two" Brooklyn smirked, she was the one behind all of it.  
Lorraine sniggered and suddenly smacked Brooklyn. The slap boomed across, Brooklyn shocked whilst holding her burning face.  
"I can get you done y'know" Lorraine had never seen Brooklyn like this, it was as if she had a completely different personality.  
"Oh yeah? I'm not even your teacher, I keep this school running. You think they're going to believe you? Even if they did, what would they rather have.. An up and running school or a closed one?" Lorraine smiling, because she knew that she was right. Lorraine also had the money to bail herself out of murder if she wanted to.  
"Look, I get it. You wanted to get back at me for being with Nikki, but seriously Brooklyn this is low, even for you" Brooklyn looked down, Lorraine yet again being exactly right about everything.  
"Don't think I won't be telling Michael about this, because believe me, I will have you cleaning graffiti off of the loos for a month. Listen to me, you're going to spend tonightwith Nikki and you're going to tell her who it was outside mine last night. Do you think I'm stupid?! I'm far from it. I know you weren't alone in this, you're also going to tell her about your medication, even though that's probably a stupid lie just to get my attention" Lorraine's voice calm with anger lining it.  
Brooklyn stood there watching Lorraine make her way to the staff room, she was going to have to explain herself to everyone. The teachers must be laughing at her, at the fact her relationship was now out to everyone at school, the fact she was in love with a woman.  
She entered, everyone went silent as soon as she did.  
"Oh please, don't stop on my account" Lorraine didn't want her fear showing, so the best thing to do was act as if she was confident.  
"So it is true then. You and Nikki are the hot new couple. To think you slated me for my relationship with Michael and now look at you; a hypocrite" Christine's Scottish accent bugging Lorraine to the bone, but she was right.  
"Well I think it's marvellous, after all love is love" Audrey the sweet innocent lady who wouldn't kill a fly, spoke up.  
"Thank you Audrey" Lorraine smiled  
Nikki was in the room too, but it wasn't Nikki who felt the consequences of having an 'out' relationship. It was probably due to the fact nobody really liked Lorraine. Lorraine wasn't the type to get on with people, she was the type to get on with it. No one could get close, she even held some of her friends at arms length, you'd have to be pretty special to get under her stone thick layers.  
"Look everyone I want a word" Lorraine breathed in and let out  
"Me and Nikki are in a relationship, as you've probably guessed already, or seen. This won't cloud my professional judgement in any way and when I'm here at work, it is purely a professional relationship that me and Nikki have. I wouldn't expect you all to understand me being.." Lorraine trailed off and paused for a moment, then carried on  
"Me being gay, but it's who I am and I'm happy with Nikki. I'm happy at being with a woman, even though my personal life has nothing to do with any of you, but I needed to set things straight and explain this awkward situation" Lorraine stopped and Tom butted in  
"It's not us you have to worry about. You do know, some students are going to give you both a hard time"  
"Well then we should have an assembly on equality, that this school doesn't tolerate discrimination" Lorraine beamed with fake excitement.  
"Well it's up to you, but wouldn't you be fuelling the fire?" Tom looked confused as to why an assembly was the best thing.  
"No, I think it wouldn't give the pupils a chance to act out. Act out with homophobic comments or actions. As there has to be at least one gay pupil in this school, look at Josh for instance" Lorraine hit a small nerve with Tom and he didn't say anymore. Lorraine looked over at Nikki expecting Nikki to back her up, but Nikki sat in silence.  
"So Lorraine, isn't Nikki a bit out of your league. Well I mean isn't she the total opposite to you?" Christine piped up again  
"As in?" Lorraine replied  
"As in, she's not a total stuck up, money grabbing bitch" everyone was taken aback with Christine's words.  
"Excuse me? She pays your wage doesn't she? If that's money grabbing, then I'm a Teletubby. A bitch? i believe it's called, being strong, most women confuse the two. Maybe instead of attacking Lorraine like a 'bitch', you should look up how to be a business woman in the local library and become your own boss, because that's what she is isn't she? Your boss" Nikki hit with a great comeback, whilst Christine looked defeated.  
Lorraine looked over at Nikki and smiled widely, the fact Nikki stood in Lorraine's corner made Lorraine feel warm.  
Lorraine had announced the news of her and Nikki being serious, because she had to. No one could avoid 100 posters on the walls, the anger had dropped from her shoulders and she felt relieved. A weight had been lifted, knowing Nikki and her could be themselves and not have to hide was something she found to be a great asset.

Lorraine walked over to the kitchen in the staff room, making tea for everyone seemed the least she could do, she even made Christine one. Nikki came over to where Lorraine was, waiting for the kettle to boil.  
"Hey you were great up there" Nikki smiled at Lorraine  
"Well it's a case of I had to be, if I had of freaked, who knows what could have happened. Christine would have had my head on a platter. Thank you by the way, your come back was better than the Spicegirls and was more entertaining" Lorraine smirked knowing what she had just said was an intelligent comparison.  
"No matter what, I have your back. Remember that. So did you find out if it 'wasn't' Brooklyn" Nikki laughed thinking she knew all too well.  
"Actually about that, it was her. She wasn't alone I'm sure of it. She admitted she had done it to get back at me for being with you, I also told her she would spend tonight with you"  
"Tonight with me?!" Nikki shocked  
"I said you'd be able to crack the information out of her and she wouldn't leave until she's revealed all" Lorraine stirring and talking at the same time.  
"Here" Lorraine passed Nikki a strong tea, she made Nikki's first; Nikki now came first before anything.  
"So you've just told her she's spending the night with a hard nut army gal, so she better speak up, otherwise I might take a gun to her head" Nikki laughing whilst the teachers stared at her and Lorraine sharing a comedic moment.  
"Well when you put it like that, she'd better speak up" Lorraine smiled, her dimples showing on only one side of her face. Nikki loved that, Lorraine's dimples when she spoke and smiled; beauty.  
"Well I won't go easy on her, trust me. I honestly thought she was just a little depressed and lonely, more fool me" Nikki picked up her tea and sat down again, her seat now cold. Lorraine watched Nikki walk over, her body was amazing Lorraine thought. The toned, tall and slender woman really hit all the right buttons.  
Lorraine looked away and made the rest if the teachers drinks, there was a list on the wall of what people preferred and how they liked it. Audrey had soya instead of semi-skimmed, Tom had three sugars and Christine was plain and simple with nothing but coffee and hot water. Lorraine left the drinks on the kitchen side for people to get, they each had a certain mug they always used. She liked Nikki's the best, of course she did, it's the only one she took note of.  
Lorraine then left the staff room to go and see how Sonia was sitting at her secretary desk.  
"Hey Son, any news?"  
"No, not really" Sonia sinking into her chair a little.  
"What does not really mean" Lorraine concerned.  
"Well. Some of the kids have told their mums about you and Miss Boston. A lot of them want to see you and Mrs Barry is going nuts at me, she's called nearly ten times" the news wasn't good, Lorraine expected this kind of reaction, but didn't think it was going to affect the parents as much.  
"Ok, well tell her I'm free if she wants to come in and talk to me in person" Lorraine didn't want to deal with the problem, but she had to do something. Mrs Barry wasn't someone you wanted to cross, but Lorraine being Lorraine thought she could take on the world.


	10. Chapter 10

It was 2pm and Lorraine sat silently in Michael's office, well she used Tom's and Nikki's which she also called her own. She had put in another desk and chair in Michael's office which was now hers too, she thought she could do what she pleased, knowing she owned the school. She waited for Sonia to bring the misery in. Mrs Barry finally arrived and was now sat in front of Lorraine. Her frowns could have held things, they were that deep. Lorraine tried hard to stay serious in the situation she had been forced to face.  
"Well?" Lorraine started  
"Well? Well, I don't like to receive a phone call telling me my son is being taught by a lesbian and the benefactor is dating her"  
"Mrs Barry, the sexual orientation of a teacher is not going to affect how a pupil learns" Lorraine said firmly  
"Excuse me, but these so called teachers have an influence over children. I don't like what you are Miss Donnegan" Mrs Barry was the type who pushed everyone around, she pushed her own kids around.  
"Well I'm sorry Mrs Barry, but there really isn't anything you can do; you can't exactly sue me for dating a woman. It would be ridiculous, a waste of money and my time" Lorraine had a perfectly good point, she had the upper hand.  
"I might not be able to sue you, but I know a few reporters, who would be all over this like flies on shit" Mrs Barry's smile lined to the side. The colour in Lorraine's face had drained to a shade of grey and her eyes stared into nothing.  
"I'd like it if you left Mrs Barry. If you don't like the way we run this school, then you can always pull your children out, but don't think other schools would touch them; they wouldn't, even with a barge pole" Lorraine got up, left the room and left Mrs Barry alone in her office.  
"Sonia, deal with her. I've got bigger things to worry about"  
"What?!" Sonia didn't want to go near Mrs Barry, she was scared to even look her in the eye.  
"You heard me" Lorraine blurted and left the room, she wanted to find Nikki. She needed someone, anyone to confide in, but Nikki was teaching. Lorraine decided it was a good idea to go for a coffee with one of her friends, who had just moved up to Scotland.

It was 2:40 pm and Lorraine was sat in a little coffee shop called The Yarn. It was quaint, but decorated suitably for it's size. It was 25 minutes till Waterloo Road's day would have ended, all Lorraine could think about was Nikki and them cuddling.  
"Hey!" Lorraine beamed, her friend had just arrived. His name was Mark and he was into the whole vintage vibe.  
"Hey, how are you?" Mark was one of the nicest blokes Lorraine knew, she'd known him from school. They used to get into trouble together, go behind the bike sheds to smoke.  
"Doing good thank you, what about you? I can't believe you're a daddy now" Lorraine's school friend becoming a dad was a little weird to her, she remembers the late nights getting trollied with him.  
"Yeah I'm good Lo, been getting the room ready for the little one. This end of the world is perfect for a child, I'm glad I found out about it through you" Mark had the most piercing eyes Lorraine had seen on a man, no wonder he had a wife and a kid on the way; attractive man.  
"I'm just glad you're doing great, how is Laura? I nearly forgot to ask!" Lorraine smiling  
"Oh she's great, feeling the strain haha. So you got any special woman or women in your life at the moment?" Mark laughed at the fact he was making out Lorraine was a hussy.  
"Just the one Mark, you're terrible!"  
"Any pics then?" Mark insisted.  
Lorraine took out her phone to show Mark one of the decent pictures she had of Nikki and her.  
"Oh you go gurl. No, honestly, Lorraine she's stunning" Mark was surprised Lorraine had found someone to her standards, she normally went for the loser type. Mark had been through the rough times with Lorraine, they'd lost contact for a few years, but soon reconnected. He had seen the guys come and go, the one night stands. He sussed Lorraine was gay when they were both 16, the way she pined over Mrs Langly and always acted extra good for her (which made it obvious, as lorraine was the 'bad girl' in school) Mark was one of the few people who knew who Lorraine really was, he was her best friend. He hadn't been there when her and Brooklyn were together, but had always been there for Lorraine.  
They sat for hours catching up on the good and bad times, time flew by and it was 4 pm.  
"Well I better get back to the misses, she'll be wondering where I've gotten to. Told her I was going for a 'quick' coffee. It was really nice seeing you again Lo, keep me posted with Nikki. Sexy Nikki" Mark winked  
"Haha, will do. Take care Jiffy, we will have to do this again sometime. Maybe next time I'll bring sexy Nikki" Lorraine couldn't keep a straight face at what she'd just said.  
"Well I will text or give you a bell. Maybe we could arrange dinner together, the four of us" Mark eager to meet Nikki.  
"You mean the five of us" Lorraine laughed, it was true, Mark now had an extra limb. Mark laughed, they hugged and he left. Lorraine felt happy after seeing an old mate, it was always nice to see Mark and find out how he's doing. Lorraine left a hefty tip on the table, her good mood was rubbing off onto her actions.

"Hey can we leave tonight for another day?" Nikki asked, she didn't want to see Brooklyn after she'd finished up at Waterloo Road, today had been stressful enough. All Nikki wanted was a quiet night in with Lorraine.  
"Sure, of course. To be honest, I'd rather have a night in with just the two of us" Lorraine was also feeling in the 'quiet night in' mood.  
"Ugh sounds perfect, I can't wait to lay on the sofa with you and snuggle" Nikki pulling a face at the fact she had just said snuggle to Lorraine. She was now in front of Lorraine wrapping her arms around Lorraine's waist. Nikki kissed Lorraine, Lorraine taking in a deep breath as it caught her off guard. Eyes closed, soft touch, butterflies.  
Lorraine pulled away from the kiss and looked Nikki dead in the eye, Lorraine's hands lifted to Nikki's face. Lorraine thumb was softly stroking Nikki's cheek, the two women taking in a beautiful moment.  
"Hey, you do know nobody's here" Nikki pulled Lorraine's arms down from her face and onto her shoulders. Nikki gave Lorraine the look, the look that said she wanted Lorraine then and there. Lorraine and her were in Lorraine's office, Michael and everyone had gone home, Lorraine offered to lock up.  
"What are you saying exactly, Miss Boston" Lorraine being cheeky and seductive.  
"Well, maybe I should show you?" Nikki didn't need to ask that question, she knew Lorraine wanted it too.  
Nikki's hands rolled down Lorraine's back, Lorraine sitting slightly on her desk. Her hands made their way to Lorraine's shirt, unbuttoning it. Lorraine always wore sexy lingerie, a white laced bra was now staring Nikki in the face.  
"You're incredibly beautiful" Nikki whispered, kissing Lorraine's neck.  
Lorraine laughed barely audible, tingling. Nikki's lips left Lorraine's neck and landed on Lorraine's chest, kisses making their way towards Lorraine's breasts. Nikki's hands glided down Lorraine's back, now fiddling with the zip on Lorraine's pencil skirt. The sound of it undoing made Lorraine's heart beat faster. The skirt fell to the floor with a little help from Nikki. Knickers to match Lorraine's bra, her hour glass figure fitted perfectly into them. Nikki's jacket was off, to the floor it fell and Lorraine was eager to get Nikki's top off. The two were both down to their underwear, kissing passionately, Lorraine sitting on her desk, whilst Nikki stood in-between her legs. Lorraine's bra was off, Nikki's off too, both in just their knickers.  
Nikki started to rub on the outside of Lorraine's knickers, still kissing one another.  
"Fu.." Lorraine getting hot under the skin, she had hold of Nikki's breasts. The firmer Nikki pushed, the harder Lorraine squeezed.  
"You know you always look sexy behind that desk, but seeing you on it" Nikki trailed off, her breath was heavy. Lorraine moaned at the words Nikki had just spoke. Nikki kissed all the way down Lorraine's front, past her belly button, slowly sliding Lorraine's underwear off. Nikki knelt on the floor, the fact she was in charge turned her on. She grabbed hold of Lorraine's legs, nails digging in and opened them wider. Lorraine's long curls nearly hitting the desk as she tilted her head back.  
"Uh fuck, fu.. Nik.. Shit" Lorraine's nails scratching at the wooden desk, one of her legs rested on Nikki's shoulders. Nikki looked up and smiled, seeing Lorraine being pleasured was something not a lot of people got to see; she was honoured. Lorraine pulled Nikki up, their faces meeting, the way Lorraine kissed Nikki made Nikki wet, the kind of kisses that made her legs wobbly.  
"Fuck you know what you're doing" Lorraine had never experienced this kind of sex, this kind of sex felt different. Nikki laughed and kissed Lorraine their tongues touching. Nikki hadn't finished with Lorraine, Lorraine put her leg between Nikki's, still sitting  
on the desk. One of Nikki's legs was in-between Lorraine's, their legs intertwined. Nikki started pushing her knee into Lorraine, Lorraine grinded softly on Nikki's leg. Her arms were wrapped around Nikki's neck, the two's skin delicately touching. Lorraine came and it was Nikki's turn on the table, Lorraine chuckled as they switched places. Lorraine's fingers got close to Nikki's G-spot and Nikki let out a sigh. Lorraine's fingers curled inside Nikki, Nikki's toes curling.  
"Lorraine" Nikki managed to say in-between the moans. The papers Lorraine had on the desk were scattered all over the floor, Nikki's hands clenching the left over pieces that were still sitting on the desk.  
"Be careful, they took me hours" Lorraine's breath just as heavy as Nikki's, a light hint of humour left the tip of her tongue.  
Nikki smiled, but not for too long, Lorraine had just hit the right spot. The moaning got louder, Nikki's nails now in Lorraine's back, she would surely be left with claw marks. Nikki's lips touched Lorraine's neck as she cradled Lorraine, her saliva stuck to Lorraine; a thin layer of DNA.  
"I'm.. I'm, Lorraine" Nikki's was now consuming Lorraine in her arms, they looked each other in the eyes and it was over. Nikki catching her breath whilst kissing Lorraine, they both smiled at the fact Nikki was pretty loud when it came to sex. It was lucky no one was there, the two would have been caught straight away. Trying to get dressed, Lorraine kept stopping Nikki with kisses. Lorraine pulled her long locks out of her shirt, they always got caught. Nikki didn't bother putting her blazer on, she was too hot anyway. Nikki pushed back her hair at both sides, it was a little greasy at the roots with sweat. Lorraine's face had a thin layer too, the sticky kind. It was humid in the office, the two couldn't wait to get some air outside.  
"Lets go, I have a nice bottle of champagne at home" Lorraine grabbed Nikki's hand and held it.  
"Why don't you come back to mine for a change?" Nikki looked at the floor, scared to ask.  
"Sure, it'd be nice to have a change of scenery" Lorraine smiled, she was quite relived Nikki had asked her. The thought of being in her big house didn't sit well for some reason. Nikki's place felt warmer, she could imagine living there.

They pulled up outside Nikki's, Lorraine didn't bother taking her car. They got in and the first thing Lorraine done was get a bath. Nikki got in with her, bubbles running over their body. Nikki sat between Lorraine's legs, her back facing Lorraine. Lorraine thought it would be a great idea to play a game. She put shower gel all over Nikki's back, lathered it and told Nikki to guess what she was drawing.  
"You can be so childish sometimes" Nikki joked.  
"Oi you, just guess"  
"An elephant?" Nikki was shit at this game Lorraine thought.  
"An elephant?! Really?!" Lorraine gave up and just ended up tickling Nikki's back.  
"That feels nice" Nikki drifting off  
"Not as nice as the feeling you got in the office" Lorraine could be sexy at times, even sometimes without meaning to.  
"God I love you" Nikki said those three words, regretted it a little after.  
"I love you too Nikki. I've never felt like this, I feel human" Lorraine's response, was different from what Nikki thought it would be. Nikki looked over her shoulder and the look she gave Lorraine, made Lorraine feel like she could see herself marrying this girl.

"Hey what do you think about me getting a dog?" Nikki and Lorraine were relaxing on the sofa, when Nikki randomly said.  
"A dog? What kind?" Lorraine got excited.  
"Yes, you know, the things that bark and have four legs" Nikki joked  
"Only a small one, like a Bichon Frisé" Lorraine saw Nikki as more of a cat person, but she couldn't have been more wrong.  
"I've always loved dogs, I used to have one when I was growing up. His name was Barney" Lorraine laughed at what Nikki had called her old dog, but Nikki swore it wasn't her who named it; the parents.  
"I think it's a great idea, you could bring it into Waterloo Road, sure the kids would love it" Lorraine wondered why Nikki asked her as if she wanted her permission, Nikki could do whatever she wanted; she was an adult.  
"You want to come and choose one with me?" Nikki wanted to share an important event in her life with Lorraine, even if it was only looking for a dog.  
"Yeah of course, you want to look this weekend?" Lorraine was excited on the inside, she was keeping her cool.  
"Sounds great, hey you can even help me name it!" Nikki let her excitement show, she spoke as though she was a 15 year old again.  
"Hahaha, as long as it's nothing like Barney" Lorraine winked and laughed.  
It was as if they were getting the dog for the both of them, Lorraine liked the idea, it made them seem more official.  
"Hey I'm off to bed, we have another earlymorning tomorrow. At least it's Friday though" Nikki really did look knackered, but Lorraine didn't want to sit alone, so she followed Nikki up to bed.

Lorraine woke to Nikki staring at her, it was a little creepy, but at least she came with a cup of tea.  
"Thank you, you're a life saver" Lorraine naked, sitting up.  
"It's only a cup of tea, didn't think you were so easy to please" Nikki liked being both serious and cheeky with Lorraine, Lorraine's face was a picture.  
Lorraine laughed and took a sip of the tea, Nikki snuck a quick kiss on Lorraine's sweet tasting lips. Lorraine pulled Nikki in more, then remembered she had a piping hot cup of tea in her hand, she laid it down on side table. Nikki fell on top of Lorraine, she was already dressed and ready.  
"We haven't got time" Nikki said  
"We make time" Lorraine pulled Nikki on her and wrapped her legs around Nikki's waist, just so she couldn't get away. Mixing pleasure and work was something Lorraine quite enjoyed.

I watched her walk in, she was gorgeous, none of the other pupils like her; I did. I didn't tell anyone, nobody knew, I didn't even know what I was myself.  
"Mark!" He finally arrived, I was beginning to get irritated sitting alone.  
"Lo, Lo. How's it going" Mark was my best friend, we met here in school and clicked instantly. I didn't know whether I should tell him, tell him about my unusual feelings. These feelings had started at 13, but I thought they were normal. It was only when I turned 15, that I heard some of the girls picking on Lesley for being gay; supposedly. Was I gay? I had no idea, but I think I love Mrs Langley. Love, what is love? I had a boyfriend, his name was Steven Willard. He was the most popular boy in school and I was the worst.. When it came to my behaviour. He liked that, he used to come and ask me for cigarettes and one day asked me out. We had our first kiss whilst at the cinema, we went to see Tiranic. The film had just come out and was a big box office hit, Steven thought it was a romantic film, until he saw the ending. I cried, he laughed at me, guys really didn't get women sometimes. It was 1998, my birthday was soon, well when I say soon, I meant a couple of months. I was bornon the 16th of March and I'm a Pisces. It was January, cold and dreary, at least I had an excuse to wear big baggy hoodies. I wanted school to be over, the more I came here, the more I just wanted out. I had a reputation, a bad one, although I did promise Mr Byrne I'd try harder. I was even considering night classes, which was out of character for me. He was probably the only teacher who actually believed in me. Even Mrs Langly was a harsh bitch at times, but somehow it made me like her even more.

I sat in the back with Mark, we used to pass messages to each other whilst we were being taught. It was a way to pass the time and it was soon break. I loved break, it was nice to get outside. I needed a fag so badly, being cooped up like chickens took it's toll on my brain.  
"Here have one" I passed Mark a fag and we sat behind the bike sheds. We spoke for ages about Mrs Langly, which was fine by me. Steven all of a sudden popped up behind me, and squeezed my boobs.  
"Hey quit it" I hated it, us being together made my skin crawl. Kissing him made me feel sick, it was nasty to think like that, but he really wasn't my type. I tried to ignore the fact, that I could be gay, but I knew it deep down... Somewhere miles down. I'm still a virgin, but Steven wants us to take the next step. I don't want to, at night, alone in bed, I imagine kissing girls and other stuff. I liked brunettes more, the way their hazel strands glowed in the sunlight. I got shivers thinking about sexy brunettes, then reality hit me, I was back with Steven's arms around me.  
"Hey Steve, leave it yeah" Mark piped up and defended me, he could probably tell by the look on my face.  
"Alright blimey, I came for a fag" that's all Steve wanted at break, was a fondle and a fag. He got his cigarette and left me and Mark to carry on with our conversation.  
"I don't know why you put up with his shit, he doesn't know that you're actually worth something Lorraine. I can see you being the one who gets out of this shit hole" his words repeating in my head. I want to make something of myself, I really do. With Marks words in my head, I made my way to the teachers staff room. I needed to see Mr Byrne, I wanted to take up his offer of night classes. I wanted to get out, better myself, no more messing. I needed I see him as soon as and was even running down the halls.  
"Lorraine Donnegan, walk!" A stern voice came from behind me, it was Mr Bingham, he was a tight arse. I walked fast to the staff room and found Mr Byrne there.  
"Hello Lorraine and what brings us the joy of your presence?" Mr Byrne smiling  
"I wanted to talk to you" I wanted to make myself a good reputation.  
"Sure" we walked to the side and I began.  
"Mr Byrne I need to take those night classes, I need to do something with my life" my words serious and I meant every last one of them.  
"Sure Lorraine, but what brought this on?" He sounded surprised I wanted to take up his offer.  
"I want to get good grades and better myself, I want a better life for myself" I nearly had tears in my eyes, I hated home life, that's why I acted up at school. I had Sonia, she was also my best friend as well as my sister. My mum didn't really want to know, she was always trying to find herself a new man, or would spend her nights at the pub. Dad left us, he didn't run, he died when I was 10, I'd never really mourned it. I was young then and didn't really understand, although I did notice a change in mum, she never cried; she seemed lost.  
"Well how about we start tonight then, if you're that keen?" I was keen, but tonight, I ended up agreeing. I left the staff room and sat through my last two lessons of the day.

I turned up at the night class, it wasn't really a night class, it was more of an evening class. It was 6pm and I was sat in front of Mr Byrne, I was the only one there. He doesn't normally do night classes, if you sign up for extra tuition, it's normally Mrs Joliet. I was glad it was just us, I always felt there was a pressure to know everything in class. I hated when Miss would ask me a question, even though I hadn't put my hand up. Me Byrne was different, I enjoyed his classes and he seemed like he actually cared; a teacher who cared was uncommon.  
"Ok Lorraine I have some books for you, we're going to go over some English first" I dreaded not knowing what all the big words meant, I felt stupid sometimes. Mr Byrne reassured me and it was soon the end of the class. Mr Byrne offered me a lift, but it would have been awkward all the way home. I walked in the dark, as January evenings got dark early. It was half past seven and I lived around 30 minutes away from the school. It was a long and scary walk home and some guy shouted hottie across the road. Creeps I thought, men really get on my last nerve. I reached home, it wasn't really a home. I got in the door and Sonia was there, saying how mum was getting worried. Mum wasn't one to worry. Everyone would say how me and her were so alike, I couldn't see it myself. She sat in the living room, glass of wine in hand and her favourite brand of cigarette in the other.  
"Where have you been?" Like she cared  
"Night classes with Mr Byrne" I replied  
"Night classes! Ha, you ain't gonna get anywhere Lo" she was the reason I didn't believe in myself, I can remember her being as nice as pie when dad was alive; now, just a shadow of her former self.  
"I'm going to bed" I needed a log bath and then some music to drown her out. I didn't know why she could be like that, she favourited me, but it was like she despised me at the same time. My mum was like it to Sonia too, maybe that's the reason we're close. We always go to the arcades on a Saturday, me and Sonia always found the fun in everything. I sat alone on my bed, me and Sonia had separate rooms. We lived in a semi-detached house, three bedrooms. I had the bigger bedroom being older, some nights me and Son would stay in the same room. I liked her company, she was actually one of my best mates. She didn't get into trouble like me, she was a goodie two shoes, but I made sure no one hurt her. I had Guns N Roses posters all over, I was a fan. Blondie, don't get me started on Blondie. Debbie Harry was gorgeous, she was one of my crushes. I adored her defined jaw line, she gave me goose bumps when she sang. I sat thinking about Debbie, when Son came in.  
"Hey sis, you alright. Don't listen to mum, you're a star" Sonia was the sweetest, she gave me hope.  
She was only 14, there was only two years between us, but she had her head screwed on.  
"Yeah I'm fine Son, nothing to worry about" truth was, I wasn't ok, mum made me feel like there wasn't a light at the end. Me and Sonia both made our rooms nice, but the rest of the house was a little shabby. The kitchen was barely used by mum. Mum just gave us money to get takeaway most of the time and I was the one who cooked meals, if me and Son got fed up of takeout. Mum worked, she had two jobs, but she would spend it on wine and late Saturday nights out with strange men. Sonia had a job, well it was helping out our neighbour who was quite old. She would take her out shopping and cool her meals sometimes, just look after her. I admired Sonia and her kind heart, I cared about those close to me, but if I didn't know you, I wouldn't give a shit. I needed to curb my ways though, I needed to give me and Sonia a nice life somewhere, where rich people go. I wanted the world and I wasn't going to stop till I got it.


	11. Chapter 11

Lorraine and Nikki had left for Waterloo Road. It was the last day of the week, but Lorraine was tense and stressed.  
"You look like you could do with a massage" Nikki stood smiling, hinting at what Lorraine was missing; a massage.  
"I would love one, but right now I have to deal with Brooklyn" Lorraine's face said it all, she wasn't looking forward to it.  
"I've rescheduled for you to be in here with me, I want you to try and crack Brooklyn" Lorraine dead serious.  
"Ok, well you better go and get her. I'm in a good mood today, hopefully this will be fast" Nikki sat whilst Lorraine went to get Brooklyn.  
Lorraine walked down to where Brooklyn was having her first lesson.  
"Hello, sorry Audrey, but can I borrow Brooklyn please" Lorraine looked over at Brooklyn, her eyes cold. Lorraine still couldn't believe what Brooklyn had done, but this wasn't just her idea.  
"Thank you Audrey" Lorraine smiled and left the room with Brooklyn.  
She made her way with Brooklyn to Nikki's office, Nikki knew Lorraine was coming as her heels always clicked. Nikki wasn't looking forward to confronting the very person, who allowed everyone to get a glance into her private life.  
"Here" Lorraine had hold of Brooklyn's arm and literally shoved Brooklyn into the room.  
"Why do you always do that?! You hurt me" Brooklyn teary, but Lorraine seeing through the bullshit.  
"Sit down Brooklyn" Lorraine wasn't playing games, she had Mrs Barry on her case and had threats coming left, right and centre. All of this had stemmed from the fact Brooklyn and whoever else, had posted intimate pictures of her and Nikki.  
"Ok Brooklyn, we know you weren't alone. How could you post all those in such little time?" Nikki didn't lose her cool and asked nicely.  
"Oh so you're a proper team now?" Brooklyn sniggered  
"Who was it!" Lorraine got angry, she leant over Brooklyn with both hands on the two arms of the chair. Leaning over Brooklyn, didn't help, it fuelled the fire.  
"I won't tell you, you think I'm a grass?!" Brooklyn had changed from being a lovely girl, into a jealous teenager.  
"I will stay here overnight, I will stay here with you until you tell me. I don't have anything better to do, so.. Who was it?" Nikki had seen Lorraine angry and saw how blunt she could be, but she'd never seen her like this.  
"Brooklyn come one, give it up" Nikki was the good cop and Lorraine was the bad.  
Brooklyn sat there and didn't speak a word, Lorraine and Nikki walked over to the other side of the room to speak.  
"She's not going to tell you Lorraine, you might as well give up. All of this will blow over soon" Nikki tried being the voice of reason, but Lorraine wasn't having any of it.  
"I'm not going anywhere, she can fucking tell me. I don't care how long I have to be here, I need to know. I have Mrs Barry on my back among other mums too" Lorraine's eyes started to well up, Nikki didn't like seeing Lorraine upset.  
"Ok, ok. I'm here, I'm on your side y'know" Nikki stroking Lorraine's cheek, lifting her chin up to make eye contact.  
Lorraine smiled at Nikki knowing she had her to lean on.  
"Look Brooklyn, I'm tired of this. I know you're angry, but you've gone too far. Please" Lorraine now turning the tables and pleading.  
"Also we need to know which medication you're on, incase there's an emergency here at school" Nikki soothed.  
"I'm not on medication, I just said it. I had taken something, but it wasn't exactly legal" Brooklyn finding it funny, her stupidity repulsed Lorraine. Lorraine wondered what it was she saw in Brooklyn, but she wasn't like this when they were together. It was like Brooklyn had decided to become a completely different person, but not in a good way.  
"What do you mean, of the illegal sort.? What did you take? You seemed fine when you were at mine, till you drank the wine" Lorraine's curiosity shown in her face a she spoke.  
"Ok, so I didn't take it that day" Brooklyn was getting on Lorraine and Nikki's last nerve, it was like she was teasing and testing them.  
"Brooklyn we're not here to mess around" Nikki had nearly had enough of the girl.  
"I like to do it once in a while, well more than once in a while" You could nearly see the steam coming out of Lorraine's ears, the words ringing.  
"For fuck sake, I'm done" Lorraine was about to walk out of the room when,  
"It was me and Barry Barry. I accidentally let it slip, that you two are together, then he came up with this idea and I agreed. I just wanted to get back at you, seeing you with someone else hurts. I thought it was a good idea, but then regretted it afterwards" Lorraine had no sympathy for Brooklyn, her actions were wrong.  
"Ok you can go now" Nikki spoke up as Lorraine had her back turned to everyone, speechless.  
Brooklyn walked out quietly, not saying a word, she didn't want to fire Lorraine up again; when Lorraine got going, she never stopped.  
"Hey" Nikki put her hand on Lorraine's shoulder, but Lorraine shrugged it off. Nikki left the room, leaving Lorraine to simmer. Nikki felt a little insulted by the way Lorraine had shrugged her off, she was only trying to be supportive, but Lorraine never seemed to want anyone to help.

Nikki walked outside, it was still lessons and she had been scheduled to be with Lorraine, so she decided to go and sit outside. Instead of sitting, Nikki ended up at one of the local shops. She started looking around for a drink. Nikki spotted her favourite chocolate bar, she was healthy and kept to a strict diet, but fancied a treat. She went to the counter and left with a Diet Coke and a Kit-Kat. There was a bench opposite the shop, the perfect place to sit and relax, whilst eating a chocolate bar. It had been a stressful morning, what with Brooklyn being a handful as usual. Nikki just wanted it to end, all the stupid remarks her and Lorraine got from some of the pupils. She wanted a break, maybe a week off. She thought to herself, maybe Lorraine would let her take a week off. It was Lorraine's school and she was Lorraine's girlfriend, that was a bonus. Nikki had to butter Lorraine up first, Lorraine was in a bad mood when she had left. Sometimes Nikki felt as if Lorraine had a barrier up and sometimes it felt like all the walls were being let down, she didn't know where she stood half of the time. All she knew was, that she needed a holiday, just a small break. Lorraine probably couldn't go with her, as she had meetings. It was a shame, they could have spent the week together not worrying about work or stressing over the little things.  
Nikki walked slowly back to Waterloo Road, the shop wasn't far and she had more than enough time. It would be break by now, but Nikki couldn't face the pupils. Some of the pupils acted out to follow suit, but most done it out of spite. The only thing she wanted to see, was Lorraine's smile, but she doubted she'd see that either.

Meanwhile Lorraine had been sitting in Nikki's office since Nikki had left. Lorraine knew she had been harsh towards her, shrugging her off like that. One of Lorraine's qualities was to push people away, when all she wanted was to have someone close. The thought of letting someone deep within, scared Lorraine. She had let Mark in, who was her best friend. Sonia knew most things, but Lorraine didn't share many feelings with Sonia. Nikki was different, even different from Brooklyn. Nikki was open, kind, honest and listened, but Lorraine still kept barriers up at times when she felt threatened. It was a defence mechanism, she had used it from the age of 16 and upwards. Except when Lorraine was a teenager, she pretended with a bad reputation. She tried hiding feelings, she tried not feeling at all. Sometimes there wasn't a choice and she couldn't help, but feel something. Lorraine took a moment to realise how pushing the ones she loved away, wasn't going to help her. The thought also entered her mind, that she couldn't take Nikki to meet the parents. Her dad wasn't alive and her mum was in a nursing home. She could take her to Sonia's, but Sonia worked at Waterloo and Nikki already knew her. Mark was someone, he wanted to meet Nikki, but it's not the same thing as a parent. The thought lingered in Lorraine's head, Nikki on the other hand was about to teach her first lesson of the day.

Nikki decided she didn't want to be inside, she wanted to teach outside. She got the kids in P.E gear and told them they were going for a run. Her pupils sulked, but Nikki didn't care, as long as she was outside.  
"Hey Rhiannon, you better watch it. Miss Boston might take a sneak peak of you in your joggers" Barry Barry was always someone who got on everyone's nerve and he was proving why.  
Nikki rolled her eyes  
"Right come one, ten laps around the car park" everyone sighed at her very words.  
"Oh and Barry, twenty laps" Nikki smiled to herself, feeling as if she had gotten one up on Barry.  
Lorraine came out to the car park and the students started sniggering. They all knew Lorraine and Nikki were together, the posters said it all. The whispering started to get to Nikki  
"Alright you lot, pipe down" they listened, Nikki wasn't one to cross. She was sweet and caring, but if you got on her bad side, well you'd get to see her bad side.  
"Hey I need to talk to you" Lorraine looked upset, but Nikki didn't want to know. Lorraine was always like this, there wasn't any excuse, even if she did find it hard to show her emotions.  
"Can we leave this till I'm free" Nikki stern and blank.  
"Yeah, I just thought" Lorraine barely speaking  
"Isn't that something you don't really do. Not often anyway. You're intelligent, but you never give anyone else's feelings a second thought" Nikki was now angry, her anger shone through her eyes, Lorraine thought it best to leave Nikki. The coin had flipped, Nikki was the one who was shrugging her off. Lorraine couldn't say anymore, so she walked off, but just as she walked off one of the pupils threw their bag at her.  
"Oi!" Nikki was mad, but wasn't going to let a teenager hurt Lorraine.  
"Get inside and go to Mr Byne's office. Now!" With that, the pupil left the class and done what they had been told.  
"If any of you want to make any slide remarks, or have anything un-positive to say; write them down and hand them to Sonia, that way no one will get hurt" Nikki was fuming at how some of the students could act, it was disgusting at times.  
Lorraine never said anything, she just smiled at Nikki for backing her up and left.  
Nikki still had half an hour left of the lesson, she wanted to go after Lorraine, but couldn't drop her class.

Lorraine walked to the office, Nikki and Tom's office, she was there once again. This time, she sat and sobbed, knowing no one would walk in as everyone was busy. She should be busy, she had some meetings next week and had to go dog hunting with Nikki. She wasn't sure Nikki would want her to go with her, she backed Lorraine up in the car park, but Nikki still looked a little angry; no wonder.

Sonia had just finished up, she was about to go and get a coffee. Sonia needed the break, but went looking for Lorraine before she left.  
"Hey sis, what's wrong?" Sonia found Lorraine and could see she was sobbing.  
"Nothing, I'm fine Son" Lorraine was lying, it was pretty obvious she wasn't ok.  
"Come here, come on" Sonia put out her arm to coax Lorraine towards her. Lorraine got up, she was a little apprehensive, as she knew what was coming. Sonia grabbed Lorraine and hugged her, hugged her tightly, the kind where you can tell the person really cares about you.  
"Sonia I don't feel good" Lorraine hysterical, she felt hot and her breath was heavy.  
"Hey, it's ok y'know" Sonia stroking Lorraine's blonde hair, holding on for dear life.  
"I, I, I" Lorraine couldn't make any sentences out, her breath was too heavy and the tears were to prominent.  
"Don't worry, you don't need to speak. Just calm down yeah?" Sonia was scared herself, she had never really seen her sister like that. The door creaked and Nikki stood there, in the door way.  
"Shit, what happened?!" Nikki stormed in to come and see Lorraine, her face went white.  
"I found her like this, she won't stop" Sonia explained to Nikki and stepped away from Lorraine. Lorraine now had her hands on her face, she was slightly bent over and her breathing had gotten heavier.  
"Lorraine, look at me" Nikki tried pulling Lorraine's hands down, but didn't get anywhere. Lorraine then started pacing, holding her gut.  
"Lorraine, stop, please" Sonia was crying herself, Lorraine wasn't ok, her breath wasn't easing.  
"She's right, you need to calm down. Lorraine?!" Nikki was worried, she grabbed Lorraine tightly at the wrists.  
"Lorraine, look at me!" Nikki caught Lorraine's glance and the two women stared at each other.  
"Ok, breath in and hold, now breathe out" Nikki calming Lorraine down, trying to regulate her breathing.  
"I, I, can't brea.."  
"Shh, shh, hey, hey. In, hold and out" Nikki cupping Lorraine's hands, lifting them to her chest, trying to get Lorraine's focus onto her breathing. Lorraine started repeating what Nikki was saying, she breathed in, held it in and let the air out. It was helping and Sonia was in oar of Nikki, Lorraine had completely calmed down.

There were still a few tears and Sonia had gone to make them all a cup of tea. Lorraine needed a drink, her mouth was dry due to breathing too quickly.  
"You ok?" Nikki placing a hand on Lorraine's leg as they sat closely opposite each other.  
"Yeah, I'm fine. I actually thought I was going to die. It came from nowhere, that's what always happens" Nikki frowned at Lorraine's words.  
"Always? Has this happened before. Lorraine?" Nikki concerned  
"Well, I've always had it, it creeps up. When I'm stressed it gets worse, this whole week has been a whirl wind. I think this week's just caught up with me" Lorraine being honest, she owed Nikki that much.  
"I wish you had of told me, ugh Lorraine, you can tell me anything. I was thinking of taking a week off, I didn't want to say anything till tonight and at first I was expecting to go alone, but I think you should come with me. It's only for a week and you need it Lorraine. Cancel whatever plans you have and just come with me, please, you owe it to yourself, your welfare" Nikki wanted to spend a week with Lorraine somewhere she and her could relax.  
"I don't know, I mean, this place" Lorraine wanted to go, but Waterloo Road was going to be down a teacher.  
"I'm sure you can get a supply and you go away to meetings all the time. I'm sure Michael can deal with it" Nikki trying hard to persuade Lorraine.  
"I don't, ugh, ok. You pulled my leg" Lorraine smiled excited at the fact they were going away together, she deserved to have some time out. Lorraine also had the worry of either turning the school into a private one, or handing it over to the council. She hadn't even told Nikki yet, maybe the week away would clear her mind and giver her a chance to tell Nikki; maybe Nikki could help.


	12. Chapter 12

We ended up on our way to my home town, Bradford. I wanted to take Lorraine away somewhere, where she could be at peace. I also wanted her to see were I was from, meet my parents. I hadn't told her we were staying with my parents, which I should have. I thought if I had told her, she would have freaked out and refused to accompany me. I kept it hush and booked our first night there in a hotel, I would tell her then I thought. I was driving us all the way there, she looked drained and pale. Her blonde locks blowing in the wind, the breeze from the window warm on our faces. She rolled down the window further, her arm hanging out of it. It was as if she was pretending to have wings and was flying. The sun was shining, it hit her face beautifully, I was admiring her features. The light hit her jaw, so you could see the perfect outline of it. I loved the shape of her face, it was soft, yet the perfect shape, visible. It went out at the cheeks, then in at the chin, it was cute. Mine was stronger, more masculine, square like. She always complimented me on the way it sat, she always liked to run her fingers along it. I liked it when Lorraine was like that, it's a side no one else gets to see, no one knew her like me. My hands gripped the steering wheel as she turned to look at me, her beauty literally taking my breath away.  
She smiled, I love her smile, it was gorgeous. Lorraine is a confident woman, she is a strong woman, but she didn't believe she was beautiful. I found that hard to believe, there are such things as mirrors. Every time I told her, she looked as though I didn't mean it, I mean every word I say; to anyone. I love her, I've never felt this way about any other. I can't imagine loving another, loving someone other than Lorraine. Her name when said from my own mouth, gave me tingles down the spine. We were an hour away, we left really early in the morning. It was over four hours from Greenock to Bradford, West Yorkshire. We left at 9am and it was now 12pm. I could feel the feeling in my but going, I needed to sit somewhere other than my car. Lorraine was bound to be hungry, I hadn't seen her eat properly in a while, maybe this trip would ease her mind and get a good meal down her.  
"Hey you wanna stop off somewhere to eat?" I asked, cutting the silence.  
"Sure, I'm quite hungry to be honest" the first words she had spoken for about an hour, but our silence wasn't awkward; it felt normal. I smiled at her, her face so innocent looking, gosh she's beautiful. I wanted to kiss her, in that moment, but I had to keep my eyes on the road. Plenty of time for that I thought. We were now at Skipton, to get something to eat. There was a little café called The Three Sheep Tea Room. It was a sweet little place, it was decorated cream on the outside, with it's name in black written above the window. They had chairs out as it was a lovely day, there were wicker seats with red as white cushions. It was such a lovely place, I took a photo of it. Lorraine looked at me weirdly, then laughed.  
"Why did you take a picture Miss Boston?" She joked  
"I like to look back on the memories" I had loads of photo albums at home, I wanted Lorraine to be part of them.  
"Come on, I'm starving" Lorraine started to become eager to get in and order. She held my hand and pulled me closer to the door, it was weird, she never held my hand in Greenock. Maybe she was scared as people knew her around there, but here nobody had the faintest idea. I wished she could be at ease with me in Greenock, but this did feel amazing.  
"Hello ladies, what would you like?" An older woman stood behind the counter, her warm smile and apron made me feel at home.  
"Lorraine?" I asked Lorraine to go first  
"Can I have a pot of tea for two and a tuna sandwich please" she sounded so posh, even though she had a cockney accent. I looked over at her smiling, then turned to the woman.  
"I'll have a cheese and tomato sandwich please" the thought of it being fresh and homemade excited me, yes I'm daft at times. We sat outside, why waste a nice day sat indoors. I sat opposite Lorraine, her hand was still attached to mine, the perfect temperature. She had the slimmest fingers and her hands were also soft, different from a man's. I had been with men, it was only about five years ago I came out and knew who I was. I knew the way I felt about women, I had always had thoughts. The way their lips were tinted naturally pink and the way their curves went in and out. I didn't realise I felt more for women as I'd never been with one. I thought the way I felt about guys was normal until I had my best friend stay. One thing led to another. She wanted to experiment, but I ended up liking the way I felt, it felt so natural and different to a man. I had never gotten that aroused with a man, yet when I kissed and touched Lizzy, I felt tingly; I felt on top of the world. That's when I knew for certain, it took me a long time to figure out who I actually was. I mean being in the army was tough and takes it's toll on anyone, but even there I had thoughts of women and the women did look hot in the uniform. I was always into sports and was more boyish than my class mates. When I was younger people would say 'oh isn't he a handsome one' I liked my trousers and now I liked my jeans and blazers. It's weird to think I used to date men, even though I knew in my heart I was gay. I'm glad the whole best friend thing happened. I mean it wasn't exactly a teenage experiment, we were two grown women, yet I'm glad she had that moment of lesbianism curiosity. I came back to reality and our tea, along with out sandwiches had arrived.  
"Yours looks nice" Lorraine peering over at my plate.  
"Want to try some?" I offered, she was licking her lips at the sight of them.  
"I've got my own, but yeah haha" she had perked up already, probably due to the fact she didn't have to worry about anything. I wanted to make her feel like that, wherever we were.  
"Here you go" I tore off a piece and passed it to her, she didn't lift her hands though and leant in to take it from my hand with her mouth. Two elderly women were looking over, probably discussing us. She didn't care if anyone saw us, that's when I knew she was happy to be seen with me, instead of being ashamed.  
"Fuck they're good sandwiches" she sat elegantly chomping on a bit of my sandwich, no pun intended.  
"Lorraine. Do you want to swap?"  
"Do you mind?" Of course I didn't mind, I offered.  
"No gorgeous, I don't mind" calling her gorgeous just felt normal in that moment.  
"Thank you. Gorgeous" she had picked up on me calling her gorgeous and mocked me. She meant no harm, Lorraine was so sarcastic at times, but it kind of turned me on. Her sarcasm, would come across really sexy at times. Like she was kind of seducing me with words, even kissing her made me feel things; the kind you feel in the bedroom.  
"Hey, can we look around?" She sounded like an excited child asking for my permission.  
"Lorraine, of course we can. We can do whatever you want, I'm doing this all for you" she looked at me, her eyes filling, but she bit on her lip and held down the tears. I had a feeling she'd never been told anything like that, she was with Brooklyn, but she told me everything about them. They loved each other, but could never be seen with one another and Lorraine always felt guilty; that was not a relationship, not to me anyway. I wanted to make her feel like a queen, she was as beautiful as one.

We got back into my car and I had to say something, the fact I hadn't told her about meeting my parents, was bugging me.  
"Hey Lorraine, you know I booked us into a hotel, well.." I then trailed off  
"Yes. Don't tell me there's something wrong with it" she was completely oblivious and that very fact made me feel bad.  
"Look, it's for one night and we're staying with my parents" I blurted it out, fast and breathless.  
"You're joking right? Nikki!" She looked worried, I would have been too. Meeting the parents was a whole new ball park, I felt so bad.  
"Look, if you don't want to stay there, I understand. I thought it would be nice and I can always book more nights at the hotel" I dreaded if she was to be angry at me, I didn't do it to make her feel uncomfortable.  
"No! No, lets do it. I want to meet them, but we might as well go straight there" her smile so wide, teeth gleaming. She then kissed me softly on the lips, one kiss turned into many more. We didn't look around in the end.  
"Ok, we better get going then" I pulled away, even though I could have stayed there forever.  
"Ok" she smiled at me again. I called my parents and told them we'd be a day early, maybe she wanted to get it over and done with.  
We drove on to Bradford, I hadn't been home for a long time, the parents were getting excited about seeing us both. I imagined they'd already have made cakes and banners to put up in the door frames. My parents have always been supportive and my dad always treated me like the son he never had. He was into sports like me and he was proud when I got into the army. My mum was a typical mum, smothering and the most caring person I knew. Both being in their fifties, they had a nice house, it was an old house. We had lived there all my life, I wanted to let Lorraine into my world for a changed.

We were here, Bodmin Avenue. My parents had a three bedroom semi-detached house, with a garden. There was a pebble drive way and a garage attached to the house. I parked in the drive way as their car was in the garage, as they knew we were coming. I stepped out and looked up to the window where my bedroom used to be. I did love being home; home is home after all.  
"Ready?" I asked Lorraine, she looked petrified, as was I. I didn't know what my parents would think of her.  
"Ready as I'll ever be" we linked arms and I knocked on the door.  
"Love!" Mum answered and that was the first thing that came out of her mouth. She grabbed me and kissed me all over, as though I was ten.  
"Mum! Blimey I'm 38!"  
"Yes, but don't you look good for it" I laughed at her words, looking at Lorraine to make sure she was ok.  
"This must be Lorraine. You're a pretty thing, Nikki she's a pretty thing" now Lorraine was laughing at my mum's words.  
"Yes, now are we going to stand in the doorway forever?" Being around my parents brought my accent out.  
"Come in my loves, tea anyone?" Here comes the tea and cake I thought.  
"Yes please Mrs Boston" Lorraine being so polite, it was weird seeing her like that.  
"Love, call me Rose" my mum smiled at Lorraine, her warm grin the same as I remembered.  
"Go in, sit down!" We did as my mum told us, my dad wasn't in for some odd reason.  
"Where's dad?" Asking mum as she brought tea in.  
"He popped out to get some more milk love" I couldn't wait I see him, he was one of the reasons I carried on, the army took it's toll on me and he helped me get through.

"So Lorraine how's she been treating you" mum was about to embarrass me.  
"Well, thank you Mrs.. Rose" I just hoped they'd get on, mum and dad haven't really been introduced to any of the women I had dated. Some men I brought back, but all the women I dated, had never been this serious; well I hadn't dated many women.  
"That'll be your father" the door creaked open and dad had arrived with milk. He was soon sitting with us in the living room.  
"I heard on the news, that gay marriage is legal now" there she goes again, Lorraine choking on her tea.  
"Rose! I'm sure they have better things to worry about" my dad saving the day as usual.  
I loved the way they were together, they had been married years. I wanted that, I wanted someone to settle down with and have kids with.  
"Well it would be nice, you're 38 now love" oh my goodness, I could feel myself going red in the cheeks.  
"To be honest Rose, your daughter would make a fine wife" Lorraine's words shocking the life out of me, she really did seem different. I looked at her, mouth open.  
"Darling shut your mouth, it's not attractive" my dad now rolling his eyes at mum, they were comedic together, especially when they got going.  
"Nik, gimme your bags and I will take them to your room" Dad offering, he was the strong manly type, tattoos on his arms. Mum and him were total opposites, but they loved each other. I went to get our bags out of the car, Lorraine behind me, she probably didn't want to be left alone with the lethal duo.  
"They're lovely Nik" beneath the surface Lorraine was the sweetest woman.  
"Yeah they are, did you mean it in there?" I had to ask, she said I'd make a lovely wife.  
She looked down at the floor, then dad interrupted us.  
"Nikki you're too slow" he grabbed the bags and moved them to our room. Mum would have put us in separate rooms, I know what she's like. Dad had us sharing in the spare room, double bed with an on-suite. The house always smelt the same, like cinnamon and biscuits. Me and Lorraine sat on the bed, we needed a five minute break from them both.  
"Your parents house is lovely and so are they"  
"I was worried you wouldn't like them or you'd feel uncomfortable" I really hoped she didn't feel stupid, I wanted her to feel at home.  
"No, honestly it's lovely. I didn't really have a home when I was younger. It's nice Nikki honestly and yeah you would make a great wife" she looked at me with seriousness in her face.  
"Come here" I pulled her in, cupping her face, we kissed. She gave the best kisses I'd ever had, maybe the fact she meant something to me, made them better. Our lips touching, between kisses we looked each other in the eye. Tongues, sweet taste, lips soft, mine coated with hers; tingles.  
Then there was a knock, just when my hand started reaching for her stomach. It's safe to say it killed the moment.  
"Hey lovelies, I wondered what you'd like for tea tonight? I don't know what Lorraine likes" my mum a dear little thing, only 4 '11. She was smaller than me, I was even taller than my dad.  
"Me and Lorraine thought we'd take you both out" I smiled  
"Oh really?! That would be lovely, John did you hear that?" She shouted down to my dad, he heard nothing. She left us in the room, as she made her way to tell my dad we were taking them out.  
"Do your parents know who I am?" I hadn't told them anything, Lorraine was a private person and I didn't want to say anything without her consent.  
"No, they know who you are, not what you do and the fact you're.. Loaded" I tried to say it in a way where I didn't sound like, they wouldn't like her if they knew. To be honest, they wouldn't even care, I think.  
"Well over dinner, we can get to know each other" her words warm, she wanted to know about me and my family.

She looked so perfect and smiled at the fact I wanted to know her and her family. Why wouldn't I want to? She was my girlfriend and Nikki was the only woman I had ever loved like this. I thought I loved Brooklyn, but Nikki; it goes deeper. I looked around the room, it was big and bright. The bed cover was frilly, probably her mother's taste. I could see myself living somewhere like this with Nikki, I had a lot of money and could buy anywhere, but somewhere small and cosy with Nikki, suited me fine.  
I didn't want to let on I was thinking of asking her to move in with me, to buy somewhere with her. We had been together a while, we had chemistry even before we dated. It wasn't like we had been together a year, but it felt right to me, I just wasn't sure if it was right for Nikki.

"You look nice Rose" I really adored Nikki's mum, she was sweet and gentle. She wore a nice cream dress and done her hair, so all of it was out of her face. Nikki didn't look like her mum, she definitely resembled her dad, she had his eyes.  
"Thank you Lorraine, it's one of my best dresses" me and Nikki both looked at each other smiling.  
"Well it's lovely" I didn't even have to try and be happy around Nikki and her family, it came natural; it was how I felt. Nikki had picked the restaurant, she knew the area. I was paying for everyone, nobody knew yet, not even Nikki. Nikki thought we were going to go halves, but I wanted to treat all of them. I had even planned to take her mother out tomorrow, a relaxation day and a shopping spree. I also thought Nikki might like time with her dad, she was going on about how she missed watching the sports with him, so I figured. Tomorrow I'm going to get them some beers and food to enjoy, along with the sports.  
Being nice wasn't something I done often, I was always too wrapped up in myself, but now I had someone to care about; I really cared.  
"This is it" Nikki pulling up at a posh restaurant.  
"I didn't think you came to places like this, you said it was full of pretentious twats" I whispered in her ear, her side smiling at me.  
"I didn't, until I fell in love with one" she winked at me, joking as usual. I loved Nikki's sarcastic side, it was hot. We had the same kind of humour.  
"What kind of food does this place do love?" Her mum looked nervous, she was worried in case she didn't like anything. Nikki knew nothing, so I said something  
"Rose, if nothing takes your fancy in there, we can go somewhere else. It's no trouble, honestly"  
"Thank you dear, I just don't want to embarrass myself. Not in a place like this" her voice quivered.  
"Are we going in then" Nikki looking at all of us to get out of the car. Her dad laughed, they were like two peas in a pod. I liked how closed they all were, it was nice to watch.

We sat near the window, on lovely plush cushioned seats. I sat next to Nikki and her mum sat next to her dad. I wouldn't have minded if I was seated next to her mum, but I couldn't help feeling like her dad didn't like me. Her dad hadn't spoken to me since we arrived, he just gave me the odd smile, at least it's better than nothing. We all ordered our drinks first, mine was a glass of white, Rose had a gin and tonic, John had a beer and Nikki the same. Our food was going to take a while, so it was the perfect time to get to know everyone.  
"So Nikki said you work at Waterloo Road" Rose spoke up and I knew she didn't know half of what I do.  
"Well that's one way to put it, I own it" it was the truth, I couldn't lie to Nikki's mum, that would be more than disgusting.  
"Nikki, you didn't say anything" Nikki's face now sunken, like she knew what was coming.  
"So, what do you mean by owning it. Is it a side project among the other things you do" the first thing Nikki's dad had said to me all day.  
"I am the benefactor, I put money into the school to keep it running, but it is mine" his face, his posture, everything about him screamed.. I don't like your type. I had my hands on the table, fingers intwined, my face low as I stared at them. Nikki discretely put a hand on my knee under the table, reassurance was what I needed in that awkward situation.  
"That's amazing dear, that you've done so well for yourself" I could imagine myself baking cakes with  
Rose, I warmed to her instantly and me Lorraine Donnegan, wanting to bake cakes.  
"So you earn quite a lot then?" There he goes again, I only said nothing as he was Nikki's dad.  
Nikki looked at me, embarrassed and disheartened. Nikki wanted her dad to like me, she got on so well with him, but sometimes things like this happen.  
"I'm a millionaire" the whole table went quiet and Rose nearly choked on her drink.  
Nikki's head was now in her hand, she didn't want them to know. What was I suppose to say, I earn some, I owned a school for goodness sake.  
Just in time, the food arrived, it smelt amazing and got my taste buds tingling.  
"Yours looks nice" Nikki peered closer at my plate, her eyes on the prize so to speak.  
"Try some" I took some pasta from the plate onto my fork and fed her, sharing food was a new habit. I didn't care, that her parents were here. I also liked the fact it annoyed her dad, he didn't even know me, yet he was judging me based on my wealth.  
"That's amazing" ugh Nikki's Yorkshire accent, it made me hot under the collar. I wanted to shout at her dad, and it's an expensive collar too; I tried to not laugh at my own thoughts.  
"Rose, I thought me and you could spend the day together tomorrow" I told her about the day trip I had organised.  
"Really? You'd do that for me" the life in her skin came back, she seemed excited.  
"I wanted to get to know you and spend time with you. I also wanted Nikki to have some time with her dad" even when I had said that, he rolled his eyes. It was really bothering me, the way he was acting towards me; I had done nothing wrong.  
"Lorraine, you don't have to do that" Nikki grabbing my leg tighter underneath the table again as she spoke, I could tell she appreciated it. I could feel the heat coming off of her hand, her eyes dotting all over me, her hand sliding upwards. I nearly knocked the complimentary jug of water over, she was pretty close to where she knew she should rub; I was wearing a dress and that was easy access after all.  
"You ok dear" Rose concerned, but me and Nikki knew, that I was absolutely fine.  
After quietly sniggering to ourselves, everyone was nearly done. I had finished, but didn't eat all of it.  
"Not hungry?" Nikki looked at me and I shook my head to say no, all of a sudden I felt down. Her dad just didn't seem right, he looked uncomfortable and looked as though he wanted to go home. I was feeling like shit, all I wanted, was to get on with both of them.


	13. Chapter 13

We got back to Nikki's, well her parents and I wanted to go straight to bed. It was getting late, Rose and John had gone to bed, I was left downstairs with Nikki; that was fine by me.  
"Here you go" Nikki said as she passed me a glass of wine, red.  
"Thank you" that's all I could say, I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to upset her and say I didn't like her dad.  
"Hey, what's wrong. Lorraine" only after calling my name, I looked up.  
"Nothing, I'm looking forward to my day out with your mum tomorrow" I smiled, avoiding talking about John.  
"I know dad can be harsh at times, he just does it to protect me. I will have a word with him if you want?" She could read me like a book, she knew exactly what I was feeling and thinking.  
"No, please don't , it would make things worse. Honestly, it's fine. Well he kind of offended me, by judging me based on what I earn. I'm kind of feeling shit about myself" I was opening up to Nikki, I felt I could and no more lies I had told myself.  
"Ah, yeah. I'm not taking sides on this one, I love you both. I know how he can be though, babe please let me speak to him. If he knew he upset you, he wouldn't have said anything" she called me babe, that was new.  
"Ok, but put it nicely. I don't want a noose around my neck" I sounded so morbid.  
"Lorraine, please don't talk like that" she looked worried, I hadn't said anything.  
"Nikki, just because your dad doesn't like me, doesn't mean I'm going to top myself" I couldn't have put it more bluntly, I was down, but not on the edge.  
She looked down at her hands that laid on her lap, did I say something wrong?  
"I just don't want you doing anything stupid. I know what you're like under stress" Nikki sounded as if she was trying to hold back tears, her eyes rimmed with them, as she looked at me.  
"Nikki, I'm not unstable. I'm fine" I grabbed her hand. Other than Sonia, she was the only one who really cared about me. Michael did, but he knew nothing and I was always a bitch towards him. I act out, then I'm left with no one. I didn't want to push Nikki away, she was the only one who got me. Work; I knew nobody actually liked me, I had walked in on them talking about me, more than a few times. I didn't know what to do with the school either, I needed Nikki's advice.  
We sat on the sofa together, just talking. We were supposed to be buying a dog together, but that turned into a week away.  
"We can still go dog hunting, bring him or her back with us" I suggested  
"Yeah we could, would you mind?" Like I minded, I suggested it.  
"No, but ask your parents, we could keep it here till we get back home. Also look on some of those free sites, it doesn't matter if the dog isn't a puppy" I was actually excited, I loved animals, just never had the time to care for one.  
"Ok" Nikki smiled and kissed me, that was that, we were going to go dog hunting in Bradford.

"Nikki. What should I do? Do I hand the school over to the council, or?" I was sincerely asking, I wanted to have the school to myself, as I could easily turn it into money. I would make a few enemies, but they didn't have to work alongside me.  
"Well, I think you should consider the council. I mean, the pupils, think of them. You always say you put the kids first, prove it" her very words echoing.  
"Lorraine, you're a millionaire. You don't need the school, find something, that won't destroy lives" it was her being blunt this time, but it was true. I was going to give it to the council, it's the least I could do, for Michael and everyone.  
"You're right, but you do know what that means. I will be leaving" I couldn't stay there, not after giving the school away.  
"What, move away? Can't you stay in Scotland" she sat up, tense.  
"If I had something to do there, I'd stay. I need another project. The only thing I'd stay for is you" Sonia could take care of herself, but Nikki was my rock; I couldn't live without her.  
"Well stay then, make a life with me. I can still work at Waterloo, but please don't leave" she was basically pleading.  
"Ok, but there was something else I wanted to ask you. Do you want to move in with me?" I said it, it was out and I couldn't take it back now.  
"What? You're being serious? You want my underwear scattered all over your floors everyday?" Nikki ever the comedian.  
"Yes, I wouldn't mind anything of yours being scattered all over. Although I want to buy somewhere different, not like the massive house I have now. Maybe a penthouse apartment" I didn't know whether it was too soon, I mean dog hunting and house hunting too; I didn't want to scare her off.  
"So, do I get to pick where we live too?" Her voice light and fluffy, she was up for it as much as I was.  
"Of course" I winked and laughed.  
Our glasses were empty and we were having the best laugh in each others company. The excitement taking over us both, both acting like giddy teenagers.

It was Sunday, boring old Sunday and I was getting dressed whilst Nikki made me a tea. I just hoped her dad was going to be ok today, I couldn't bare another lecture. Well he didn't exactly lecture me, but he put me on the spot, which was embarrassing. Even Rose looked embarrassed, she seemed to like me; she also didn't care, that I had money. I know this is blunt, but I really needed a fuck, my tense shoulders were in need of a relaxation period. I didn't want to have sex here though, even Nikki barely touched me in bed, at least we both felt the same. The fact her parents were just down the hall, put me right off any intimate actions.

Nikki then arrived with my tea, just as I was zipping up my pencil skit, I realised I wore the same shit all the time. Maybe I should get some new clothes while me and her mum went shopping, I could ask for her advice.  
"Let me" Nikki came over to zip my skirt up, I was having a bit of trouble and it was nice feeling her arms around me, after she had zipped it.  
"Mum's waiting you know. She got up at six apparently, she loves you to bits" Nikki said, holding me from behind, the both of us rocking back and forth. Her kisses were planted on my neck, her breath making me shiver.  
"I better go then, have fun with your dad" I made my way downstairs with Nikki, it was only 10am. As it was a Sunday, I thought we'd better go early, the shops shut earlier on a Sunday.

"Ready?" I gave a big smile after I said it, she beamed with excitement. It felt like I was treating my own mum, truth is, I missed mine. Mum was ill and she didn't know who I was, she only knew Sonia, yet she did call Sonia Lorraine. There was a point when I was about twenty, when me and her actually got on and spent time together. It was the one time we got on and then it turned sour.  
Rose interrupted my thoughts,  
"Where are we off to first then love?" She was so innocent, it was crazy that she was with John.  
"I thought we would go for a coffee, as it's early and then go shopping wherever you fancy" I had borrowed Nikki's car to drive us to the city centre.  
"Sounds perfect and thank you love, you really didn't have to" I was only taking her out, but she was so appreciative. We arrived in the city and I had paid for the parking ticket, I wanted a coffee so badly. I had a cuppa back at Rose's, but the sight of a coffee shop made me weak at the knees.  
"This one?" I asked Rose, there was a Starbucks opposite us. She nodded and we walked in, she even linked my arm. My phone was on silent, work could be demanding, but it was strictly family business I wanted to attend to. Family, friends, whatever, just personal matters. We sat in the corner on a nice leather sofa, it was a dark burgundy colour and looked vintage, I wanted it for mine and Nikki's future home.  
"This is nice, so how do you like Bradford" Nikki's mum asked as she sipped her drink.  
"It's nice, the people are lovely. It's nice to get away from the hectic lifestyle of Waterloo Road" I laughed  
"Yes, I know all too well. I worry for Nikki sometimes" she seemed really concerned, she really did loved her daughter.  
"Don't worry Mrs Boston, I won't let anything happen to her. You have my word" I meant it, no one would lay a finger on her; I would kick their balls in.  
"Thank you dear" she took hold of my hand and smiled warmly.  
We finished our coffees and left, it was 11 now and I was beginning to like Nikki's mum more and more. We went into River Island, I adored this shop, they had everything I'd wear. I wasn't sure whether it was Rose's cup of tea, but she soon got looking.  
"Lorraine this would look amazing on you" she had picked up this lovely shirt, I wanted a new image. The shirt was blue, but the cuffs were black. Where the buttons sat was black and so was the collar, it had a vintage pattern all over. I picked it up and put it on my arm, I was going to buy it. Then I spotted some black baggy trousers, they were cuffed at the ankles and baggy at the hips, not too baggy though. They would go with most tops and then I got some black jeans, that came above the ankle, which also had zips on them. Rose even brought over a leather jacket, I thought fuck it. I was a fan of classic rock and liked the rough look. I needed band t-shirts and ripped jeans, I soon found what I was looking for. Rose found a dress she adored and she tried it on to make sure she wanted it. Rose got some jewellery and a tailored jacket, then we moved on to another store. We went into The Body Shop. So many creams, lotions and perfumes. We soon got stuck in, Rose smelling everything, we were even having a laugh.  
"Rose get anything you want, honestly, you could have it all of you wanted" I wanted her to feel like a kid in a candy shop, we bought loads from there too. I bought Nikki some things; bought her a perfume, that smelt like chocolate and nuts. We had already spent at least two hundred, I really didn't care, I didn't have a budget; I had more than enough. We went everywhere, I was wondering what Nikki was doing.

Lorraine and mum left, Lorraine gave me money to go and get food and drinks. I left dad in the house to get the football ready, he recorded it. I went to the shop, it was only round the corner. I had only gotten down the street, when I heard someone shout dyke. There was a boy on a bike, just shouting abuse at me. I ignored him and carried on, he just rode off. Nobody could tell Lorraine was a lesbian, but I was more masculine and boyish. I didn't have short, short hair, but everyone knew I was gay. I mean what if I wasn't? Some girls like to be boyish, doesn't mean they like the same sex! I arrived at the shop, it was a decent size, but still small. I walked in and went straight to the fridge to buy beers. My dad liked Carling and I liked Fosters, I got both and looked around the shop for food. I ended up leaving with, heaps of Doritos, plus dip, two galaxy bars (the big kind) I got fizzy haribos, normal ones and I also got some revels and strawberry shoelaces. Lorraine gave me forty pound, which was more, more and more than enough; it was too much. I swear sometimes she liked to splash the cash. The time with my dad also gave me a chance to look for a dog. I got back, this time without abuse and laid all of the goodies on the coffee table. Dad had been sitting waiting for me, his glasses on.  
"Hey chick" he always called me his chick, there was a time when I was little and we went to a farm, there was a little chick that followed me around; hence the name. He had called me chick ever since. I needed to speak to him too, about Lorraine; I was dreading it. The fact I loved them both made it hard, I really couldn't side with either.  
"Hey, ready to get hammered and put a few pounds on" I joked, as I passed him one of the beers.

It was half an hour into the football, when I had to pipe up and say something.  
"Dad? Do you like Lorraine" he didn't even turn to me.  
"She's a bit stuck up, but you love her" his words, broke my heart. She hasn't been stuck up at all, she bit back at him, but that's all. He never liked my partners, there had only been a few who made it into my house, but they only ever came once.  
"So you don't like her?" I sat on the edge of the sofa, beer in both hands and a sadness on my face.  
"I never thought you'd bring back a millionaire. She's the type who'd look down on us, I don't know why Rose has warmed to her" now he was hitting a nerve with me, once you got to know Lorraine, she was the kindest person. The cocky stuck up person, was a mask she hid behind. I suppose in a work place mainly surrounded by egotistical people, you had to be tough; she was boss.  
"She's not like that dad, you're judging her, before you've even had a chance to get to know her" my words stern.  
"Look, if you want me to ease up, I will. I will try" at least I got somewhere with him, he was only doing it for my sake. We sat and watched footie together and stuffed out faces. I got my phone out and started looking for dogs, like Lorraine said, it didn't need to be a puppy.  
"Dad? If I get a dog, can I keep it here till me and Lo go back to Scotland?" I even battered my eyelashes, seeing if the doe look sweetened him.  
"It's not me you have to ask, it's your mother. You know what she's like, I swear she has OCD" it was true, my mum liked a pristine house and a dog would scare her witless.  
I should ask her when she gets back with Lorraine, she'd be all sugared up by then. I had found a dog and even called the owner. It was a little white fluffy thing called Buddy, he was only one. He was a Havanese. I could pick him up today if I wanted to, I just needed to ask my mum.

We were on our way back to the house, me and Rose had a lot of fun. I really didn't want to face Nikki's dad though, he kind of annoyed me. I am the type who would say something, but I held my tongue for Nikki's sake. He also hurt me, why judge someone, when you've known them a day. I could feel my blood rushing around my body. Rose kept thanking me, I just told her that we were family now. Truth is, I would do anything for Nikki, and her family.

We got back and Nikki greeted us.  
"Hey, have fun?"  
"Lorraine bought me loads love" Rose taking her bags upstairs to her room.  
Nikki pulled me to one side, we ended up in the kitchen.  
"I had a word with my dad, he's gonna ease off" thank goodness, her words were like a blessing.  
"Thank you!" I kissed her, I wanted to pounce on her, I felt horny.  
"You should see what I bought, a whole new look" I wanted to look like a chic rock chic, I wanted to mix it up a little.  
"Hey I've got good news! I found a dog, not too far from here" Nikki then told me his name was Buddy, even showed me a picture; he was the cutest thing ever. I was all of a sudden going soppy, over a dog!  
"When are you picking him up then?" I asked, eager to get him.  
"In a few, but I have to ask my mum first. I also want you to come with me" I wanted to go, like she needed to ask.  
Nikki went upstairs to ask her mum, it was her parents house after all. I then had to make my way into the living room, dreading the fact her dad sat there.  
"Hi" I sat in the chair at the other side of the room, it was just near the doorway.  
"Hello, alright?" This was him making an effort? Well at least he didn't blank me.  
"Fine thanks, have fun watching the footie?" I was trying to be as nice as I could be, although when my smile faded, I was left gritting my teeth.  
"It was good, thanks for the drinks and food. You didn't need to, I have money" here we go again! His snide comments, that made me angry.  
I had a feeling his problem was, that he thought I was going to take over his role. Like me being the bread winner and being able to support his family better than him. That's not what I wanted, I just wanted to get on with them all and have a good weekend away.  
"I just thought it would be nice" gritting my teeth again and holding down a come back.  
He grunted ad said nothing, I couldn't take sitting there. I left the room, I left the house and started walking up the street. I needed the air, stupid idiot I kept thinking. I was trying so hard and really didn't want any confrontation, but he was making it so hard for me. Nikki must have heard the door slam, as she was now walking after me.  
"Lorraine!" I ignored her  
"Stop, what's wrong?!" Then I turned to her and snapped.  
"He's doing it again, I'm trying so fucking hard Nikki" I was letting my vulnerable side show, I pretended people didn't get to me, but he got to me; deep down. I walked closer to her, not wanting to shout across the street.  
"He's making remarks again, the fact I have money bothers him. It's doing my head in, I'm not even snapping back" she now had hold of my arms.  
It was kind of cold out and I had just a skirt and blouse on.  
"He's just doing it as you're new, he will settle down" I wasn't as convinced with her words as she was, he had already written me off.  
"It's upsetting me Nik" I could feel tears in my eyes, I was getting so upset over it. I wasn't expecting her dad to be like this, I thought they would both accept me into the family.  
"Your mum is lovely, we clicked instantly" I had nothing to wipe my tears with, so Nikki pulled her sleeves down and dabbed at my wet cheeks. She made me laugh through the tears and we started hugging, her warm embrace heating me up.  
"Come on, lets go and pick Buddy up. I persuaded mum" she spoke with warm words and put her arm around my shoulder. We walked back to where Nikki's car was.  
"I will go in and tell them we are now off to pick him up" she could tell I didn't want to go back inside, maybe she felt my tense muscles.  
"Ok well lets get off then" she literally sprinted towards me, car keys rattling to her pace. She had even brought one of her jackets out for me, I was freezing cold; cold to the bone.  
We got in the car and she pulled out into the road,  
"We have an hour, it's only ten minutes away" she was getting at something, I could hear it in her voice.  
"So why are we going now then?" Concerned she was losing the plot.  
"I figured, if we find somewhere quiet. Maybe a car park, my windows are tinted black; no one can see in" I knew exactly what she meant.  
"Nikki! Seriously?!" I was shocked she would even think of it, but yet intrigued.  
"What?! Like you've never wanted to" her smirk convincing me, that it could be a great idea. It was a little dodgy sounding though, but she was turning me on. Her hand all the way up my skirt.  
"Nikki concentrate on driving" I smiled.  
She took her hand away, but I wanted it back. I lifted my skirt up, just so it sat at below my bum. She looked at me, her eyes wider.  
"So you do want me Miss Donnegan?" Asking me wasn't needed, I wanted her alright. I was a completely different person when turned on, I became more adventurous.  
"I know it seems dodgy, but I know a place haha" we were now both laughing at how ridiculous we sounded.  
"You know a place?! Have you done it there before" I needed to know.  
"No! Gosh, no way. I just parked there once, it's in the middle of nowhere. I needed to be alone and I found it" thank goodness for that, I didn't want to be her second, third or fourth who had taken a ride in Nikki's love-mobile. I agreed to it though, what have any of us got to lose? I needed a fuck and we couldn't do it at hers.  
"So how far is this secret place" I asked, kind of excited. I had never done this before.  
"Not far, but trust me no one goes there" this was getting a bit ridiculous, I had a better idea.  
"Nikki, lets wait till tonight. We could go for a drink in a bar, then on the way back.. Go to this secret place?" she smiled at me and kissed me, then her hand was back on my bare leg.  
"Ok, Miss Donnegan. We could make love under the beautiful stars" Nikki was taking the piss, but it made me laugh.  
"Well then you'll have to wait for this till tonight" I pulled my skirt down.  
"Spoil sport" Nikki winked.  
We just went to a drive through Mc Donald's, I couldn't resist a coffee and even opted for a cheese burger. Nikki had the same as me.  
"Ugh I haven't had one of these in such a long time!" It was close to orgasmic and I was lovin' it..  
"Surely that burger isn't as good as me?" Something had come over Nikki, pure horny that's what she was. We parked in the Mc Donald's car park and just chatted.  
"I can't wait to move in with you" I didn't want to sound so eager, but I couldn't help it.  
"I know, as long as I get to choose my side of the bed" I'd let her do anything she wanted, as long as she was with me. I realised as we were talking, I had no stress weighing over me. Being away from Waterloo felt amazing and the fact I was spending my time with Nikki, made it even better. Time flied by and it was soon time to pick the dog up.  
"I can't wait to see his little face" Nikki beamed, it was now raining, but nothing could dampen her mood. The house where we had to pick the dog up was small and grungy. I didn't really want to go in, I don't trust people easily. Paranoid thoughts running through my mind, I'm such a pathetic idiot.  
"You'll be fine, come on" I didn't even tell Nikki how I felt, yet she knew. It was unusual, but we connected on a different level.


	14. Chapter 14

The house was a little grubby, I didn't want to sit down. The dog looked clean compared to the rest of the place. I gave Nikki a look, that said; I need a bath after I get out of here. I mean, I didn't want to judge and I didn't say anything, but I just couldn't believe how someone could live like this.  
"I can't look after him anymore, I'm moving" I wanted to reply with, good, this place is a tip. I held my tongue and Nikki could tell I wanted to speak, but she dug her nails into my arm. We didn't sit, we just stood and Nikki paid for Buddy. He was only 80 pound, I told her we'd go halves, but she didn't want to. We left and that's when I said something.  
"Ergh, that place. We need to bath him, lets pop to a shop to get him stuff" I couldn't rest till the dog was clean and Rose would have had a heart attack if she saw that place.  
"Calm down, we will get some stuff and I will take him to the vets soon" her trying to reassure me, it wasn't working. I like clean things and I now needed a bath, shower, fucking anything. Luckily the shops weren't closed yet, so we had time to get a nice collar and lead, along with dog shampoo, also some food and towels. He was a dear little thing, he was ever so friendly. I was so glad when we got back, I wanted to clean the poor sod.  
"Nikki he smells like dog" Rose turned her nose up at him.  
"Mum, I'm now going to bath him" Nikki left to go and bath him and I was left downstairs again, at least her mum was around.  
"He better smell nice when he comes down" Rose laughing  
"You think he's bad, you should have seen the place. I want a bath myself now" I sat at the little kitchen table, Rose made me a cup of tea.  
"Rose do you mind if I just wash my hands quickly in the sink" I felt so dirty.  
"Sure love, I don't blame you" she placed my cup near me and sat opposite. I washed my hands and sat back down, the warm tea lifting my mood.  
Nikki plodded into the kitchen, Buddy wasn't with her.  
"Buddy's with dad and yes mum he's all clean" we bought him Johnsons shampoo as its gentle and it smelt lovely.  
"Hey you don't think you could do me a favour mum, could you?" I knew what Nikki was about to ask.  
"Depends what that favour is" Rose got up and put her cup in the sink and leant with her back up against it; her arms crossed.  
"Could you have Buddy? Me and Lorraine are going out for a drink" Rose's face dropped.  
"How did I know this one was coming"  
"Please mum" I sat there like a numpty, whilst she pleaded.  
"Yes Nikki" Rose trying to stay straight faced, but ended up smiling and giving Nikki a hug.  
"Lorraine are you going to come and get ready?" Nikki asked and before you knew it, we were upstairs. I got in the shower first and thought about my outfit. I wanted to wear some of my new clothes. Whilst in the shower I spotted my scars, the reminder of the pain. I didn't want to remember the past at the moment, I wanted to focus on now. I finished, dried myself off and walked back to where Nikki was stark naked.  
"Mmm I can't wait to get my hands on you later" she came over and kissed me, my naked body against her clothed curves.  
I decided on my blue vintage patterned shirt, with my black jeans that came up at the ankles, I also chose black heels and a leather jacket. I rolled the shirt sleeves up, just so they were above the elbow and sat in front of the dressing table in the bedroom. I thought I should smoke my eyes, with a charcoal black and leave my lips light, maybe just use some tinted lip balm. I started on my face, I always wear my hair down, so I felt like a change. I wanted to be me, the real me. I wet my hair with the spray bottle I had brought with me, then put all my hair up in a high bun. It looked sleek and nothing less than perfect. It brought my jaw line out, I hope Nikki liked it. I put some studs in my ears, I had two either side, the studs were just plain silver. I've always wanted to get my upper ear done, no idea what they call it, a helix or something. Maybe I should, I've been so stuck up and business like, even in my private life; things needed to change. I would keep professional at work and when I was away, I'd be me. I sounded like I wanted to lead a double life. It wasn't that, it was that no one would get me at work. When I wasn't there I had people who knew the real me; the real Lorraine. I popped my leather jacket on, but it didn't feel quite right. I decided on a dark blue blazer I had bought, that completed the look and I was only going to wear it outside. It was just something I could use as a jacket to keep me warm, as I didn't want to be lumbered with a heavy coat. I would wait till we left to wear the blazer. Nikki had then finished in the shower and had to look twice at me.  
"Shit Lorraine" I couldn't tell if it was a good or bad reaction.  
"What?" Scared to ask.  
"You look amazing! You look like.. You look like you" her words were just the ones I wanted to hear.  
"You look so good" Nikki still looking at me and even twirled me around. She was in a towel and her hair was soaked.  
"Better get ready" she said.  
I sat on the bed and watched her get ready, she placed black skinny jeans on her soft legs and chose a white top and a really hot leather jacket to put over it. She had white converses on and placed a white watch on her left wrist. I'd noticed, she always wore a watch. The leather jacket was fitted, it looked amazing and hugged at her figure, she also wore a silver necklace. The necklace chain was thin and it had a heart pendant.  
"You want me to do your makeup?" I offered. She sat on the bed opposite me, ready for me to apply. I gave her a sexy smoky brown look on he eyes, defined her eyebrows and put a tinted lip balm on her lips. She didn't need a lot of foundation, she had perfect skin. I also done her hair, it was calming running my fingers through her bobbed brunette locks. I curled bits then brushed them out, giving her a kind of rock chick look, I back combed bits and hair sprayed it to keep it in place. The only thing to do now, was let her look in the mirror.  
Nikki made her way over to the mirror.  
"Wow, you should take this up as a hobby. You're really good" she liked it, no she said she loved it. I liked makeup, it covers things, like emotions from the night before, or concealed how a person really felt. Maybe I should consider makeup as a hobby, like a thing to do for fun.  
We were ready, we stomped downstairs. Rose came rushing in to look at us.  
"Wow, you two look stunning" just the compliment I wanted, after faffing around for a while. We got into Nikki's car and soon left. We were on the way to a bar called Dix, Nikki had been there before. It wasn't a gay bar, just a bar, but we were going to go to a gay bar after we'd been there.  
"Well, I know I'm not drinking tonight" Nikki pipped up, she was driving after all. Although I didn't want to drink anyway, I didn't like getting drunk; it usually brought out my dark side. I think we just both wanted to get out of the house, it was also Sunday, so it probably wasn't going to be packed.  
I couldn't have been more wrong, the place was pretty full, men and women everywhere.  
"You go and sit and I'll get the drinks in" Nikki walked over to the bar and I sat at the last table available. Whilst Nikki was waiting, a guy came over and I wanted to run away.  
"Alright love" ugh why? I have a girlfriend and he was about to chat me up. Time for blunt Lorraine.  
"I have a partner and she's over there" I pointed to Nikki, she looked like she was steaming with anger. Nikki could see the guy fighting for my attention.  
"A lezza? You're too pretty to be a dyke" what a bastard, I wanted to smack him one.  
"Look, I'd appreciate it if you left me alone" he was kind of intimidating, I felt a little scared.  
"Hey, beat it" Nikki saved the day, she returned over with our drinks and he pissed off to go and bother another girl.  
"Ugh what an arse" I was in there less than five minutes and already a guy was all over me.  
"Lorraine you're hot! I'm just glad you're mine" she smiled, not sure about the hot part, but I was hers. The place gave me an uneasy feeling, as the years passed I had become more anxious around people outside of work. I had always had a bit of anxiety, but it was getting a little worse. Of course I didn't say anything though, I never poured my heart out. After that guy had come over, I was on alert, with every glance of the pub, I made sure I could see all of my surroundings and keep guard.  
"Nikki, can we go soon?" I needed to get out, somewhere we would both be more socially accepted.  
"Beautiful, I won't let anyone hurt you, but yes we can go" we hurried our drinks and left after only being there twenty minutes. We were both on cokes, neither of us drinking, some would call us boring. I believed you didn't need drink to have fun and all we really wanted, was to get out of the house for a while. Nikki knew the strain I was under, due to her father, so that's why we were both out.  
We were now at the second bar, this one being a gay bar. I felt more comfortable in here, the atmosphere was different.  
"Look I'm getting you a JD, I'm driving, but that doesn't mean you can't have one" she was a sweetheart, Nikki never thought about herself, just how others felt.  
We sat on a leather sofa in the corner, there being a table in front of it. Our drinks were placed on the table and a song I liked came on. Heart, Barracuda. I listened to a lot of rock in the day, I still did.  
"You know the words?" Nikki shouting over the loud music.  
"I love this song!" I replied, with a smile.  
"Didn't think rock music was your taste" she knew nothing.  
"Rock is the only music I really listen to" she looked surprised at my words, as if she really didn't know me. She picked up her drink to make a toast, I raised my glass.  
"To meeting the parents, even if my dad is an overprotecting, blunt nut" she was too right, I realised when she said blunt, maybe it was a clash of personality; too alike. We clinked glasses and took sips of our drinks, the whiskey warmed me up. I left my jacket in the car and had just my shirt to cover my torso, I felt a little chilly. I wanted to dance, so I dragged Nikki up.  
"Come on!" Her being sceptical, but I wanted to have fun and loosen up. We danced away, the two of us getting close and personal with each other. Nikki was up against me, her hands on my back, yet going down to my bum. I needed another drink, not alcohol, just coke. I went to the bar, getting us both drinks and then a woman stood beside me. The woman was brunette, gelled back hair, boyish and was about to talk to me.  
"You're not here by mistake are you?" She was blatantly asking if I knew this was a gay bar.  
"No, I'm pretty gay" I sounded like a bloody idiot, well at least she laughed and didn't find me weird.  
I was talking to this girl whilst waiting for the bar tender to get my drinks, then I looked over to Nikki. There was a girl sitting right next to her, they were laughing and chatting away. My fists clenched and I asked the bar tender to hurry. I grabbed the drinks and as I was walking towards her, the mysterious girl touched Nikki's leg. Nikki moved the girl's hand away, but she went in for more. That's it, I thought. I slammed down our drinks and I was ready to smack a bitch.  
"Get your slutty hands off of my girlfriend" Nikki sat there shocked and was trying to hide a smile, by biting her bottom lip.  
"She's yours!?" the girl asking Nikki as if I wasn't good enough. Viewing me like I was trash.  
"Yeah I am, so move" me pointing towards wherever, trying to get her to leave. Everyone near stood watching, Nikki didn't do anything, just sat there.  
"So you're not gonna say shit Nikki? What? You liked it?" I said it, I was fuming and I walked off.  
"Lorraine!" Calling after me wasn't going to make me come back.  
I felt angry, jealous and everything, far from being fine.  
"Lorraine stop, please!" There she was again calling my name.  
"What Nikki? What do you want me to say. I'm fine with women or men touching you!?" That girl fancied her, she looked like she enjoyed flirting with her. Maybe it was just me, but fuck I was seeing nothing, but red.  
"I tried stopping her Lorraine! I even said you were my girlfriend, she was having none of it. It's you I love, not some stupid girl who wants to ignore the word no!" I suppose I was overreacting, but I didn't like it.  
"It just looked like you were having a laugh with her and I got jealous, ok?! I know you pushed her hand away and I know you didn't want it, but you're mine and, and.." I was losing my voice, all this shouting on the street.  
"Ugh Lorraine, come here" I stayed where I was.  
"Lorraine, come here" her smile pulling me towards her, me now in her arms.  
"Lets go back in, have a good night and fuck everyone else. Yeah?" It wasn't everyone else I wanted to fuck then and there.  
The warmth of the slight heat hit my skin after being out in the cold, it was nice to come back in again. I actually asked for a cigarette off of this guy, I needed one.  
"Lorraine Donnegan. There is a side to you, that I never knew you had" it was true.  
"Yes well, the down side being, I have to go outside again. Piss take" there was a little garden at the back where smokers could go, but moaning wasn't going to make any difference to the temperature. I was 100 percent my true self with Nikki and I loved it. She followed me outside again, probably as I went mental when she got hit on. I didn't want her to be left alone, in case it happened again. I sounded like a controlling idiot. I felt bad for thinking Nikki wanted it, she didn't and I knew that deep down. The cigarette lit, I had to ask a girl for a light. I breathed in the gorgeous smoke, my brain instantly calmed.  
"How long have you been smoking for?" Nikki asked curiously.  
"I did when I was 16, but I quit. I have the odd one when I'm stressed, well to be honest, this is my first in years" I was hoping I wasn't going to get addicted again, it took me ages to quit.  
"You don't seem the type, if I'm honest" How can anyone look the 'type?  
"Well now you know, I could tell you a lot about my past and you'd be completely shocked" it was true, there were things, me and Mark only knew and Sonia of course.  
"Well, maybe you should spill all" Nikki grabbed me at the sides, my fag nearly burning her. She kissed me, then pulled away after just the one.  
"Need to get used to that" the taste being unusual to her.  
"Not kissed anyone who smokes before?" She then smiled at me, pulling me closer, her perfume sweet and floral. I just laid my head on her chest, she was taller than me, I was only diddy. Taking in her sweet smell, was actually giving me more of a hit than the cigarette. I didn't finish all of the fag, I had to stop after half.  
"Nikki, I actually have no idea what I would do without you" I was becoming a soppy mare, but I really couldn't give two shits.  
"Miss D, you have changed recently. In a good way" Nikki looking down at me, making sure we made eye contact.  
"You wanna go?" I asked, I wanted to get on top of Nikki, that's all I was thinking about. I didn't really like the idea of doing it in public, I mean a car is enclosed, but it was still outside where people could see. I didn't want my bits on display.  
Nikki was nodding to say yes, the bar was getting a little boring now. We did chat to a few people outside, mainly gay men, who were really nice. One was called Len, he was talking to us about vegetables. I think Len had a few too many, as I had no idea what he was talking about and neither did he. It was an ok night, it didn't go as planned, but you can't plan anything, you just have to let it be. We got in the car, it felt like we had been doing that all day.  
"Nikki can't we just go to a BnB? I don't really want to have sex in a car" I said it how it was, I'm not going to lie and it was a little ridiculous anyway.  
"Ok, we will hotel it. We can just check in and leave early in the morning" she didn't seem impressed, maybe it was one of her fantasies, but it wasn't mine.  
"I just google mapped a five star hotel near here" iPhones are the shit, I love mine and use it everyday all day. "Ok" wow I had hit a nerve, maybe she was pissed about leaving Buddy and scared about the questions we'd get in the morning.  
"We don't have to, we can go back" I said, just to put that option out there.  
"Lorraine, I want to, but how will we get a room at this time" she was angry about faffing around and I just wanted somewhere with a warm bed.  
"I will call them then" so I did just that and surprisingly they weren't booking this late. I rolled my eyes, back to her parents we go.  
"Lets just go back" I suggested and that's what we did. It was only 1:30 am and I was knackered. There was an awkward silence all the way back, just the quiet sound of the radio in the background. Surely Nikki wasn't that bloody desperate for a shag, she was getting on my nerves at this point. Her car now sitting in the driveway again and everyone seemed to be asleep; there weren't any lights on. Luckily Nikki had her dad's key and we were finally in the warm house. I made my way upstairs to get into my night wear, but Nikki stayed downstairs and was sitting in the kitchen. I asked if she was coming up and she said nothing, what the fuck I thought. She can't blame me for not wanting to have a fuck in a car, in the middle of nowhere, with god knows who watching, it was dodgy and not me.  
Maybe she was sexually frustrated, I sniggered and was soon in bed. After thinking about Nikki way too much, I got under the covers and next thing you know I was off.

Next morning was a dreary one, it was even raining hard, just to make things worse; thank you Mother Nature. I never liked going downstairs without getting dressed, I felt embarrassed. I placed skinny jeans on, a blouse and blazer, then made my way down, not forgetting the heels of course. I wasn't planning on staying in, I was going to go out for a walk and maybe take Buddy.  
"Morning" I smiled, not knowing what Nikki was going to say to me. Buddy came running up wagging his tail, he was adorable and after Nikki gave him a bath, he looked a lot better.  
"Can I take Buddy out?" It was Nikki who I had to ask.  
"Sure" A short reply, but the one I was looking for. Her dad then made his way into the living room, shuffling past me. He sat beside Nikki not saying a word, then I got Buddy ready, got an umbrella and left. I needed air and a kind of company, that would just listen. I got my phone out, google mapped the area and looked for local parks. There was one near, not too far. I didn't want to walk far, especially in heels.  
It was big, the park full of greenery, that's all I saw. Buddy had already weed twice and I was getting cold, yet again I forgot a coat. I had an umbrella, but my feet were getting wet. I didn't want to go back though, everyone except Rose seemed angry at me. I hadn't done anything, except say no to a bonk in the car. I walked around, leaving the park and walked up, then down the streets. The rain had finally stopped, the sun making it's way out. It was one of those days, where it seemed later than it actually was. I enjoyed walking with Buddy, the air was crisp and brought back memories.

I had told Brooklyn to ring me whenever and that's what she did, she called me. I was pissed, it was late at night and she had woken me.  
"What do you want Brooklyn?" I was annoyed.  
"I needed to ring you. I think mum is sending me away, I found some leaflets. A boarding school miles away from here" what the fuck, I was angry at her, but her moving away would kill me.  
"You don't know Brooklyn, they might be for someone else. They could have even come through the door" who was I kidding, her mum was going to send her away.  
"Lorraine! Listen, I told her I still loved you and she went mental at me. She's sending me away!" This was it, the room went fuzzy and span a little. I didn't want to lose her, even if she was a pain in the arse. I loved her.  
"Well what are you going to do?" I wanted to know, was she going to run again?  
"Nothing Lorraine, I'm fed up of fighting. I can't run, they will find me" her words, my breath, I was speechless. There was nothing I could say or do, she was going to be gone; forever.  
"Well can we see each other before you go?" I wanted to leave on good terms and see each other again.  
"Of course, I don't know when she's sending me. I have a feeling it will be soon though. How about tomorrow?" I agreed to her words and that was that. I was still staying at Sonia's, she had work and the flat was empty. I hated being on my own, it was shit, it gave me time to think; which was never a good thing. I spent the rest of the day crying my eyes out, just to finally stop in time for Sonia's arrival. I had even cooked a meal for us, she had a few bits and bobs. I made spaghetti with a tomato sauce, all from scratch and she was quite impressed.  
"Extra cheese?" I asked, there was some left and might as well not waste it. I smiled and put on a brave face, feelings hidden.

I couldn't sleep, the night was so long. I tossed and turned, feeling nervous about seeing Brooklyn. I had a feeling it was the last time I would ever see her. I had 90 percent sadness and 10 percent relief, at least we wouldn't be hiding anymore and I wasn't sure I was in the best way for a relationship. I love her, of course I do, but there was always a problem and it wasn't a smooth ride at all.  
It was pitch black in the room and I felt way too claustrophobic. I went to turn the light on, just standing in the middle of the room and that's when I started pacing. Slowly and calmly, it helped a little. Worry, worry, worry that's all I ever did and here I was again.

I didn't even sleep, seven in the morning and I was dressed; full face of makeup. I left Sonia's, she was making toast and I needed to get air. I didn't even know what time we were supposed to meet, so I went to my call log and called the number at the top; Brooklyn's new number. I wondered in that second, why I hadn't even saved it, weird.  
I wasn't sure whether she was going to be up, but I called anyway.  
"Hey" a faint voice said  
"Sorry, did I wake you" I probably did wake her.  
"No it's fine, why are you up so early?" Of course I wasn't going to tell her the real reason.  
"Early bird catches the worm and I wanted to get breakfast out" I could be an actress, I'd be great at it.  
"Well, now I'm up, do you want me to join you?" I was hoping for her to ask, I wanted to get it over and done with.  
"Yeah sure, I will be waiting at Abbey" Abbey was a local café, but a posh one; no greasy spoon.  
"Ok, give me half an hour" it was convenient for her, she lived near.  
I got to the Abbey and sat down, I always liked sitting near the window, I could people watch. I saw a woman with great shoes, my taste. I ordered a coffee, just to get me by whilst I waited. There was the woman I admired with the great shoes, dressed professionally on another table, she was gorgeous. I always tried not thinking of other girls like that, it felt wrong whilst being with Brooklyn. I liked the way she looked though, long brown hair and blue eyes. She was slender and kept ducking behind her laptop. She was trying to have a closer look, at whatever she was doing. I stared at her, her oblivious to that very fact. I really loved her shoes, they weren't designer, but who gives a shit. I liked my labels, I also liked the high street; sometimes.

Brooklyn arrived and my eyes drifted from the anonymous woman to Brooklyn. My eyes catching hers.  
"Sit down then" I sounded like a bitch, sometimes my tone was different out loud, than in my head.  
"Woah, did you get out of the wrong side of bed?" No I hadn't, I was just nervous.  
"Coffee?" I asked, but Brooklyn refused. She sat down opposite me and that's when it hit me, the fact I wasn't going to see her again. Brooklyn grabbed both my hands and held them in hers, that's when I started to get tears in my eyes. I tried holding them back, but I couldn't help it and started crying. I let go of her hands and cradled my head in them, I didn't want anyone to see me crying. I felt like I was drowning, it felt like the very second you take your last breath. I had been relieved earlier, but seeing her face again brought back our good memories.  
"Lorraine don't. Look I think we need to move on. I'm leaving and you need to get yourself together" her words were bitter, a shot straight through the heart. Then it made me wonder.  
"Are you seeing someone else?"  
I asked the very question I needed the answer to.  
"What? No I'm not. I'm saying we need to move on, ok!?" Harsh. I wanted to smack her. My upset, turned into anger, I was seething with it.  
"Maybe it wasn't a good idea to meet up" I whispered, barely understandable. I was choking through the tears, like I said; it felt like drowning. I got up, left her and my warm coffee sitting there. She followed, yet I didn't listen to the calling of my name.  
"Stop for a moment, why would you want to leave on bad terms?" Brooklyn didn't know how hard it was for me, it was too much to face.  
"Go Brooklyn, I need you to go. I can't" I left and that was the end. The end of us, the end of my sanity. I was still off work, the thought of having to do nothing, but thinking made me cringe. I looked back once, her face sunken. I didn't have time for this, that's what I told myself. I wanted to scream, scream from the top of a tall building; love hurts. I had gotten in too deep with this relationship and I feared, that I couldn't handle being alone; truly alone.

I text Sonia and told her I was going home. I didn't want her around me with her cheeky smile, nothing would cheer me up. I hadn't even gotten a phone call off of Brooklyn, I waited patiently for one, but nothing. My car was at Sonia's. I walked there, it had been parked there ever since we came back from Yarmouth. I needed to get my car and leave. I arrived at Sonia's, I got in my car and left. Back to mine and reality. I was tired and drained, I needed sleep.

I got back and slept, all through the night. I didn't even need a tipple. I thought that was strange, I usually needed strong whiskey to help me sleep. I sat on my sofa. The sun was shining and the birds were chirping, it was a lovely day. I called up work, I wanted to go back. I was fed up of just sitting and sitting, when I could be making more money. Monday morning next week, I'd be back in and that was that.

Brooklyn didn't contact me again, I never heard off of her. I still had the hope of hearing her voice again, and seeing her face once more. I concentrated on getting myself better, mentally. It was going to be a hard road to go down, but I needed I face my fears and that's what I was going to do.


	15. Chapter 15

The air I breathed in my lungs was fresh, it felt good to be me. For a change I was thinking positively, even though I was in Nikki's bad books. I had been out a while, so I decided to walk back, the paths soaked. I could see Nikki's parents house down the road, I hoped Nikki was going to be ok with me. It was stupid as to why we where arguing, she was being childish. I also hoped her dad wouldn't throw and punch lines towards me, that's what upset me the most. The front door was now close to my chest, I breathed in and slowly exhaled; I was now indoors.  
"Hiya love" Rose greeted me with a smile.  
"Hey Rose, where's Nikki?" I couldn't see her in the living room.  
"She went to look for you, she got worried. You've been out a while dear" it was true, I was gone for such a while. I wondered why Nikki had bothered, she seemed annoyed with me earlier. Maybe she came to her senses, goodness knows.  
"Do you have any idea where she went?" I wanted to chase her up.  
"No love, sorry. She seemed upset when she left though" now I was determined to find her after Rose's words.  
"Ok, well I will be back soon"  
I left once again, but this time without Buddy.  
I rang and rang, and rang again, Nikki wasn't answering. I got even more worried. I walked the opposite way to where I took Buddy, thinking she took the wrong path. I rang once more and she picked up.  
"Nikki?!" I could hear crying at the other end.  
"Nikki where are you?"  
"I'm sorry Lorraine, I was so stupid to argue over a petty thing" I was choking up myself, something I never wanted to hear was Nikki crying.  
"It doesn't matter, where are you Nikki?" I needed to find her.  
"I'm near somewhere called Palace Place, I just walked past the sign"  
"Ok, stay there and wait" I hung up the phone and got google maps out. Nikki wasn't at all far away, she was literally down the road. I wanted to laugh, she thought she had gotten lost. I walked towards Palace Place and there she stood. It was a place full of abandoned council flats all derelict. Some had windows with no glass and some had board up the windows. The place was actually beautiful, if you looked at it in a different way. It was down the road, but well hidden from the houses, that were in perfect condition.  
"Nikki" I shouted and she turned around.  
"I'm sorry Lorraine" she was in my arms crying, silly woman. There was nothing to cry about.  
"I had an argument with my dad, he made a comment as soon as you left. I snapped and now we're not talking" She stuck up for me? Ugh I wanted to kiss her all over, yet I was upset about her not talking to her dad.  
"Nikki, he loves you. I'm sure everything will be ok" that's when she lifted her head and looked at me. Gazing into my eyes.

"Nikki, this place is pretty cool" I beamed with excitement, wanting to explore. Nikki laughed through her tears and I squeezed her face.  
"Yeah, I was surprised to find such a place, especially behind such lovely houses" she looked at me and then ran.  
"Bet you can't catch me" I stood watching her run up the stairs, the flats being five stories high.  
"Nikki, you want me to run in these?!" I pointed to my feet.  
"Come on Miss Donnegan, come and get me" her powers of persuasion were all to much and I ended up following her.  
"Oh what about buying this place to share, oh it has a lovely interior" Nikki joked, some of them even had things left in them. I stared through one window and there was a washing machine in the kitchen still. We got to this one flat, I tried the door for a joke, but it opened. We both looked at each other, not knowing what to do. Nikki then grabbed my hand and pulled me in the place. No one had been in here for a long time, I thought maybe someone would have squatted in there, but there wasn't any sign. The living room had one sofa sitting in it, there was even a TV. Nikki then rushed upstairs leaving me alone and I rushed up after her. The bedrooms had mattresses, you'd think the council would have taken them out. I think nobody really gave a shit and left the flats to rot. The place even had all the carpets, it was actually hard to believe.  
"This is great!" Nikki said.  
"Great? They're abandoned and crappy" I was only being honest.  
"No, don't you realise what this means?" I looked at Nikki confused as to what she meant.  
"We could come here. Bring candles, blankets and it would just be us. I could fit a pad lock on the front door, just to make sure no one came in" I was liking this idea more than fucking in a car.  
"If you can make this place as lovely as your mum's, then I will consider it" I couldn't keep my smile alway from my face and Nikki smiled back at me.  
"Wait, are we breaking the law?" I didn't want a bad reputation, I was wealthy and people knew who I was, well most people. I could have gotten a hotel room, but this seemed way more exciting.  
"No, we'd only be here a night. Who's it hurting? Nobody comes here anyway" her words reassured me, so we agreed we'd pretend this was ours for a night.  
"I will make this place lovely, starting tomorrow" I was excited and Nikki seemed excited too. We were acting like a couple of teenagers, who had run away from home.

The rest of the day went pretty smoothly, probably because I was upstairs the whole time. I told everyone I wanted to read, but really it was work related. I brought some things along with me, which I shouldn't have, as this was supposed to be a weekend away. I couldn't resist; a workaholic. I also didn't say anything, because I was scared of what Nikki's dad would say. I didn't want him to comment on what I did for a living and how I earned my money. I was halfway through some paperwork, when Nikki knocked on the door.  
"Not interrupting am I?" I said no and she plonked herself on the edge of the bed.  
"I'm going to take some things to our shack" it wasn't a shack, but I suppose we did have to call it something, it wasn't really a home to us anyway.  
"Sure, you don't think we are being childish, do you?" I was a little apprehensive as usual.  
"Lorraine, life is too short to worry" her words were true, but suffering with anxiety and a whole load of other things, I always saw the fear in everything.  
"I've never done this kind of thing, I'm not free flowing. I'm a little scared of everything" I nervously laughed as I waited for her response.  
"It's for one night! Relax!" She grabbed my shoulders at either side and shook me back and forth; probably knocking some sense into me. I needed to finish going through some things for Waterloo Road too, I concentrated better when on my own.  
"Nikki, I love you, but can I go through these and then I'll be all yours" I smiled and she came in for a kiss, of course I accepted the gesture; kisses were always good.  
"Sure, I'm going to make our place fancy. Suitable for a Queen. Might as well call it a palace" Nikki looked at me, with sarcasm in her eyes. The name stuck with me though, palace. One more kiss and she was gone, I had the whole room to myself; this time I kind of enjoyed having alone time.

It was 6pm and the whole family was around the dining table. I was opposite Nikki's dad, which was highly uncomfortable. I was next to Rose, which was a bonus, but the look on his face was like a slapped arse, and that was putting it nicely.  
"Any sauce?" Rose asked.  
"Thank you" Rose passed me the brown sauce, I loved brown sauce. We had chips, chicken and peas, I was determined to eat it, even though it wasn't my usual choice of dinner.  
"Brown sauce" that's all he said, I wanted to say, excuse me?..  
I sat and passed the sauce to Nikki's dad. There was an awkward silence and I wanted to pull my hair out. No one had said anything, all you could hear was chewing. I hated that noise, the fucking sound of people chewing and ones own.  
"Lovely chicken" Nikki said something, maybe she noticed me rolling my eyes.  
"Yeah, yeah" what else was I to say? Yes, great chicken, shame about the fucking atmosphere!  
"I bet if Lorraine had it her way, she'd have oysters for lunch and lobster for dinner" Nikki's dad again, making a stupid remark. I ignored it and carried on eating, it was like he wanted to get a rise out of me. Silence again.  
"You can't have gotten all this way with brains. Come on, I'm only saying what everyone is thinking. I mean, you're a pretty thing, obviously having your legs open; gets you money nowadays" Wow, what the fuck did he just say. I worked my arse off for all of the nice things I have. Why do men, always think women are incapable of being smart and successful, without sleeping their way to the top. It felt surreal what he had just said.  
"Right, that's it. I'm sorry Nikki, but I've held my tongue for too long" I was so angry, I probably had steam exiting from my ears.  
"I have worked hard for what I have. What I have, does not define me, it is not who I am. A lot of people think I'm a stuck up money grabbing bitch, I'm not. I'm sorry for swearing Rose. I'm far from your judgements, I am an intelligent, strong and independent woman. I have a habit of being cliché, I like long walks out and I love your daughter! I don't expect you to like me, or even like what I do, but please have respect for someone who has shown you nothing but. I won't say this again, I won't even mention the fact I have money, if that's what it takes, but I came here to meet you and get along with all of you. I can't make you like me, I can't pretend I'm not a millionaire, but I can say, that I had enough respect for you; to try. I just wish that, you could be my friend and not an enemy; for Nikki's sake" I was done, everyone silent, I left. I grabbed Nikki's car keys from the kitchen and sat it the car. It felt like a movie, my massive power speech. I was done, I don't care, not right now. It fucking done my head in, trying to please everyone. I was done with Bradford, I wanted to go home. I loved Rose, I love Nikki, but her dad! I even enjoyed Buddy's company more than his. I was losing it a little, I have depression and I refuse to control it with any medication. I can control it on my own, but there's times when I fall. I spiral down and it seems like there's no way up; if only at those times, the world had no gravity. I sunk in the car chair, I was in the back, why sit in the front; I had no intention of looking at the house. No one came after me, probably arguing amongst theirselves. I decided to lay down, no tears, no feelings. I was numb to the bone, the words I had just released to make everyone clear on how I felt, made me feel weak. I just stared at the shitty leather on the front seats; it's like watching paint dry. I felt agitated and couldn't get comfortable, then suddenly, I was drifting off to sleep.

I woke to Nikki smacking on the window, I had locked myself in the car. She woke me up suddenly and I was still in a dream state. I felt hazy, as if this wasn't real.  
"Lorraine open the door!" She shouted.  
I was doing no such thing, I was going to stay here all night. I didn't care!  
"Come on Lorraine, just open it. No one hates you" hates me? What was Nikki saying?! Saying that, made me feel like they all hated me.  
"Go away Nikki. Leave me alone" it was supposed to be our first night relaxing in the abandoned palace, but after what had happened, I was beginning to get second thoughts.  
"Lorraine please!" Begging?! Not going to help Nikki!  
"Just, at least, at least let me in Lorraine" I couldn't figure out if it was a good idea to, Nikki obviously didn't want to argue, maybe she just wanted to talk. I have no idea what to do.  
"You're not mad at me?" I asked.  
"Lorraine. I'm not mad at you, you stupid woman. What dad said was out of line and he deserved that speech. I've been arguing with him myself about what he said to you. Now, please let me in" I did as she asked, I let her in.  
"Thank you, finally. You're a tough one to persuade" Nikki back to herself, she eased my tension. The mood lifted a little, she made me smile.  
"I'm sorry about what I said and if I was too blunt, but I snapped. He had no right" I trailed off as Nikki grabbed my hand.  
"I know, I know" her lips moved, then they were on mine. The taste of her lips were amazing, she always carried mints with her. I loved the way her tongue tasted of fresh peppermint, I do prefer spearmint, but I shouldn't be complaining. I was starting to imagine if she had eaten stronger mints and how they would taste. Lorraine?! Stop woman! I talked myself out of the weird thought I'd just had. I am so unusual, fuck.. Her hands were now all over me, I hadn't felt a touch like that, since we'd gotten here.  
"How's the place getting on?" I was more than in the mood, I was gagging. I sounded like a slapper who like to stay up all night long shagging, but I needed Nikki's naked body touching mine; the ripples of our movement.  
"It's nearly ready, a few more finishing touches" Nikki giggled and all my worries about everything fizzled away.  
"How about, you wait in the car, whilst I sort out those finishing touches and then I could make some finishing touches on you?" Her wish was my command, I couldn't wait to touch her, for her to touch me.  
"Sure" I shrugged my shoulders and off she went. Alone again, hoping nobody else would come out after me. I couldn't bare seeing Rose's face, I didn't want to see John's face; at all.

I was that bored, I started singing to myself, the hour seemed to drag on and on. Shit! I hadn't even called Sonia, I was supposed to as soon as, a little too fucking late Lorraine. I hadn't been answering my phone, because I was here and didn't want business to get in the way. I bet Sonia had called me, many times.  
"Sonia! I'm so sorry, how are you?" Changing the subject to how she's feeling, instead of explaining myself.  
"You were supposed to call me. I've left you over 200 messages" Wow, exaggeration at it's best.  
"Sonia, 400 messages?" Surely not.  
"I said 200 and why didn't you call me?" I didn't have good listening skills sometimes.  
"Look, I haven't been looking at my phone really. Since I got here, I've been off the hook. I'm sorry, but how's everything there and Waterloo Road?" Wondering how Michael was coping, did my head in.  
"The school's fine Lorraine and anyway, Michael is like a machine. Everything alright there?" Michael was good, but hardly the bloody terminator.  
"Everything is fine Son, anyway I better go. Nikki and me are going out soon, so I will love you and leave you" Not really a long conversation, but I didn't do explanations and story telling; I left the wild imagination to Sonia. Hanging up the phone was the easiest thing I'd had to deal with today, I felt tired and it was down to stress. Oh for fuck, I was about to say sake, when Nikki knocked on the window.  
"Miss Donnegan, are you ready to enter my wonderful abode" I was ready to enter alright, I was ready to go deep within, within something.

The place was around the corner, this wasn't me, but I wanted to try new things out. I got butterflies in my belly and my hands were actually shaking. No one was around, no one came here. I suppose once upon a time they did, when it was cool to hang here and drink beers, but Nikki's folks area wasn't full of youngsters. There were mainly older people living there, you got the odd teenager, but no groups of them. It was quiet.  
"Ok, Miss Donnegan. Close your eyes" Oh blimey, I didn't like having no control.  
"Nikki!" I trusted her, but I was truly terrified.  
"Ok, that's it. Come here"  
She came behind me and put her hands over my eyes.  
"Nikki, if you lead me into a wall or something" I was half serious and half laughing at her.  
"Lorraine, what do you take me for? If I wanted to do that, I'd lead you right to the balcony" I laughed, her words, I loved her sense of humour; we got on best when we were laughing.  
"Ok, open" She took her hands off and I opened my eyes. It was amazing.  
"Nikki! This is amazing!" I ran up to her and jumped on her. Wrapping my legs around her like a teenager, she held me. Nikki had made this place look amazing, it was unrecognisable. There were cushions all on the floor were we could lay, there was so many candles scattered around the place (obviously not on the floor)  
Nikki had put curtains up the living room window, as that's where we were. She had two glasses with champagne on a table, there was even rose petals around the place. It was beautiful, she had even gotten us chocolate. I was amazed at how different it looked.  
"Don't worry, all of this stuff is clean as it's from my house. I also spent ages cleaning the place too, I put a padlock on the door" The fact she had even put a lock on the door, made me tear up. Every detail was thought out, she hadn't left anything out.  
"So you like it?" She stood looking at the floor as usual, like she was awaiting disappointment. I was about to give her anything but. I'm so happy, nobody has ever done this kind of thing. Nikki was a tough woman, but she was so sweet.  
"Nikki. I love it!" I nearly screamed it, I felt over the moon. I could imagine us properly living together and I was getting more and more exited about it.

One glass of champagne had been polished off, plus a lot of chocolate. Neither of us wanted to get drunk, sober sex was way better. We laid there, fully clothed, on the cushions and duvet she had brought up. Both staring at the ceiling. I turned on my side and looked at her, the glow of the candle flickered and she looked extremely beautiful. I tucked her hair behind her ear, then she looked at me. Both of us were now on our side, the most comfortable position. I had hold of the duvet, my hand playing with the cover. It was surprisingly warm in here, even though there was obviously no heating. I pulled myself in closer to Nikki, I wanted to take in her smell. Her perfume was intense today, but it was a gorgeous scent.  
"Lorraine. You look stunning. I love you" Whenever she said those three words, my belly flipped over and over. She only had to look at me and I was tingly. I hope she feels the same.  
"Come here" she lightly whispered. I came closer into her, I could feel her breath on my skin. Warm with intervals as she inhaled. My hand started to go down her stomach as we kissed. Her kisses getting more intense as I went further down with my hand. She moved, like kind of grinding; we both did. It was a smooth rhythm of back and forth between us. My hand was at the zip of her jeans, her belt now undone. I pushed between her legs hard, she let out a small moan. Our kisses got harder and lower, her kissing my neck. I took her trousers off, just wishing she hadn't worn such tight ones, it was with great difficulty; a task. I was still clothed, yet her hand was pulling at my top, then caressing my breasts. It felt good. I leant in even closer, my body looked like I stuck to her. She had lace knickers on, French ones, they were hot. I played with the frills, teasing her. I then dragged my nails lightly up her thighs, I cupped her arse, she had a great one. Pert. I had gotten her excited, horny, she wanted me, because my top was now off. She pulled at my bra roughly, taking it off, her lips on my nipples. Licking, sucking, the feeling! Nikki kept moving my long locks to the back of me, getting in the way of her pleasuring me. I rubbed at the outside of her knickers, stopping then starting again. The harder I pushed, the harder she kept biting at my breasts. There were surely going to be marks, her territory. I needed her top off, I needed her breasts. I needed to feel the soft skin of them in my mouth. It was soon off, I was soon on. I think she wanted me completely naked, I was nearly at that point; I had my knickers on. We laid in our knickers, both close to each other, skin touching, biting, I wanted this to last forever. I tugged at her knickers, pulling them downwards, they were then off, they were thrown to one side; discarded. I took my own off and kissed Nikki on her soft lips, the way our tongues swirled around the others was out of this world, the way she kissed, oh wow she could kiss. I placed my fingers between her legs, two in. Up and down, she was completely wet, the feel of her made me hot. Kisses in between her soft moans, whispers. I bit her neck, sucking, a hicky, forever mine. I locked lips with her again, going faster with my fingers. I wanted to rub at her clitoris, then slide into her, two fingers deep. The sound of her moaning got louder, I pushed harder into her and she was soon on her back. Her breasts dropped a size whilst laying completely flat, her chest was rising in time with my arm rubbing and rubbing. Her back arching slightly, everything squirming, but not to get away; for more. I kissed her everywhere, not leaving a space. I could see her hands clenching the duvet out of the corner of my eye, I looked deeply into hers. I kept kissing her, but her moans stopped me from getting at her lips. I went really fast, she was loud, really loud. I decided to go down on her, licking fast and hard. I knew she was close, her saying my name said it all. She was going to cum, her body tensed up and her nails dug into her own stomach.  
"Lorraine! Uh, shi, Lorrai, yes, yes, ugh fuuuu" Nikki was there, her chest rapidly rising and deflating, breaths short.  
"Fuck, get here" She looked hot, red in the cheeks and had a thin layer of sweat all over. She grabbed me, she put me on top of her, but she was sitting cross legged. I was between those crossed legs, my legs either side of her. I cupped her face, moving her hair out of her face. The way she looked at me made me weak at the knees. I was deeply in love with this woman. Our faces met on a similar level, me being a little higher. Nikki had hold of my back, moving me forward then back, wanting me to grind, so that's what I did. I was grinding on her, whilst she had my breasts in her hands, then every so often, in her mouth. I tilted my head back, still grinding, her hands on the bottom of my back, pulling me in and pushing me out. Biting my chest and neck, turning me on even more. Her fingers were now inside me, the feel of them tantalising. I bit my bottom lip, hard. When I came in, grinding, her fingers went in deeper. The rubbing getting more intense as I moaned louder for more. The way she made love to me was so amazing, I felt like it was only us on the planet. I had to kneel, grabbing hold of her around the neck, my saliva touching her shoulder. She was inside pushing really hard, the moaning was so loud, I surprised myself. I couldn't control myself. The thing about sex is, when you get into it, you get lost; I let go. I was now scratching at her back, my teeth sunk into her shoulder, the way she was fucking me, she was going so fast. I was nearly there. I was on her, she kneeled and I sat on top of her legs, her fingers still in side me. She would rub, then finger and I loved it. I was holding on tightly for dear life. I could feel it, I was going to cum.  
"Nikki, I, I'm, I'm gonna. Nikki, fuck, mmm uuuuhh fuuc" I was about to say her name again, when I let out a massive moan, I had finished. It was over, I came hard, she was so good at all of this. My heart couldn't stop pounding, nearly out of my chest. We then both kissed, softly and we both did the same thing; smile.

We laid quietly in each other's arms, my arm on her waist and the candles were all slowly melting. I looked at the unusual shadows that danced on the ceiling. I was making shapes and objects out of them, my mind peaceful and I was happy.  
"I could lay here forever" Nikki's Yorkshire accent low and silky. I could have laid there forever too, being in her company was one of the things I loved most. As I lay here thinking, I thought about how different I am at work, well, how different I am to everyone. My guard stayed up at all times, yet in Nikki's company, it was down. I blurred the thoughts of work and lifted my head to look at Nikki's beautiful features. She had really big green/grey eyes and her eyelashes were long! A cute little nose and a cute smile. I gazed at her for ages.  
"Lorraine. What are you staring at?" Her face confused, like I was being totally weird.  
"Just you. You're gorgeous" I really sounded like a cockney, my accent was always strong. I wanted her to know how beautiful she actually was, I had never fancied anyone as much as I did Nikki.  
"Lorraine, shut up!" Aw, she was now getting embarrassed, her cheeks tinted red. Nikki was so cute, around me, she was just adorable.  
"I love you!" I blurted out, just in that moment. It was loud and now I was embarrassed. We both laughed at me and kissed. I'd never forget this night, it was the best night of my life.


End file.
